Cioccolata scura

Is it called narrow thinking or no thinking

2012-01-25T11:21:00.001+08:00

Sure they r my seniors but the fact tht they have been in the same position for 4.5 yrs is a little shocking for me and made me consider abt how i view them.

Mayb he has been earning his incentive but the work scope is pretty much the same as mine except tht he manages 10 ppl. its great no doubt but 4.5 doing the same thg? with no change in management position?

He never failed to tell me off when i read the papers for 10 mins when he actually goes for freq smoking trips. i thought tht is almost like a basic necessity to keep up w what is gg on in the world n how ur company may b affected.

Its bad enough tht there r no newspapers in the pantry so the only access i have to the outside world is whatever little i catch when coming to work or the FT headlines i get on the email.

With the upcoming US elections n the fact tht i wanted to follow it like i did last time, i brought my radio to work thinking if i cld hear my collegues radio tht is 2 tables away, listening to the news wld b fine.

Its my mistake tht i raised the volume a little when Obama's speech to the congress began n the other senior working for 10 + yrs looked ard n asked what is it tht i am listening to. From the look on his face it seemed like he did not want to hear the news so lowered it. i tried to b nice by asking the guy working for 4.5yrs if it was loud. n he replied saying if music its fine but anythg else is distracting.

Thts when i reduced the volume till only i can hear n made a mental note tht these ppl r comfortable in their jobs n do not want anythg to do with being aware abt whats gg on w the world. sure they will b fine in their lives but as for me; i guess i will just continue to listen to the news twice a day at a almost inaudible volume n just update myself if no one else is interested.

So thts tht n they can keep their thinking (whatever) it may b n i will keep mine. Lesson Learnt!

Thorns prick before the Rose can be appreciated!

2011-11-26T18:34:00.001+08:00

N i got the job, its just that i started asap, had relatives over so took a leave for 4 days or rather 7 days counting the weekends n ph. N then it was back to work where the pressure took toll on me and i got all jittery and teared a few times. The atmosphere was such that i had started to think that i had taken the wrong step and i had to redo a few things.

Now that was 4 weeks ago, have seen the gentle side of my colleagues, saw that i can meet the targets and as a newbie i am not expected to do as much, am given my room to adjust and perhaps i saw things in a different light from what was going on.

So its pretty safe for me to say that yes my new perm job, is great and i do see myself going to great heights from here. The Spiritual aspect of me never fails to remind that what God does is for a reason and thorns will always prick before the rose can be appreciated.

Now that i am busy with early morning commutes n evening commutes back in the train, do not expect regular entries but i shall stop by when i can.

Tata ya'll
AnneJ Smiles ;>

Disappointments in life

2011-10-04T16:57:00.001+08:00

Well there is a rather dull period ongoing for me.

Harshness in every person. They could be right while i am ignorant but to pick on the small details and lash out at me seems rather.....how do i say it.....harsh.

If i am really as incapable as they make me out to be, why don't i get the same response from others? For me to keep proving myself to their expectations and standards gets rather tiresome.

When you get to much of a certain behaviour, it is sure to rub off its pessimism. No matter how hard i try to keep myself cheered and appreciative of life, there has to be a direct or indirect way of the blues hitting me in the face.

I have always hated comparisons with others in terms of material goods and standards as a kid, but now it seems that i may be rewriting my own rules without knowing it.

People keep saying that if we hope for the best we will get it or we may end up with better than the situation that one can be in, but it seems that if one hurdle has been surpassed another comes and presents itself with much splendour. If the situation wasn't bad enough, others ensure that they rub in the harsh realities with much force that i am left wounded.

Sure i am happy go lucky and carefree but situations do have a way with spoiling a major portion of a rather good day. Thus i tend to have my insecurities that i work hard on hiding. Putting on a brave front. Crying behind closed doors and wiping them off before showing up in front of others. Putting off my wishes to facilitate others. It is all rather frustrating when not one ounce of appreciation is shown.

So if there is anything i can do....is to enjoy the minute things in life that is offered, to dream big and pray that it comes true.

AnneJ

A new whole new World

2011-09-08T16:14:00.001+08:00

Things have been checked off my bucket list, Graduating with a degree n throwing up the graduation hat.

Unfortunately landing that dream job has been playing cat and mouse with me, n the media hasnt helped with all the news about fresh graduates finding it difficult to find jobs etc. As for me, i have my hopes up but the thorns that prick is friends landing jobs, announcing engagements, getting married and broadcasting their lavish honeymoons on facebook.

While i am really happy for them, as i do dream and wish for the same things...i feel like my hard work hasnt been supported by my luck or destiny should i put it that way although a few astrologers and people have mentioned that the future is bright for me.

All these thoughts have left my head spinning and in a self pitying mood that led me to unproductive activities. Although i can say i have decided not to partake in them after indulging in them for hours yesterday and earlier part of this day, i have decided to catch a movie, to finish off my lamenting.

Like i have heard that wallowing and self pity often takes a toll on those who yearn for activity in their life, the same applied to me. Once again, i can truthfully speak that my thoughts have been affected by the thoughts of others and the outside atmosphere.

Enough of these incoherent ramblings, as putting my feelings down in words have helped and i have realised that like always my hard work will pay off. So a warning to the world, i shall attack with full force after 4 hours.

Till then....i shall enjoy the movie and adious to all;>

AnneJ

And the haircut does wonders

2011-07-22T21:12:00.001+08:00

The haircut was scheduled for today and i surprised myself when i told Mr R to go ahead and give me a shorter cut that would change the look.

As a kid i never enjoyed looking at myself after haircuts and this stayed through my teens and into adulthood. This time round, the haircut was almost like cutting away unwanted area in my life and memory that were holding me back.

The lost of about 5 inches was like removing the burden off my shoulders and just being who i am.

The wind through my hair and a bounce in my step made me all the more pleased with my cut.

All this sure has made me optimistic and will continue to stay so......toodles all ;>

Throbbing headache

2011-07-21T22:43:00.000+08:00

Somehow the throbbing headache is not as torturing as it usually is.

The gut feeling is calm, possibly preparing for something good that will be coming. So i guess i can frisk up for that.

I know i have been in the blues recently but thats not for long, after all there is a reason behind name and i firmly believe in that.

So here i am, feeling better about a few internal changes i have made and too full from the junk food i had.

Am off to nurse the headache....nitez dear

Them good ole boys were drinking whisky and rye

2011-07-20T15:28:00.002+08:00

Days seem to be moving awfully slow, it has never been this painstaking. Its as if i am at a standstill and the entire world is zipping right past me with no acknowledgement of any sort.

Depressed is not the exact word, its a mix of melancholy and yearning. What pains me is that i over care for others easily. Its my problem i know, i should change that but what if they give me the allusion that they care. Or maybe i have been fooled again....but u can't fool me twice as the saying goes.

All this brings the song: Bye bye miss american pie by Don McLean. Its an old song but its deep. Anyone can tell that its not as superficial as it sounds, it addresses some of the unfair issues at that time just based on humanity. Its about cheating and taking what is others. It sure is long by the standards of other songs. It beats the bollywood songs of that era but it is just too deep and its not all that dopey, the music picks towards the end signifying that we can pick ourselves up, its all in our hands at the end of the day ;>

So while it seems i do not have much of a choice at this stage, i shall choose to smile at the world. The world can take everything else that i offer or have but they cant take what is in me and my choices to grin like a Cheshire cat over simple memories hoping things will be better.

Well i do believe that things will be better and i will achieve what i want and plan on doing, it just takes a good ole song to kick my feet up.

Cheers ya'll

Resurrected

2011-07-18T15:20:00.002+08:00

The gut feeling supported my urge to start writing again but what can i say, i was lazy to start.

The trip changed things, started to appreciate what life gave me, learnt about others, made friends and the urge to start writing grew within.

So here i am. I am sorry dear blog, i ignored u but u've always been in my mind, there have been times when i came back and read my previous entries that showed me how far ahead i have come despite all the difficulties and although things are different the rain and the silver lining behind every cloud have stayed consistent.

Well i have achieved a few things till date, am proud yet humble of the achievements. There is a lot more i would like to achieve in life and plan on persisting till the end.

On a side note, it feels good to be back and having an avenue for myself. I definitely welcome comments although i have changed a few feature to reduce spam. Look forward to hearing from you and till then....

AnneJ smiles

Moments matter

2007-08-02T21:44:00.000+08:00

To say that i have been busy would be to lie and to say that i have been a sloth would be degrading.

Actually i have been keeping a low profile because i have been feeling rather disconnected with almost every other thing. Living for the moment would be a good way of explaining what i have been up to.

This behaviour for some one who is known to be an extrovert could be explained by the realisation that dawned upon me about the state of many "relationships" that i have tried to maintain. The lack of acknowledgement by those that i have cared for so long seems to have been registered by my brain.

The result was the massive removal of contacts from my handphone and email address books, followed by a long period of "self - discovery".

I have not exactly gained much from this time although i can claim that i have shopped more comparatively to the previous GSS.

All this behaviour had come to an end by the 22nd of July 2007, Sunday, once i had finished reading Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows. For me it was a great read and i rate it as my favourite out of the 7 in the series. Besides its literary aspects, i began to appreciate the things that i have been taking for granted: the value of human relationships, the meaning of choices and the real worth of time.

I never seemed to get past themes like these during Literature and all of a sudden i got what i had been blocking off for a very long time.

Now i have begun to look at many things from a different light and i think i am happy with the way i am able to move on with my life after all that has happened.

It seems like i am willing to intergrate into swirling pool of human relationships and be lost in it.

So the familiar that had become rather alien - like for me is now pretty much fine and i have started yearning for things of the past like Debating and doing Sports.

If only there was a Recreational Ladies soccer team or a Hockey team(my mum has threatened to be horrid if i join a full fledged one as she is afraid of me breaking my bones), i would be back to normal.

The summer that i've been waiting for is here

2007-07-10T09:32:00.000+08:00

And i went back to MJ yesterday to get my A level Cert and attend Dr S's lecture.

It was swell being back at the place that i have been missing loads these days. The teachers were just as friendly and i think it was great that i still went down on my own even after i dumped by Lisa and Tricia. At least i had fun speaking with all the teachers especially, Mrs Logan, Dr S, Mr Max Chong and Mrs Tay. The only downer was that Mrs Chua had left for Dunman High - these news were told to me when i said hi to Mr Chen when i was at least 2 cabins away from where he was sitting.

I want to go back MJ once more before the end of this month. Till then, i have to finish reading all that i have procrastinatng and catch that which will be released on the 12th of July.

Yippi Di Do - said by Mrs Chua and scribbled by me onto a Geog Lecture note last year.

Till later, ta ya'll.

P.S: Wan Wen, i am really sorry that i can't make it to your farewell, am really caught up with loads of things. So i shall say my byes and wish you all the luck and hope that you have grand time in the land of the Aussies. Take care my friend.

Frustration

2007-06-20T13:49:00.000+08:00

All the depression is now turning into frustration and i am getting frustrated at no one else but myself.

Yea sure there is one other person that is going through the same situation that i am but at least she has people that are supporting her, that includes me. But there is no one that i can tell them about whats going on with me. Really i just can't explain the situation at home without them being at a total lost.

These days there is nothing that makes me happy. Seriously nothing. When i shop, my reason for buying something would that it would be useful. I have begun to supress my own wants because i have realised that wishing is something that only gives you hope.

The reason, that has surfaced recently, to explain the situation at home lies on a basis that i used to believe in its existence but have never experienced it before. It is this reason that has gotten my mind so messed up that leads me to being so frustrated at myself that i have to tell myself to calm down and not to lash at anyone.

The amazing thing is that i have not lashed at anyone, not a single person and that includes those absolutely irritating call centre people advertising their non existent products. But the frustration that builds up is really weird, it makes me mumb and the person who asks nicely if i am fine, gets a blank reply of i am fine and nothings wrong.

Being frustrated at others can be gotten rid off by rationalising but being frustrated at your ownself is being plain silly and nonsensical because it does not achieve anything.

When Celebs Abuse Rehab - By Patti Davis

2007-06-05T17:16:00.000+08:00

May 30, 2007 - Lindsay Lohan is back in rehab. Back? Wasn’t she just there? Fellow bad girl Britney Spears wasn’t in long enough for her hair to grow back. Meanwhile, Paris Hilton zipped right by rehab and picked up the GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL card.

In the last year or so, rehab has become the ultimate publicity tool, a brief break from the glitzy life, a chance to burnish one’s reputation. (The bad girls aren’t alone in this regard; see Mel Gibson, Isaiah Washington.) What we’ve forgotten is that rehab is supposed to result in rehabilitation. Hence the name. Rehabilitating one’s life, when it’s broken and damaged, is not just a weekend stay.

I never went to rehab. I should have. I plunged willingly, desperately, into addiction at the pliable age of 15. My poison, my love, was speed. It came in pretty colored tablets called amphetamines. Over the years it changed to capsules—some clear with orange and black granules inside, some pure black. Like the devil. Like hell.

Like the hell I lived in well into my 20s. Cocaine replaced pills at some point. But that wasn’t a big change. I was on the same rushing road—the road that too often leads to a fiery blinding end, way before your years would justify death by anything other than a speeding car or a bullet.
I quit because I decided not to die. I quit all alone—the same way I started. I quit in spite of long nights when the taste of cocaine would come up in my throat—drifting up out of my cells, I guess—and I wanted it so badly my nails dug into my palms until they drew blood. I quit by trying to live inside a body that was so much older than my years—I could actually feel my blood, my organs lurching along, almost like they were asking what they were supposed to do without the jacked up jolt of the drugs they’d gotten used to for so many years. My thoughts, my head, my dreams … black doesn’t even begin to describe that territory. For over a decade, I’d only known the world through the blur of speed.

It was the late '70s. There probably was rehab in some form, but I didn’t know, and I didn’t search. I wish so badly now that I had been able to go into a facility like the ones that abound now. An environment dedicated to pushing me into wellness. An environment with people who had already stumbled down the road that was before me, people who could teach me, console me, shake me up. People who knew my excuses, my rationalizations, my manipulations even before they came out of my mouth.

It makes me angry when I see how the opportunity of being in rehab can be abused as nothing more than a slick PR move. A brief retreat from the paparazzi. How lucky these celebrities are to be able to go to one of these facilities (which are not cheap) and to benefit from the wisdom and help that waits behind the gates.

I struggled for years to learn on my own what someone like Lohan could learn in months, if she were willing to do so. Of course, that learning also has to be followed by practice. Every day. Forever. But it can start in rehab.

Abusing ourselves with any kind of substance abuse is a violation of the gift of life—it isn’t what any of us were put here for. And treating rehab like it’s just a strategic career move is practically blasphemous.

I imagine the other people in these rehab facilities, watching a celebrity breeze in for a week or so, then leave. I imagine their anger—actually, I don’t have to imagine it, I feel it, too. It’s hard to fix the places where you’re broken, hard to wrestle with your demons. If you don’t take the help that’s available along the way, there will come a day when you are left all alone with demons that have grown so big and so vicious that you can’t defeat them. A lot of people know that and commit themselves to the hard and serious work of rehab. They're the ones who won't have to face the bleak dark road that waits for those celebrities who believe bright lights define them.

Davis, the daughter of Nancy and Ronald Reagan, is a writer based in Los Angeles.

© 2007 Newsweek, Inc.

Whats up - the ceiling

2007-06-05T16:22:00.000+08:00

Well life has been mundane - hope that explains the lack of posts.

The stint was done and over on the 24th of May and its time to revel it. (drum roll is of no need) I was working as a relief teacher at Saint Patrick's School teaching English and Literature. I know, i have said that i would never be a teacher but well i jumped into this because i thought i should go for it since i have the time to afford. Its a great experience really. I never thought that i could teach to a class of 40 boys who can barely sit still.

The truth is, the first week wasn't great as i had to scream at the guys to settle down - thanks to all the stuff that i was told in the stuffroom. But as time passed, i wasn't strict. I played hangman with the guys, teased them about their girlfriends and rubbed it in when Man U lost. Yea well since i wasn't there long enough, clearly they didn't get to know me that well, even though some of the midgets have found my friendster. I have heard from others if i feel appreciated considering how much i actually did for them - i never gave them a bad remark or left them with any yellow form, well the truth is Not really but it really doesn't matter as long as those that listened during my class passed and did well in their exams.

With the stint done and over with, i will definately not mind if they address me by my name - to think about it, i am only about 5 - 6 years older then them (depending on which class i was in).

So thats done and i am glad that i took the chance.

Moving on, life is monotonous. So am definately not interested in commenting on it.

I still have to watch Pirates 3 and re-read HP 6. Goodness i feel like a sloth these days - considering i just finished the 3/4 KitKat Chunky i had left in the fridge and i still feel like eating.

Ta ya'll as i raid my kitchen.

Just when i thought

2007-05-21T18:35:00.000+08:00

that i had shaken off all the worries and left it in the hands of those two in my house, i realised what a bitch that outsider is.

At first i thought that i was going to rant, but now i simply can't form the words. Tears would form in my eyes and make it seem as if there is a well of tears waiting to burst out but all that come out are two tears that will roll down my cheeks and fall onto my t-shirt.

I had thought that i had seen the worst but apparently i hadn't. I had thought that there was limit to what people would do for money but there isn't. I had thought that if i leave matters up to those to things would fall into place but clearly that isn't going to happen thanks to that bitch.

Now that i have learnt that she has been the one fueling the fire of discord in my house, i really could not think of what to do. I had thought that when i get back home today, i can start on finalising which other route am i going to be taking thanks to that rejection letter that i got.

But clearly someone out there is bent to make our lives miserable, while she is having fun. I could slap her but i know that things aren't going to change with the slap. And there is nothing else that i will do.

Goodness, i just need a break. I know i won't get that any time soon. So thats that.

There was a time when i used to think that people who slash themselves are silly but now i think i understand why do that. At least they will be able to feel a pain that is tangible than the pain and sorrow that they are going through.

Maybe i should stop wallowing in self pity as there are people out there in the world who may be worse of than me. I think i should.

Maybe i have and maybe i have tried to move on but every time i take a step forward i do not see a path, instead i see a never ending abyss.

While sunshine is guaranteed after every thunderstorm, the devastation and destruction that the storm leaves behind cannot be erased or hidden by the glare of the sunshine.

I do know that life isn't a bed of roses but the irony lies in the fact that i can't seem to get Bon Jovi's Bed of Roses out of my head.

Whats Stopping me?

2007-05-16T17:57:00.000+08:00

I had thought i would treat myself by pre-ordering the HP book 7 but i didn't.

I was a total fool today at the place i work (for those of you who do know please do not announce it on my blog, there is a reason. Sms/email me and i will tell you.) and i gloriously covered it up before they realised what a horried fool i am.

Oh and just a thought, i want to go roller blading when its raining - doesn't have to be pouring, drizzling will do. I think it would be grade. Am just worried that the blades will stink if they don't dry properly and my scorpian prowlers are mighty expensive.

Swimming in the rain - been there, done that. Its a glorious feeling especially when i take a huge breath and stay underwater to see the rain fall right into the water. Swimming under the hot sun - done that loads of times, evidence 1: never fading tan due to the layers of tan that have accumulated over the years and evidence 2: hair that turning lighter after every single session these days. My mum who always bugs me to exercise ends up getting a "heart attack" when she sees these 2 evidences.

How am i supposed to water proof my blades? I think i am going bonkers once again.

Whats left

2007-05-06T10:09:00.000+08:00

I have given up hope about the situation at home. If there is a God, i hope you will listen to my prayers and take into consideration the vows that i have taken. I am not going to be the least bothered about the situation at home no more. I do know that it will affect me. my mood will go bad etc but i really can't lose who i am at the end of the day.

I recently realised that my personality has had a major change although many can't tell as i am pretty much the same on the surface.

Have to work on that. Besides, i feel that i am just ruining my own life and future by fretting over something that was not caused by me and does not revolve around me. If they are interested in patching up, so be it. If not, i am leaving it in the hands of whoever is out there. If they care about me they will try to fix the situation and help themselves. But i am not going to do a single thing about anything from now on.

Seriously, there is a limit to how much pressure i can take, there is a limit to the facade of being happy and fine when i am actually worried and depressed deep down inside. It may be wrong to swear but i swear that i am just sick and tired of all this.

Its not as if i don't have enough worries in my life that i have to carry the burden of your worries and make you happy at my expense. So thats it. Lesson learnt: If others want to live a happy and carefree life at my expense they can jolly well go lie in the mud because that is where they won't have to face any worries as i simply do not care anymore.

Call me selfish in this matter and i shan't give a toot about you as i have had it and thats my limit. I am still the same caring person that i used to be but don't expect me to trust easily from now on.

I swear this world is filled with selfish people and it just so happens to be that i have met the majority of them.

Moving on, i think i will make a shout out to Marlina. It was such a pity that you left and we couldn't meet you. I really wanted to meet you and pass you my note and the bangle/bracelet that i got for you. Hope you liked it. Besides, do keep in touch when i get the time to come on MSN or send you a email. Am really sorry for this late message as i have been bogged down by loads of things, one being the above mentioned issue. So i would just like to thank you for those great times that we spent together in school and i sincerley hope that you have a great life ahead and all your dreams come true. Cheers girl and take care.

So thats that and i am left filling a whole lot lighter. Now that i have tossed the burden off my shoulder, i can worry about my life and related problems.

So do expect the old girl that used to be up to crazy antics pretty soon.

Blading

2007-04-29T19:51:00.000+08:00

The morning rain cancelled my plans to go to the gym and for my swim. Ugh, i tell you Singapore has the craziest weather. When the sun is out and about, we complain that its getting too hot and we want the rain. But when the rains come, they come accompanied with hoards of water from goodness knows where and loads of lightning and thunder. The whole atmosphere is soaking wet and dark making my mood rather gloomy.

Well at the end of the day my mopping was heard at the Great heavens as the sky cleared and the huge, bright, yellow round sun came out and i happily got my roller blades on and headed out with my dark shades.

I tried out a new route today. It was great, as in i really had a good work out and it was a fun route with me speeding along, swerving and looking like an absolute maniac at times.

Although i feel that i need a blading buddy, i kind of enjoy the me time. But i still would like to have a blading buddy.

But i doubt if there are any around.

Anyway i got to go, the movie Taal starring Aishwariya Rai is on. Always been a great fan of that movie.

Ta!

Can someone tell me?

2007-04-25T18:03:00.000+08:00

1)I have been wanting to learn how to surf for very long. Are there any clubs/soceities that teach how to surf. But i doubt if any great waves can be caught at the Singapore beaches. Still i want to learn.

2)Any club / soceity on scuba diving? Been wanting to do that for very long as well.

3)Any Ice hockey club for recreational players? I need to learn first. If it aint possible, how about inline hockey. Wanted to join inline hockey in 2006 but gave up the idea as it was a activity out of school and debates was taking up too much of my free time. Also i didn't pursue it as i couldn't commit for the female soccer team as well.

I just want to join a sport as i haven't since i used to play basketball in TKGS. If anyone happens to know, can you please tell me? Thanks a bunch !

Its cool

2007-04-22T19:48:00.000+08:00

The flu was irritating.

The itchy throat last thursday made my mother gloat over the fact that i am going to fall sick and she used to utter those words of her every ten minutes. Well her words came true on Friday. The fever and the running nose have disppeared but the cough is still around and it will take ages for it to leave me.

Besides all the gloom about having to spend my entire weekend lying at home there was nothing that i could do.

So in other words i will cut the crap and start on the quiz that i got Dagny to interview me. Below is the email that she sent me along with the instructions.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

The following are your questions. Below those are the directions that should also be included in the post.

1. What is your favorite type of book?

2. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

3. You have unlimited funds. What are the first three things you would do with your wealth?

4. Which blogger would you trade places with for a day?

5. And finally, an easy one -- what's your favorite color?

Here are the instructions to continue:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Enjoy!
Dagny
--------------------

My answers:

1) Classics are my favourite type of books. Little Woman, Jane Eyre, Anne of Green Gables are my favourite books till date. I still enjoy re-reading them.

2)Ok this is a tough one for me. I think it will the U.S.A but i am still not sure. For all you know, i wouldn't mind settling in India in about 15 - 20 years time.

3) Unlimited funds in today's materialistic world is such a boon. Alright here are my 3 wishes genie:
- 1st thing : Get out of here and get myself an overseas education. Tuition fees, living costs and all other costs are happily covered.
-2nd thing: Get myself a wonderful pair of custom made cowboy boots and learn horse riding.
-3rd thing: A get - away to the sinking islands of Maldives - just me and my best friend.
Tell me my wants are simple.

4) No one, seriously.

5) Purple. I think very few people know about this. Yeap its purple, but its not the dark shade, i like the lighter shades of purple. Lilac and Lavender are amazing shades of purple.
--------------------------------

There i am done. Thanks Dagny once again and if there is anyone who is interested in being interviewed by yours truly, do leave me a tag or a comment.

I thing this quiz/tag/meme is really cool. If there are any more of these kind of things, do let me know.

So thats about it, nothing interesting. Hope i get to interview some people.

Cheers!

The Little Bugger

2007-04-20T13:07:00.000+08:00

is a real bugger.

I had plans for today and they were gloriously cancelled thanks to a microscopic bug called influenza or flu for short.

I wish i could pick it and give it two tight slaps so that it remembers never to come near me again.

But i know i can't and i am too drowsy to continue.

Will post later again as i have loads to say.

Note

2007-04-14T12:15:00.000+08:00

Kindness is not weakness.

All i want is

2007-04-11T19:25:00.000+08:00

Someone.

Yeap that is right.

I am tired about everything. No i am not angsty right now, i am just tired.

I need that someone, that is new in my life that can teach me how to trust again and how to laugh.

I am serious about me learning how to laugh. The last hearty laugh i had is now in my memory that i have been preserving through these very trying times. These memories lighten my heart, make my lips turn up and give me a glimpse of hope to carry on.

But i really feel as if i am lagging. I need some change that can revive me. I need to get over this feeling that i keep having: the likelyhood of tears welling up in my eyes as the horrible memories flood past the barriers that i have put in my mind can result in me having a huge breakdown anytime.

I am tough, but i feel that if i have been placed on this earth to help others, isn't there someone who is here on earth that is here to help me?

I am not being selfish and i am not throwing a tantrum. I am just tired of being the object that is being volleyed to and fro without any rest. I am just asking for some comfort.

I am not demanding, i guess i will be fine if my want isn't fulfilled.

I guess if i am not broken at the end of all this, i will be a stronger person.

What it is about Exams that really freaks me out

2007-04-11T19:15:00.000+08:00

My fear for exams is not the inability of not being able to understand or comprehand the questions. I am not being over confident here by claiming that i am a complete know it all and smart ass that is able to sprout facts about Economics and Geography without a second or analysing a piece of text at its first reading. The actual reason as to why i am not very concerned about this is issue is because i really do feel that if i have studied hard enough and do know what is needed and am confident that i do know the necessary details well enough, it is just a matter or twisting the question around to suit what you know and pen it all down. ( I know this sounds really easy to say right now but i think by the A levels, a majority - if not all of the students should be able to put the above into action. )

What i am really afraid about for exams especially the major ones is the possibility of having a complete blank out and not being able to remember a single detail. Along with that, i am afraid that this phase will not be momentary but rather something that prevents me from completing the entire exam paper, which in turn results in me having miserable grades and facing the prospect of not achieving my goals.

Actually i am so afraid about this that i have now decided that i am not going to be posting this up till after my A levels. I know this sounds silly but this feeling that i get is a nagging one that is always present in my head.

However, because of this i have indeed prepared myself that if the unexpected ever happens and threatens to upset whatever situation that i am in, i will not panic and try to gain control of the situation and make the best out of it instead of giving up and lifting my hands of the entire situation.

Where there is a will, there is a way - i have always felt that this quote has always made loads of sense because if someone is deteremined enough to get their goals fulfilled, they will indeed be prepared to face both the good and the bad that comes along the way and prove it to others that it is indeed possible to make their dreams come true instead of simply leaving on cloud number 9.

The revealings of Sitemeter

2007-04-05T17:28:00.000+08:00

I know that my blog hasn't been very active as i have been having mood swings and my obstinance can make me write absolute nonsense that i would think of as perfect sense when i am not in the right mood. Nope its nothing major, its just personal conflicts that would make me seem like a schizophrenic to all those that read this blog. The truth actually is that for some reason, i am enjoying the personal time that i have right now. My outings have not been reduced but they aren't as frequent as others. Maybe its just another new phase that will pass. As to when will it pass, i have no idea and i am in no rush.

I know that my blog is mundane, it isn't filled with daily anecdotes. My writing is definately plain and nothing fanciful. I am definately not complaining about my blog or comparing myself with other bloggers and feeling absolutely horrid because it is my choice that i do not feel like blogging.

Today's post was meant to be relective but it is actually going to go out to a certain someone who reads my blog. Thanks for reading my blog and having my blog under your links but i would like to know who you are, if you don't mind. I am guessing that your screen name is shutale/denise. I tried to figure out who you are but i couldn't. I would absolutely love to receive a email from you. Please send it to the email address that you find at the top right hand corner.
And your way of writing is amazing, poetic yet prose - like in content.

I think i will sign off here as i am not willing to blog about my work currently but will definately do so once my stint at this place is over. All i am going to say is that this place is interesting and i never thought i would work at this place. The work is interesting, hilarious and exasperating. Its just amazing.

Thats it......Ta to ya'll

A Summer to Remember

2007-03-24T13:15:00.000+08:00

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows - the final book in the HP series will be released on the 21st of July 2007 and the movie Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix will be out on the 13th of July.

I really can't wait for July.

Goodness, at least i there is one thing that i can look forward too without any form of apprenhsion.

Another piece of good news: The trio - Dan Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson have been signed on for the last 2 movies as well. Its not as if i am great fans of them but i doubt if i will be able to enjoy my last 2 HP movies if they weren't in the cast line - up.

I just can't wait for the mystery to unravel, so till then i will have to re-read Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince so that i do not lose the story line when i finally get the final book in my hands.

Realization? Not

2007-03-23T10:08:00.000+08:00

Joel's latest blog entry just transformed those bells that have been ringing in my head for the past 3 weeks into loud church bells.

Joel has always had his inner talent with him and he finally realised what he is really good at.

Today, i have no inclination about the direction my life is heading to with full force. Till date, i have taken up subjects that i have never pursued. First it was the whole Triple Science fever when i was in TKGS and after the horrendous realisation that acience isn't for me i happily switchd to Arts in MJC thinking i was an arts person. Today, i am not at any crossroads. I am just standing alone in some weird desert in my head, cracking my brain and asking myself at every possible juncture in life as to why i want to do business. Its a good thing i got over the whole thing of making law my career long before i even got into law school. I know its late but i finally realised that i do not have the cut for law and i would not have been able to take the pressure. I guess the only comforting thought is that i have still continued swimming and i guess i have used those speech and drama skills from that course that i went to.

Currently the only thought that has been running through my head is the major that i may take if i get into Business and i have absolutely no idea about what it actually entails.

I think my brain is just muddled up.

I want those letters to come in fast, thats it.

Partial Solar Eclipse

2007-03-19T17:02:00.000+08:00

Today, there was a partial solar eclipse in the morning. Actually i didn't even now about it till i came back from rollerblading.

The atmosphere and the weather was pretty dull today and the sunshine was concentrated at certain angles. Must be due to the eclipse that prevented the sun from letting it light brightening up the atmosphere.

Its said that it ain't good to be out when there is any form of eclipse going on. Maybe it could have caused the black spots that i began to see.

Besides, this eclipse is particularly close to the vernal equinox that will occur on the 21st of March.

I wish i knew more about eclipse(s). There are 2 more for this year. Today's one was the 2nd one. The 1st eclipse of this year was a total lunar eclipse on the 3rd of April. The next total lunar eclipse is the 3rd eclipse for this year and will happen on the 28th of August. As for the last eclipse, it will be a partial solar eclipse as well and will occur on the 11th of September.

For some reason, my interest in astronomy has awaken and i hope i can understand the readings that are out there.

Memories and thoughts

2007-03-12T16:11:00.000+08:00

Going back to school today and seeing it deserted (I forgot its the 1 week march holidays now) made me realise how much i enjoyed going for Geography lessons, be it lectures or tutorials.

The lethargic feeling that we used to experience after the double Lit lectures used to keep us at the benches in the Atrium before we finally lugged oursleves and our bags up to the Geog room, is something that i miss. I know its weird - about a year ago i often used to cringe at the thought of having to undergo an info heavy session but i always used to attend because i clearly remember that i used to enjoy the lessons despite the fact that i hadn't finished my tutorials. Now, its all going to change, even in University - if i dont finish my work, it aint going to bother the lecturers because it shows that i haven't got the self-discipline thats needed for University.

Just like what Mrs Chua told me this morning, in Uni i am going to have to do all my things alone. Its not like i never handled my responsibilites well, its just that the amount of guidance that we are going to be receiving is going to be minimal. Just like what Mr Chen used to tell us last year, he isn't obliged to come after us if we don't complete our work as he has already gotten his degree - but he still did because he did care (in a different way). Likewise, the professers in the Uni aren't going to come after us because 1) they aint obliged to do so and 2) it aint their job.
So its going to be a hell lot of brushing up once Uni starts.

Like people say, Uni life is the one time when we can have fun. Yeap thats for sure but that one statement has loads of assumptions. It can be assumed that the fun can be derived if the course you have decided to read is one that you enjoy or two it can also mean that we can have fun without any worries as there is no one that will come after us besides the police and the parents (if they are strict - if not most parents aint the least bothered). At the same time, people that are able to stay within their limit can have enjoy and have their share of fun without putting their future careers at stake.

There seems to be loads of options but i guess the lesson that i am going to take is that which i came upon while i was rollerblading yesterday. Just like i have wheels that allow me to go faster but it is the stamina that really determines my speed, likewise i do have opportunity to decide my future however the actual outcome of my future really depends on whether i do have that determination to make full use of my oppurtunity. Just like how i need to keep looking ahead to ensure that i do not loose my balance but keep looking down to ensure that small stones or gravel do not unstabilise me leave me scars, i need to keep optimistic so that i do not get depressed but at the same time i should keep my feet on the ground such that i do not loose my focus from reality and be wary of the small matters that can have a huge negative impact on my life.

Life seems to be really uncertain today. Last year seems as if it happened ages ago but it isn't technically . Today, i feel that i have lost my drive to be somewhere because of the impending decisions that are to be made and the following wait for the admissions approval.

I try not to be lethargic but i really can't help watching the T.V even though i know i have those 2 library books that i want to read.

All this has just made me realise the goodness in education. For that, i thank my parents, my teachers and my friends.

P.S : Doesn't the last line sound alot like the ending line of what the Oscar winners usually say? Oh by the way, i met Mrs Tay or also know as Jerene by Andy who complained that the current batch of J2s are difficult to teach. So in response i just joked about our batch being the best batch to teach, without seeing that Mr Max Cheong was nearby . So i got a huge, enthusiastic loud "YES" from Mr Max followed by a "definitely/absolutely" from Mrs Tay. Its such a nice feeling to know that the teachers actually liked us (including me considering the fact that Mr Max Cheong know me well enough). I am a happy happy person right now because i shared a couple of good laughs with Mrs Chua about my job and this incident just made me feel better!

Should I?

2007-03-04T16:44:00.000+08:00

The option presented to me right now is tempting. But the question is whether i should accept while putting those that i care about at risk. To think that the offer has been presented by one of them makes it all the more confusing.

Is the offer genuine enough? Maybe there may be no hidden purposes right now but i am afraid that they may come up later.

If i do accept this offer, does that mean that i let the current one go away? What do i say? N how am i supposed to refuse?

If i get this option, i swear that i will really work on it. I will definately not allow myself to make any excuses for the downfalls i make. I can promise that i will not let this sacrifice go to waste.

So what now?

The results

2007-03-03T14:56:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a day that i know i won't be experiencing again. The nervous anxiety, the constant urge to breakdown and the final shock is just too much of feelings for just one piece of paper.

The results were fine. No more, no less. Yeap, i didn't get what i expected but i am satisfied. I am definately in a better mood today than i was yesterday. Currently there is nothing for me to give up. As for now, i am just going to move on as whats done is done. There is nothing i can really do about it.

I just hope i can get to that final destination in life. Seriously, there is a limit to how much these grades can determine our life.

Anyway, i would just like to congratulate all those that got their results yesterday, no matter what the results are - the congrats are meant for you being able to get past the exhausting and mind boggling two years. We JC students have now left them behind forever.

Oh and just a piece of interesting fact: Yesterday was the 2nd of March and it was exactly 3 months since the day the A levels started: 2nd Nov 06.

A level Results

2007-02-26T14:31:00.000+08:00

.....are out on the 2nd of March 2007, Friday.

Its great isn't it? Its finally here!

I am Back!

2007-02-24T17:33:00.000+08:00

Yes people, i am back in Singapore. Been back since the 16th of Feb and i noe i am late in updating my blog. I am sorry. The thing is, i've been really busy - had the loads of unpacking to do coupled with cleaning up the house and getting thouse disgusting dust balls out of my nose's sight. Besides, there was the tussle between the parents that got everything upset.

Getting over the miseries, its on to whats left in 2007. Yeap, i celebrated New Year in India and it was a different one. It was my 2 cousins, 2 aunts( actually one is only 6 months older and the other is 3 years older than me) and me that did the coundown to 2007 while the elder folks - that includes my mum - were happily snoring. Besides that instance , the bonding between my cousins got even better. Oh and if there was one thing that i learnt about my cousins was that my guy cousins are bent on irritating us girls. And they all are younger than us.

On the whole, the trip to India was great. I had fun, had a whole load of experiences( includes straightening my hair), met loads of people as well, learnt how to drive, got my indian driving license, got really nice clothes for my one and only older cousin brother's wedding, took part in other wedding rituals that have to be performed by unmarried girls, got teased a whole lot by aunts and grand aunts who had nothing better to do(as i am the next in line in my generation - that does no include those 2 aunts as they are a generation older), teased my cousin brother, got mehndi - or also known as henna in Singapore applied on my hands for the wedding, got to witness the entire wedding and had more fun.

I took a couple of photos during the stay at the countryside and during a mini gathering but i havent uploaded them on the computor yet. Also, i didn't bring my camera along for the wedding, so i will have to wait for my cousin brother to scan them and send them to me.

But now that i am back, my mood's been dampened. Its the impending results. My share of uncanny nightmares that made sense yet didn't when i woke up - have made the wait miserable.

Currently i am at a huge loss. But i hope not to be in the future. Putting aside the sad stuff, i would like to inform that i would love to meet up with my friends but it will have to be in the weekends as i will be starting work soon. I am still contactable on my handphone and by email. So do contact me - even if its just for a chat. :>

Another Change of plans

2006-12-12T19:19:00.000+08:00

I am absolutely exhausted and rushing against time to give a long update.

Please ignore the previous post. I am going to India tomorrow - 13th Dec. the packing which was halted and not cared about was once again messed up and is still a mess.

I will be away (as preplanned) till Feb.

Sorry about not being able to meet up.

Toodles

Change of Plans

2006-12-07T22:29:00.000+08:00

To those that were glad that i was going to India for 2 months plus i am really sorry to squash your happiness. The trip's been cancelled.

Actually i am not at all dissappointed, i am actually rather relieved in a weird way that gives me a deja vu feeling.

Anyway, just want to inform that i am free till i find i job.

Cheers !

Been busy

2006-12-05T20:45:00.000+08:00

Wan Wen's tag made me realise that it more than a week has zoomed by since my last entry. Well too many things are going on at the same time. I got my SAT 1 done and over with on the 2nd of December, after which everything is going at fast speed( moderate at times).

The thing is i am going off to India on the 13th of December and will not be back till Febuary next year. Yes, it is a super long time but i can't help it. I want to go and the incentives are many and that includes a cousin's wedding - finally the marriages that take place is in my generation although i aint going to get married any time soon(my cousin is 25 plus and i am 18 so its a long long way to go). As such, my blog will be on a vacation for the 2nd time in 6 months as i really don't think i can update any posts from there although i will be checking my emails; so do keep in touch.

Packing is no joke, it requires loads of economic decision to be made as the best alternative has to be forgone as the things we pack must benefit us and others. I still have loads of things to do and that includes clearing out a shelf in my cupboard.

Anyway i do not want to go into the silly and crazy things i have been up to because its absolutely typical of me. I will be taking a temporary diary along to India so that i can jot down all my thoughts and the un- typical thangs that happened.

I really do not have much to say except that i will be missing loads of get togethers, parties and such and i am really sorry. More than events, it is the people that i am going to miss. My class, The Debator Grls and my friends are the people whom i am going to remember loads during my stay in India.

I am not expecting much out of my trip this time round as i do not want to be dissappionted but i do want to learn loads of things before i head back here. Really, this time round i want to relax and appreciate everything and i mean it.

Even though i know that this entire post is a jumble of all i had to say, i still have one more thing i want to add.

It is to the person i met in the afternoon, on the 2nd of December. I really doubt that you read my blog because i don't even think you know that i have a blog. All i wanted to say was Sorry - for not getting a conversation started. Well, there is always an introvert within and extrovert and that is what stopped me from starting a conversation. There is no doubt that you are a nice person - its just that i do not know you well enough. Its just that i am uncomfortable about one thing and that is the fact that we stopped communicating years ago. Maybe its because of the environment, maybe its us or maybe its just fate. Also i wonder if you took what i said to you so seriously; when you were leaving for Melbourne or is it that you are genuinly interested in knowing about how i am after so many years. Whatever the reasons are, i am sorry and i am pretty sure that i will be apologising to you about this even before you read this. If you happen to read this before i speak to you, contact me. Thanks again and i am really sorry.

So with that over, i would just like to wish everyone an early Merry Christmas and Happy New year as i won't be around to wish then.

Take care and Tata !

The end of Charmed

2006-11-24T21:44:00.001+08:00

Today, the last episode of Charmed was aired in Singapore. Besides the absolutely gorgeous actors that Charmed always cast, i actually learnt about another lesson: The need to think with your brain and your heart.

If there is one thing that Charmed that has always emphasised besides the fact that Good triumps over Evil, is the emphasis on balancing emotional and intellectual reasoning in all situations - no matter what kind of extreme situation that one can be, feelings and personal bias cannot reign over your lives. Calculated risks have to be taken and one must have the guts to go along with that decision even if others may express their doubts regarding it.

The A levels are finally over and i feel that i have done what i could do. All i can do is to pray and move on with life no matter what happens. Seriously a paper qualification may decide the kind of first job that one may get but it does not necessarily determine one's success or failure.

I have to do loads of things and learn loads of things and i am willing to meet up as long as i am told in advance and not last minute. I am not a last minute person unless you are planning something absolutely informal. Any way i am just kidding, just contact me and i will let you know if i can make it.

Cheers to ya'll and Good night - although the night is still young.

Rachel Hale - an amazing photographer

2006-11-21T18:10:00.000+08:00

I am melting in my chair, not because i saw Johnny Depp or any other really hot guy but rather because i went to this site http://www.rachaelhale.com/Default.aspx. Goodness, the lil doggies and kitties were so darn adorable.

All i could think of was telling these lil things to stop acting so darn innocent and adorable. The shots are amazing especially with the natural and simple style of Rachel's as well as the subtle juxtaposition that she does.

There is one picture where this adorable brown labrador puppy - i think looks lost and sad being surrounded with the pink roses. This picture just left me perplexed as to whether i should laugh or whether i should really believe that the little pup is really that lost and he aint such a good actor like the other dogs that i have met.

I would love to get a coffee book of Rachel's pictures. Maybe i could...once i start to work. But really till then, a visit to her website will suffice.

I want to get out - i really do

2006-11-19T11:55:00.000+08:00

Despite all the joy of knowing that the end of the A levels is here, there is a tinge of forlornness in my heart.

Yeap, the exams are about to be over but i just cannot see past it. I just want to start anew.

Last night i was freaking pissed with myself for absolutely no reason and over issues that i have no control of. I was really seething with anger and i actually surprised myself when i replied a snappish No in response to my mum's genuine concern as to whether i was feeling cold in the car.

I feel that i am too cloistered here in Singapore due to my parents and their ways, the preplanned route that one has to take without questioning in Singapore and the fact that i can never get out of Singapore cause 1) my parents ain't rich enough to sponser my education overseas 2) if i do want to get out, i need a scholarship and i do know my own limits - i am not scholarship material 3) my parents are too cloistered in their own world for them to allow me to go into the supposed big bad world all on my own.

Besides, what I really want to do now is to go off to some other huge country where I can be someone based on my own merits -I can work for myself; be liable for my own actions such that i will no longer be falsely blamed for things going wronged and not having anyone claiming my credits, as i know that i do not point fingers at others just to save myself; if i am sick and tired of the place, i could go off on a weekend drive, have a breather and then start the new week all fresh and happy and finally i will not have to fend for anyone.

If you want to say that i am escaping my problems, i think u have got it all wrong. I have never run away from any problem till now, i have always met these problems and got them over and done with and cast the remains aside. I just want to get away from probems that are a result of others actions. I am just tired of the kind of life that i am living right now and i just can't do anything to make it right because seriously a divine miracle is needed to to make things go back to how things used to be. But even if things were better i doubt if i will be able to feel the same way because really the relationships have been too severed for them to as great as before.

Sometimes i do wish for a guardian angel that would come and take me a way and ask me what is it that i want to do in life. I really do not want to be another one in the sea of people that are going down the road that has been taken before and will always been taken.

I am not criticising Singapore. Yea sure it has its merits: its safe, clean, has a good standard of living etc etc.

Its just that i rather go off to another country and be a 2nd class citizen on the basis that i am an immigrant rather than being a 2nd class citizen in Singapore on the basis of my parent's income etc and more importantly being overshadowed by those high salary earning expatriates and the extremely "bright" foreign talent. ( I may sound childish, but this is how i feel, i am not condeming the singapore government or anyone. I am just frustrated.)

Today was the first time i understood why Maya Angelou used the title I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings.

I will belt out my horrible rendition of Tis the season to be jolly on the 23rd because i will be happy that the exams are over. But at the same time, another phase of my life will be gone once again in the same manner like those before. I just do not want the same to happen for the time that is lying in front of me.

I really do wish that i could do something.

My dream boarding school for my daughter(s)

2006-11-09T10:50:00.000+08:00

I just came across Emma Williard School and i am completely in love with it. It has always been one of my dreams to study in a boarding school since i was 4 years old. It must have been all those Enid Blyton books that i read especially Mallory Towers and Saint Clares'. Although i can't get into one of these schools as i am in grade 12 and am on the verge of completing it, i have decided that i shall work really hard in the future so that i can send my daughters to a boarding school without any worry about paying the tuition fees etc.

What really drew me on to Emma, as the school is informally called, is the activities they have like Creek night - a secret, annual event where much of the student body running to and swimming in a nearby creek late at night, Senior Triangle - a large triangle of grass in inner campus where only seniors and alumnae are permitted to and the breaking this rule results in "carding" and Eventide - a ceremony where candles are placed all around the senior triangle. All these is Mallory Towers reincarnate. I feel as if i have lost a part of my childhood by not having gone to a boarding school.

My reasons for being crazy about boarding schools:
1) They are either exclusive to girls or to boys. In such environments, children learn more from each other especially if they are of the same gender because they are receptive. It is often noticed that children learn and bond well with things or people in which they find a point of similarity with themselves. I am living proof of it having done 10 years of all girls schooling, i can happily say that i have learnt so much from these 10 years thanks to the memories and the great times that i have had there.

2) Boarding schools encourage children to be smart in the sense of fending for yourself, learning how to live with others and being able to get your work done without the minimal help/guidance that is provided. In other words, children learn to be street smart without having to live off the streets and coming in contact with all that is going on on the streets.

3) Children learn to appreciate the meaning of having a permanent home and a family, they no longer take family members for granted as they realise in a boarding school, no one can be taken for granted and no one will be willing to help you out unless you ask politely. Such values become ingrained in a child so that they will remain with them no matter where they go.

4) Related to point 2, children learn to make decisions for themselves after weighing the pros and the cons. If they do decide to carry out an action and receive unfavourable consequences, they will keep this incident in mind and learn to be more calculative in the future as no one will be there to help them out of the negative consequences or protect them from it - like parents would.

5) The surrounding natural spaces and interation with nature teaches them to appreciate nature and its works. This appreciation will lead them to care for nature in the future.

6) The perks that are associated with being promoted to a higher level gives them the drive to work harder. Although the Senior triangle may seem silly to us at this age, it actually does make an impact on the juniors. This not only makes the younger ones respect the seniors but also keep in mind how much they despised being treated badly so that they will remember not to bully their juniors.

7) Due to the long period of time they stay in a boarding school(ranges from 2-4 years), these children will remember this experience - both the good and the bad - for as long as they live.

8) As it is well known that the best thing parents can give to their children is education, by sending their children to a boarding school, parents give their children 2 oppurtunities: obtaining education and the ability to discover their niche and weaknesses as these children during their stay at a bording school will be able to do what they are better due to the wide variety of core and supplementary subjects that they are able to take.

Although i will not force my daughter(s) - if i do have them - about going to a boarding school, if they wish to go, this is the one that i will send them too.

As for getting my dream come true, its Yale University that can make it come true. Maybe i should aim to go there for my further studies in the future.

Gosh i am just in love with boarding schools. The Architecture, ambiance, campus life, the location of these schools in rural - like areas and the independance that one gets by being in a boarding school really draws me to them. Hope i can go to Yale University some day.

Happy Diwali to all

2006-10-20T12:09:00.000+08:00

Diwali is tomorrow - the 21st of october. I would like to wish all Indians and Hindus a very happy Diwali and may their coming year be a great one.

With the coming of Diwali, i can take a sigh of relief because if Astorlogy does hold truth as i believe it does, then the worst has come and gone. While there is this calmness that i want, i have this hollow pit in my stomach that has come about with my complete lost of interest in pursuing law. While this could be due to my absolutely appaling results its also due my complete loss of faith in the judicial system. This loss is not due to any incident but rather due to my intuition kicking in.

I am left at a complete loss because law was what i wanted my future to be around and with this gone, i find that the future is a volatile one. I am intrigued by those that go and volunteer in Africa and South America where disease, famine and civil war is rife. I would love to do that as well but i wonder if i will be able to accept what i see there.

All this has left me with one choice of doing international affairs under political science and joing a NGO where i know that i can really make a difference. But will this difference be based on my grades? It is no longer a want but a need for me and others.

There are too many questions in my head right now and i hope they are cleared on Sunday. Yes, i do have faith in my religion although i do not practice it fervently like my mum does because i find myself falling back onto rituals rather than really understanding what i am doing.

I have only one hope and that is: Diwali being the festival of lights, a ray of light will show me the path to take. I do not want to know what is in store for me, all i want is the right path.

I pray that you are shown the right path as well.

I am off on a blogging break

2006-10-03T16:39:00.000+08:00

Instead of going with the norm and saying of going on a hiatus, i rather make it sound like i am going off to have fun...not.

Actually i do have my usual urges to blog about the increasing amount of time i have been spending in the kitchen, going grocery shopping every weekend and the way i have been getting irritated this these days, i find that it is actually not significant. All these things should actually be going into my diary but i have not been writting in it since the beginning of this year, its really sad but i bet that i will make up all for it after 23rd Nov.

As much as i would love to argue out that it was absolutely unfair for the marker who marked my GP Essay and failed me also went schizophrenic and gave me ticks throughout the enitre essay but no comments. I really feel that the GP tutors had more than a month and it may sound selfish to say this but really please do not give us the excuse of being under pressure. For goodness sake, we are under pressure as well. Really, i have alot to say but its all emotions that will come out after this and make absolute no sense. However, GP tutors are rigid, schizophrenic and rather unforgiving to the students when they fail them because they have already marked the rest of the cohort according to the original essay scheme and the revision to the scheme is not implemented to the essays that were marked and were going to be marked - so for either case students fail. ( If any tutor that comes across this, please do not fire me for what i have written here, because this is the impression us students are getting and the number of failures is appalling.Also this is a space where i want to air my opinions, so please do not infringe on it. I am sorry if i hurt your feelings but loads of students' morales have been hurt and what are you going to do about it? )

So i am going of on a blogging break. No, i am not letting go of this blog, i intend to keep it for a long time. I will reply to any comments and tags left on this blog, if any.

With that, i would like to wish my Blog Happy birthday in advance as it will be a year old on 9th October.

Eye Reliever

2006-09-23T14:51:00.001+08:00

I had to blog about this because i simply cannot think of a place where i can write this down and will definately refer to after the A levels.

Authors:
Arundhati Roy,
Kiran Desai,
Anita Desai,
Manju Kapur,
Jodi Picoult
Andrew Morton - Diana: Her True Story
Louisa M Alcott - Series after Little Woman

Plays by Tennesse Williams(original name Thomas Lanier Williams)

I shall keep updating this post till after the A levels after which i will need to sort out my previous planner which was never used except to write the titles of books that i have read and want to read again. It also included movies that i want to watch and movies that i have watched and want to watch again. If i still remember correctly, it also includes the names of the series that i want to watch.

I think i should just add those names here should i discover that i had done otherwise.

Series and Mini Series:
The Brady Bunch,
Bewitched,
The Nanny,
Judging Amy,
Family Law,
Sue Thomas F. B Eye,
King Henry the Eigth(roman letters)
Cleopatra( The old series)

Oh and i have to make a list of all the Hallmark Movies that i have watched and want to watch.

Also a List of Movies:
Marie Antoinette (both 1938 and 2006)
Little Woman

Songs that i have to look for:
Usha Uthup's Kohin Yahaan from the movie Disco Dancer.

Natacha Atlas's album: Something Dangerous and other world musicians

Highlife Music - genre from Ghana and recent album: The Guitar and the Gun

Also a album: Garota Moderna jointly produced by Italian DJ/producer Nicola Conte and Brazilian singer Rosalia de Souza

Well this sure does seem like a whole lot of things that i have pending. This will be 2nd on my list next year with the 1st: cleaning and scrubbing out my room and rearranging everything, i seriously have to get my room in a much more arranged manner than it is right now. I know its clean and neat and meticulous and all right now but i just want to be the fussy person that i am, i will still rearrange my room.

Its Autumnal Equinox today!

2006-09-23T14:51:00.000+08:00

For all who have some knowledge about geography and/or astrology would know that an Equinox-Autumnal Equinox occurs every year either on the 22nd or 23rd of September. This means that the globe will receive an equal number of hours of darkness and the sunlight. The Autumnal equinox also means that the Souther hemisphere now gets the honour to tip towards the sun which causes countries like Australia and New Zealand and The Southern tip of Chile to experience a change in Seasons from Winter to Spring. This is also why those Down wonder dream of a white christmas while those in countries of the Northern Hemisphere: Scendinavian, EU, The U.S and Canada have a white christmas. The Aussies and the Kiwis celebrate Christmas with Barbeques on the Beach while the Canadians and the Europeans enjoy Christmas with their Turkey and around the fire places or their heated homes.

Summer Solstice(21st June) is enjoyed in the Northern most countries: Finland, Swedan and Norway where they experience 24 hours of day light, while those Down Under freeze. Winter Solstice(21st Dec) means that that Antartica enjoys 24 hours of daylight while the Arctic up there freezes.

It would be amazing to experience 24 hours of sunlight. I experienced close to 15 hours of sunlight in New Zealand, but 24 hours would just be different. Also i would be one very tired person. Also, i would end up looking like some gigantic penguin thanks to all the layers of coats etc that i will be wearing. The sunlight will not prevent me from turning blue.

I am too much of a Spring and Summer person to enjoy the winter. Winter in India is too much for me at times although i do adjust eventually. Thats why i enjoy the Sun, the Light and the Heat so much although its too overbearing at times. Well, there is nothing i can do about the seasons except for moving to an area that experiences 4 different and distinct seasons. That would be fun, i guess.

Bindi Sue's tribute is beautiful

2006-09-21T23:22:00.000+08:00

I am a person who doesn't admire others easily. It takes quiet a bit of time and convincing for others to be admired by me. Its not because i feel that i am superior or anything of the sort. I have always believed that for me to admire someone means that i am willing to learn from them and follow what they have done.

I did not join the hordes of people around the world making tribute to Steve Irwin in the days that followed his death because i was not sure about what i really wanted to say about this man that i have admired.

Yes, i have a conservationist streak in me along with the streaks for Human rights: more specifically in relation to women and children.

I have never been able to witness anything in torture before. This may partially explain why i am a vegetarian right now. Also, i have always found it ridiculous from young to take more from others if i do not return it. This applies to inanimate things and nature as well.

While i am not a enthusiast like Steve about critters and the amphibian family, his enthusiam and love for the animals have rubbed of me such that now i am actually beginning to believe that those animals may actually be more afraid of me than i am of them.

I realised all of this when i heard Bindi Sue's little speech to her father. While it was moving and simply beautiful despite it being short and completely free of any flowery language, the truth in it really left me in lurch because i had momentarily forgotten what i was working so hard for.

I have never felt any satisfaction if i do not put in any hard work or can't help others. That is why i admire Oprah Winfrey and Steve Irwin. Yes, they may have received large amounts of money and still do, but they receive it because people have faith in the work that they are doing for the good of the entire soceity. They receive these insanely large contracts because their past record gives evidence to the work they are capable of doing. And more cheques will be sent because despite the fame and fortune, these people do not show any lax attitude towards their work.

There are going to be critics for everyone and everything. To please everyone would be equivalant to being an omnipotent force. These people do enjoy their days off and their other little fancies not because they want to show off but rather because they are human after all.

Also, what makes me really admire these people is the fact that they are willing to let the world see them as they are. They are humans after all and have they drawbacks as well. But what really sets them apart is the fact that they do accept their drawbacks and are not ashamed of them.

I can't seem to upload the wallpaper designed by Animal planet. I first saw it in the Newspapers taking up an entire page. The simplicity of it really does reflect much more then what is portrayed in that wallpaper.

I have already felt the loss of a great man in today's world because he was a mate to all, both the humans and the animals. So here's to you Steve, I do hope to be able to do something that would be a fraction of what you have done. Cheers, mate.

1 hurdle down

2006-09-21T21:50:00.000+08:00

I was disapppointed that i did not feel ecstatic at 11.01 am today. The end of the Prelims joy was just that of feel that sun beat down on the numb skin of mine from the freezing hall after 3 hours. Also, the joy that i felt was not due to the fact that the A levels are over but rather the reassurance that my allergy was not as bad as i thought it would be after the sneezing spree i had this morning after my shower.

After all the prelims were just a hurdle that we (especially me, after those dismal grades i got for the Mid-year) had to pass before we could make it too the end. I quote Vanessa who says it is simply a "temporary respite" right now before we head into the month of November.

Actually for all of this week i am looking forward to 11.01 am on the 23rd of Nov more than i looked forward to 11.01 am today.

I simply do not want to comment about how the exam papers were and how i fared because i choose not to remember. The only thing i feel is that i really really do hope that i can achieve decent grades for all my subjects, this is a huge fervent hope that i am harbouring right now. Well - who would be insane enough not hope for the same thing as well. (If there is someone who has wished contrary before, please do not take offense.)

All i want is a refreshing sleep for tonight and a relexing day tomorrow. Also, i do not want the rest of my life to rush past me like how this week did. I quote Wan Wen this time round as she prefers her life to be one that " struts in style". That is a really amazing way to put it. But i really think it does not apply to my life considering how i rarely ever strut, i take huge strides especially when i am alone. I really do want to stop and appreciate whats around me and internalise it so that i can have these memories with me forever.

Familial Ties - their importance

2006-09-15T21:19:00.000+08:00

Watching Smallville just now just made me realise how weak the familial ties at home are.

I have no idea what all of us are doing puttig on this act. It has come to such a point that everyone is so distant that this living seems like a really bad joke that is not funny to those in the situation at all. Its a joke to those who have great familial ties in their family and even though they do not say it out loud, their trust and faith in each other will never let them apart.

I have no idea what my parents are living for these days. It seems that my mum is just living to see me achieve good A level grades, get a great career etc and not end up with a husband that she got. As for my dad, i really have no idea. What is it tht he really wants? I have asked so many times but he never gives a answer and rebutts with what is it that i want.

There have been countless times that when i am studying, those horrid scenes just pop into my head and make me feel down before i rationalise with myself. There is simply no use on dwelling on the past, all i can do is to accept what has happened as i can't change anything that has happened and move on with the future and what it has in store for me.

Despite all my rationalisation, i just can't control all the questions that just pop up and all the replaying of those scenes in my head when minutes seemed like hours and how every simgle second outside the house for me was held precious as it prevented me from giving up and doing the wrong things.

Well, i must continue without a doubt. Today was a complete waste in the sense that i didnt get no econs done or anything academice done.

Bust as long as i stand my ground, i should be able to face all those storms that are heading my way be it convectional or monsoonal or just plain freaks of nature.

One more day to Prelims!

2006-09-11T12:10:00.000+08:00

Gosh, i feel like slapping myself silly. I just have no idea how my face is going to look when i look at my Econs paper tomorrow. I hope they are understandable.

I was searching about Johnny Depp just now. Please do not ask why. I think the books and the notes are just getting to me although its not like i have studied so well that i know every single word inside-out.

While i know i cannot afford to get the same grades i got for the Mid years, I wonder if my meagre amount og infomation will be able to get the grades that i sorely need.

Ugh....i need a break but i know i can't afford one. I really need a huge wake up call n i hope its not prelim grades.

Why Friendship is one mind in two bodies.

2006-09-05T14:28:00.001+08:00

I had recieved an email from a reader and it sure did catch my attention with the following view: "I initially thought you had it the wrong way round i.e. shouldn't it be two bodies of one mind because that gives you two minds rather than one shared between two bodies - but now I'm not sure." So it does seem like it ended up confusing him. Well i did reply and i had to share my reasoning to see if anyone agreed with my perspective of looking at it.

Here's my reply below:
I have always been open to discussion being a debator. While your view can be possible, i feel that one mind in two bodies makes sense as well.

Take the example of two best friends, like my best friend and me. We have known each other for 12 years now since 1st grade. We have now come to a stage where we know about each other such that our similarities,experiences and thoughts are shared by the two of us. So do you see the picture of having one mind (represented by the similarities, experiences and thoughts that we share) between two bodies?

Although our personalities are just as fun-loving and care free, we can be just as different as well. At times our interests differ as well, such that i have been told by a couple of friends that if we had only met recently, i would not have reached a close friendship that we have right now.

Also it just does not apply to my best friend. It also applies to all my other friends as well. I have friends that have different tastes in music, books, fashion and food but that does not mean that we do not share same views on matter, feel the same way during certain situations.

I think it could be due to me being a literature student that has trained me such to look beyond that which is presented at face value. That is why i do not take 'mind' in that phrase to be literal but see it in the perspective of thoughts, feelings and perspectives.

If I were to take it the way you think it should be as "two bodies of one mind because that gives you two minds rather than one shared between two bodies ", i would just make myself seem like someone with split personality. While a person can have two contrasting views that makes him sit on the fence for a certain issue, it does not exactly translate into having two different minds as the person does not always sit on the fence for all issues. Going back to what i said earlier about having the same views shared by two people shows consistency in both whereas there is inconsistency that exists between the two minds.

Also, if two minds were to come together due to the similiraties, they would ultimately fuse as one:not seen in a scientific or medical perspective.

Thus, at the end of this, i still feel that Friendship is one mind in two bodies indeed.

You could be right in bringing out the differences between the two individuals in concern, however, me being who i am i prefer to look for similarities rather than differences. Which brings me to assert that if this way of viewing things/people is adopted by the world, the conflicts that grab the world's attention could be solved.

This can be true for conflicts that are due to religion. From what i do know about the origins of three major religions in the world: Islam, Christianity and Judaism, they stem from the old testament and do have similarities that are valid and are found in the Koran, Bible and The Torah.

With National Geographic's ongoing Genographic Project, it has been proven that humanbeings do seem to originate from a single lineage rather than different beginnings with no connections at all.

So i guess you can see that i am a person that would rather see a glass as half full rather than half empty.

Although it may seem that i may have strayed of from what was the main point of discussion, I do hope that it does have some sort of linkage for you.

Do ponder on this as well which is just as interesting as the phrase that caught your attention: Some people play games with their mind but sometimes the mind plays games on the person itself.

What do you think about it.

I had this quote in one of my earlier entries when i first started my blog.

Hope it doesn't boggle your mind up too much. I also hope that your discovery of my blog was pleasant. I do thank you for interesting way of looking at how the phrase could be as i had never considered it before.

AnneJ
---------------------------------------------------------

Once i clicked on the SEND button, i just wondered if it was too much rubbish and if it really made any sense.

Does it make sense to the rest of you?

Preserved Cherries on Cake...Ugh!

2006-09-05T14:28:00.000+08:00

I have a thing against those fake pink cherries on cakes that taste like some horrible cough syrup (could have been some other syrup) when i was young. These cherries are a huge insult to real, sweet, red cherried that are nice and juicy unlike those bitter-sweet (its a sick kind of bitter sweet that would insult the bitter sweet taste of Dark Chocolates), preserved cherries. They just gross me out. I think its because i do not like most fruit-flavoured stuff that claims to taste just like the original fruit. I beg to differ, actually i do more then beg, I simply DO NOT AGREE!!!

I am not mad. I am just disgusted at those that came up with the idea of perverting the flavours of fruits to such a low degree.

I just got reminded of those cough-syrup tasting cherries while i was having a slice of my Black Forest Cake(its eggless) that i have at home and saw a huge pink imprint of where the cherries used to be.

The minute i opened the cake box, i got a piece of newspaper and started plucking those wanna-be cherries and dumped them into the scrap newspaper, crushed the newspaper up, squeezed it and twisted it to see if any juices would come out and threw it into the bin. No juices came out which proves my point about how disgustingly fake those cherries were. No juice, so what kind of cherries are they.

Why are these cherries in a disgusting shade of pink such that the girls that adore pink(the colour, not the singer) would be mortified by that shade. Why turn sweet, juicy cherries into bitter-gourd tasting juiceless cherries? Why? Can someone please tell me? Also, is there a group that aims to eradicate such cherries that i can join and go march with my comrades to pass a law that bans these disgusting tasting cherries. Or can there be an option of having chocolate dipped Strawberries(real, red, juicy ones) instead of these cherry wanna-be? (imagining myself in a march for banning these fake cherries is really weird. What would the chant be? We want justice- no more fake cherries. We want justice for our real Cherries!.....haha that is just too hilarious and unbelievable)

Oh well, till then i shall keep plucking off these things of every Black Forest Cake i eat. Maybe next time i should order instead of my dad when it is me who is eating the cake afterall. I think the chef would be happy to recieve my order or a Black Forest cake with no cherries so he does not have to punish himself by making sure that his hand doesnt shake as he gently places the cherries in the right place so that he doesn't mess up the look of the cake.

Incidently, this happens to be my 100th post. So i did fulfil my aim of achieving a 100 posts before my blogs 1st birthday.Yippie for me and my blog.

So please pardon me while i finish my slice and scrape every inch of my dish clean.

Messages from Dr S and Mr Low

2006-08-31T16:06:00.000+08:00

I was asked my Dr S and Mr Low to thank the entire class for the gift boxes they got. Please help me pass the message to those that do not have blogs. Ms K didn't reply and i haven't msged her to ask her.

Below is Dr S's message that i got last night:
Please tell your class i said a big Thank You for the gifts especially for the Cards! They brought tears to my eyes! I shall sleep with the mutilated kitty tonight!

Followed by Mr Low's messged at i got this morning at 6.56 am (seems like he is an early riser):
Hi Aneesha, do thank your class for the many wonderful., wonderful thoughts tucked away in that bright green box! I truly appreciate that. :)

Sorry for the extremely late posting.

Such a nice productive day it was

2006-08-28T23:27:00.000+08:00

As much as the title makes me sound like one happy factory worker, I am actually a classic Singaporean Student that is being unnerved by the upcoming Prelims and subsequent A levels.

Despite today being the 1st official day of the study break, I felt great entering school at 10.30pm today without any fear of offering an explanation to get a late form. I couldn’t help but laugh secretly in my brain at the J1s for their day filled with lessons.

The consultation proved well, the lecture was productive followed by the enthusiastic discussion spearheaded by Vanessa that did result in some ambiguous decision being made.

In all, I feel happy which explains my silly, happy grin I had plastered on my face in the canteen today while waiting for Geog Lecture to begin.

A random addition that is unrelated to the main reason for blogging right now:
The airport is a fascinating place that provides loads of opportunities to catch glimpses of eye-candies. I specify that it is plural and not singular. The pilots, the soldiers, the locals, the tourists to Singapore and those that are waiting for a transfer flight are a great source of eye-candy. Also, the ride back home was great.

This allows me to take a great sigh and be a contented woman for the night.

P.S: Is it me or do I sound absolutely uncanny? I feel I sound a bit like Vanessa and Wan Wen in this post. Also the last line is really corny-as if I have never had contented nights before. Oh and please do not read too much into that last line. Ha ha.

Nitey Nite then

The Summer Dresses designer- Marc Jacobs

2006-08-26T17:29:00.000+08:00

I am completely in love with Marc Jacobs designs especially his dresses.

Not only are they easy to wear, they can be modified as per the whims and fancies of the person who wears it. The material he uses most of the time is Chiffon and Silk(its a different form that is cooling). It just so happens that these two materials are my absolute favourite along with cotton being the third.

Also his signature patent and rubber sandals are a great comfort. They are compatable with heals that allows the ladies to walk around for hours without their heels aching and still look amazing. (sorry, i find it quite a hassle to upload pictures, so do Google or go to Oprah's website to have a look at his collections.)

His formal dresses are simply breathtaking. He has a unique style that makes the clothes suit those that wear them rather than the cutomers suiting the clothes.

Being a person who believes in making clothes suit the person rather than the inverse, Marc Jacobs is definately on my list for places to get clothes from once i start earning and receiving my own paycheck.

Besides dresses, he designs for Men, designs accesories, handbags as well as other things that i can't recall.

Just can't wait to go shopping there, in the near future - i hope.

Counting my blessings? Perhaps

2006-08-24T19:55:00.000+08:00

I have never asked my parents for a reason when they visit their friends or distant relatives in the hospital. It is because they know it is very hard for me to get over the experience of seeing someone in such a vulnerable situation. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and not know how to react.

This is exactly what happened to me today. The convulsing and the sound is still ringing in my head and the image is still vivid. Just like how i could not face my maternal grandfather 4 months after his operation and despite the fact that he looked much better than his internal and external hemorrages that he had sufffered, i was too stunned to be able to help or even have a reaction.

What i remember after the incident was me telling Wan Wen that its amazing how someone can be so tough yet so vulnerable. I was also quite numb to what was going on but i could not help rolling my eyes after every single shot that the photographer took of Evie, Tricia, Lisa, Wan Wen and me. All i could think of was how i am putting on fake smiles while others were standing around or being of somehelp. Also, the geog tutorial that followed had a silence that unnerved me and Mr Chen as well. It wasn't a silence that was eerie, rather it was a silence that was fit after the 'commotion' and something that i didn't want to end.

The sms did calm my nerves although i can't help having that image come to my mind when i am not doing any work. It is not like i do know him well or i emphatise with him, it is just my nerves that respond to such situations. I think it is a horrid thing to say that i am sad or symphatise him because i know that i do not feel that. I just do not know what to feel for him or for others or for myself.

This is the reason why i refused to continue with Science especially Biology after sec 4. I just cannot look at something/someone in the same light after whatever happens.

I know that as much as i try to place this incident at the end of my brain, it will always remind me of its presence. I feel that all i can do is to keep in mind that i may have to face situations where i may not have the help of anyone. I will have to slowly but surely make myself harder to such incidents. Whether i succeed or not, i do not know as only time can tell me that.

I will be fine without a doubt, i am not depressed. I am just troubled. I am thankful for life and its fruits both the rotten ones and the juicy ones. I have never counted my blessings before although i am thankful for them. I have learnt alot from what life and God have put forward infront of me and will continue without a doubt.

Why all the differences?

2006-08-22T19:55:00.000+08:00

Today's Gothic lecture was interesting and very informative. The questions that i am left with is what is the point of contention between the Jews, Muslims and the Christians? Are they so different that armed conflicts result so easily? With thousands being killed, even more being homeless and the rest left at a disadvantage and scorn from others not involved. There is so many simlarities between the three religions so why pick a fight over the minute details? It is not like they have different routes, they all come from the same source.

I have always been interested in the world religions and all the minor ones as well. This is because i feel that somewhere at the crux of all these religions, there is some similarity that can resolve all the religious conflicts in the world. It is because of this interest, I plan to read up about all the religions thoroughly after my A levels.

I am just interested in knowing about all religions. Please do not think that i am siding any religion except for that i practice and also even then, i am open to discussion.

Differences were also higlighted by my dear hilarious class when we had to make the video for our CT. It was crappy to such a point that it was hilarious to act it out. I hope we can get it from the council, it would be cool to have it as a reminder of how crazy the class can get and that includes me.

All i can wish for is that the video doesn't turn out horrible and embaress the class or Mrs Logan - although i doubt it would. I have faith in our creativity, our tweety bird steps and the Egyptian walk like that Dari and I did for fun.

Bored and Restless

2006-08-20T16:30:00.000+08:00

This weekend has been bad, i can't focus. I feel like doing something but do not feel like actually doing something like studying. The pressure is mounting but i am closing one eye to it now. I can't stand myself right now.

Well i am glad that there is only one more week of school. I think its the school that is making me restless. At least when Study Break starts i will be able to work on my own time schedule-not written out. It would be great to blade in the hot afternoon, without sun block and come back all the more dark, followed by a great cool shower, study for a bit more, have dinner and then work on something random before snoozing off. Gosh, the ironic thing is that i will not be following this every single day as my head creates a new timetable for every single day, working around planned events.

I feel guilty for not having done any productive studying this weekend. Gosh i just can't wait for school to end. I am absolutely sure that its the school that is taking a toll on me and making me go all the more bonkers than usual.

I think a cold shower is in place for right now - to cool down the energy i have in me. Ugh, the heat.

A poem by Guri Mehta

2006-08-14T20:46:00.000+08:00

I found this poem on Guri Mehta's blog. I enjoy reading her blog as its inspiring because it makes me appreciate the little things in life and take into consideration things other than what is on the face value. Her blog address is http://www.gurimehta.blogspot.com/. Below is the poem that she had put up.

Is it true
when you’re blue,
and you yelp
for help,
it is you
you are calling, who
can help.

Only you,
And no one new
knows the valleys
and the vistas
of your heart, like
the night
knows the sun
is right --
around the corner.

Have patience
my friend,
For there is a light
Deep within your night
That knows exactly,
how to chase
away the darkness.

Morning dew will wash
away the melancholy
that
has entered your spirit
as a visitor,
and settled in
as the smug master.

I have mentioned in one of my earlier posts that i do not like poems much. Its true, i do not like the poems that we get for Paper 8. I like poems that are simple. Actually i like things to be simple. However, in real life there is only so much that we can do to keep things simple, especially relationships. Maybe they are meant to be complicated or they become complicateddue to our efforts to simplify them. I have absolutely no idea as to which one holds truth. Do you?

Hated something and Then it grew on you later...

2006-08-12T17:46:00.001+08:00

Have you ever hated something( i specify something and not someone ) and then it grew in you to such an extent that now when its all worn out, you cannot convince yourself to throw it away? I have that feeling right now. Its a t-shirt of mine, its plain blue- a unique shade of blue that i have never found a match for today, with a tight orange v-neck and a few tinges of orange in on the short sleeves with a small purple rose at the bottom-front and a larger version at the back that is encircled in orange with a french phrase above it. I wore it to school twice during orientation last year and remember asking Fuad to translate but he wasn't sure. I couldn't stand this t-shirt of mine about 3 years back - mostly due to its baggy-ness, its weird colour combination of blue, orange and purple and the difficulty to match it with a bottom. Back then i wanted my tops and bottoms to match (not same colour but in my own sense of matching- do not ask how i can't even remember it now) but now it just matters that i have matching earrings, rings that i can mix n match with my clothes.

Now that I can fit into it much better, i am beginning to appreciate it. I love my loose clothes as much as my others so its size isn't a matter. Its just its light faded look that makes me value it more. It isn't worn out yet and i still consider it on the same level as my bright orange Olive Oyl t-shirt. Actually its kind of hard to describe how i grew to like it so much.

Oh well, i think i need to get a hobby besides simply blogging and reading blogs. This Study break wasn't spent as well as i wanted it to be. Its ok, i just need my drive to get studying again. But i shall not procrastinate under any circumstances.

'Nite all.

I've never been to me by Charlene

2006-08-12T17:46:00.000+08:00

Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do
But, I wish someone had talked to meLike I wanna talk to you.....

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away
'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived million lies....

Oh, I've been to Niece and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me

[spoken]
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love......

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free
Hey lady......
I've been to paradise, (I've been to paradise)
But I've never been to me

----------------------------------------------
I heard this song ages ago on Class 95 FM and didn't get the title down. I think its a really beautiful and peaceful song with lyrics that ring true to the heart. Actually this song was meant to be sung from a male perspective but a singer wasn't available then. Below is the male version.
----------------------------------------------

Hey mister, hey mister
I just want a dime
'Cause I need a cup of coffee and a moment of your time
I can tell your raising hell the way I used to do
But I wish someone woulda' talked to me
Like I wanna talk to you

I've been to Georgia and California Anywhere I could run
I stole a woman in Tennessee and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces
Because I had to be freeI've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Thanks mister, thanks mister
But please don't walk away
'Cause I have this need to tell you
Why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part of an old mans heart
On the day before he dies

I've been to China & Asia Minor
On any ship that would sail
I made some noise with some good old boys
We wrecked a southern jail

I've seen the best men crawl and some teardrops fall
There ain't nothing I ain't seen
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

I've even been to marriage
Where children cry for someone they couldn't find
Never knowing that I was searching
For things I left behind

I thought my heart could wait
but I learned too late
Only love can make people free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

------------------------------------------------
This song was recorded in 1976 and that explains the the lyrics. This song is being played on my list repeatedly. Its not like that i can relate to it but i feel that it is so true that i think it can change the woment think. I actually feel that the Female version has more of an impact on ladies from any era than the male version (no personal bias). Although i could be wrong and if the male version is re-recorded today it may prove to be a hit. It would be amazing to have Faith Hill and Tim McGraw sing a duet with both the lyrics mashed together.

A poem left on my tagboard

2006-08-10T10:30:00.000+08:00

Best Friends.
An unspoken love -
Stronger than romance
Lasting forever
Developed silently
Devoted and well-kept
(With) A soft smile on a bad mood

A short and simple poem that left me feeling much better along with a message: heys sis...dats really sho shweet of u to mention bout me !!! gal dere's always ups n downs in life but nvr gif up hope. make da best out of da worst situations k u r strong i noe it.

Afterall, Heena is my best friend and knows me inside-out without a doubt. Hey that rhymes. Thanks dear Sis, for making my day as i saw this in the morning. Thanks for everything again. Will definitely have this poem in my heart forever and will be the bond that keeps us going for years to come.

It hurts, Love really hurts

2006-08-09T09:49:00.000+08:00

Why does the one person( that is related by blood-relation) that cares genuinly about me stay so far away that it hurts to make him waste money to talk to me. He is my grand-uncle and is 58 yet he can still understand what i am going through and constantly gives me the strength to carry on with what i want to pursue. Unlike others, he makes me put my priorities first before his or his own niece's(my mother). The fact that he cares so much makes me have my faith going in human kind.

It really hurts to learn that the person you care for doesn't care much for you but him/herself. I am have been permenantly wounded, maybe time might not even be able to remove these scars left inside me. Maybe i may forgive them in the future. I think i have already forgiven them partially.

I am not asking for money or materialistic things, all i am asking for is peace in the house. All i need to know is that there is someone that cares and loves me enough that will not let me go no matter what. I do have that one person, my best friend:Heena however i need a familial tie to keep me going on for the next three months. Maybe person will realise , or may have already realised that if i am willing to give up all my dreams for their happiness, they cannot simply be too selfish and make me take such a step.

It was over the last 2 days that i learnt what the phrase: Love hurts, really means. As much as i know about the wonderful feeling of being loved and loving someone else, i had never experienced this till yesterday. Its a learning point no doubt. I am only thankful that i am sensible enough not to be in a relationship right now.

I doubt i will be shedding tears like i did during the econs lecture yesterday. I think i can control my emotions much better than that.

I have no other way to go but forward from here on. As much as the past is filled with countless incidents that can hinder me if i choose, i have to move forward.

Human life isn't cheap and neither is it for simply wasting away. This has been a huge wake-up call for me. Life is tough, there is no doubt about it. It has always been tough, so i shall continue being the tough that gets going as the phrase goes: When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

My apologies to Mr Horn (no idea bout the spelling) about what i said when i got off the bus yesterday with the rest of my class as 1) i wasn't in the best of moods, if u did read the above u would understand and 2) i had no inclination that it was you and i always can't stand outsiders butting in as well. I am really sorry and i hope my apology is accepted.

To Evie, thanks grl for those few words yesterday. You can understand what i am going through coz you are going through the same thing as well. I just want to tell you that under such cases we are just going to have to depend on ourselves and no one else. Thanks for all the pictures yesterday, the fun and the laughter.

To my dearest sis Heena, thanks for the chat yesterday. It was such a relief to talk to you yesterday. Thank you for everything. Just wanted to wish you all the best for your upcoming tests. Grl, go and ace them all and remember our dream. We shall have it come true and live as we wish then. Take care and love ya loads. We shall meet up during Diwali if we can't meet up earlier.

With that i shall leave this post here and start anew again.

Crazy, Crazy Me

2006-08-01T21:38:00.000+08:00

I just went berzerk today after lunch. I did crazy and silly things. Not right after lunch, i need my lunch to be digested first. (OK, i am still feeling rather crappy, so bear with my antics if you are preparing to continue reading the post.)

It was right before the double Literature lecture, when our class was leaving the library. I saw Wan Wen's pencil box and decided to hide it but considering i couldn't hide it, i placed it in the top shelf of that "bag-place" and moved it even higher because Wan Wen said that she could reach it. Although i returned it to her soon after (5 seconds hadn't even passed), my guilt conscious just made me feel horrible. Thats why i am going to be apologising once again: I am sorry Wan Wen, i am really, really sorry.

After the double lit lecture with the last one making me almost drift off, i went crazy again. I did a silly jig-like move to Evie's and Marlina's rendition of the Ninja Turtles' theme song. It was 'performed' right before Mr Chris Chen and he got a shock and commented throughout the entire lesson later. Actually i wante to know what the theme song was like so that i could continue teasing Justin about is Caribee-branded backpack that makes it look like he has a Ninja Turtle shell.

Mr Chen's lesson was cool as usual with him plotting a curve to prove Dr. S's theory about every novel that can plotted as a curve. His graph was drawn with the y-axis as violence and the x-axis as sex and drew three curves, under which you slot in a book. Gosh, that lesson was fun, in addition to my 'smoking' skills to bluff my way through an answer with some knowledge which turned out to be right. It was a fluke, so do not try to emulate that during an exam.

P.E was the last session of netball that we will be playing for this year. It was funny and loads of fun.

I am just smiling from the day went today especially with my mum's random comment on me being a good girl when i was young. Do not try to analyse this post, its filled with random stuff and will in turn fill your brain with random stuff. Also, do not try to organise my random stuff, just go have a nice good night's sleep.

Sleep tight ya'll.

A Day

2006-07-28T17:02:00.000+08:00

I just feel like putting down a few random things that happened today into part of my memory box.

After playing touch rugby for P.E, the girls and i were on our way up the ramp from the canteen to the atrium. While on our way up, all of us were looking at the dark rolling clouds when Marlina spotted a portion of a rainbow at the spot where the clouds were converging to cover it up. While that spot was being covered up, another spot was slowly opening up that reveleved another portion of the rainbow. The rainbow was awesome, it takes a while to release that its a rainbow as it isn't very distinct. While Wan Wen and i tried to capture the image on our handphones and realised that a powerful camera would be needed, i felt for a moment that everything was slowing down and the appreciation of nature made me realise that there is much more to this world besides the academics.

The 2nd incident was Radiah's questions to help me feel inspired although i was feeling pretty much inspired and was in a happy mood. There were a couple more questions about a $10 note but i can't seem to remember them right now. What i remembered was the question on what do you get if you cut an apple into half. I answered illogically: pulp, seeds and the skin. She replied a Star from the arrangement of the seeds and this is something that we have inside everyone of us, it is just a matter of how you view yourself and the rest.

Sin Yi's comments on her blog regarding my warm greetings whenever i meet her led me to tag on her blog. I wrote: If i aint going to be happy and make others happy, who is going to make me happy when others are sadand depressed. I feel it makes sense especially with the way time seems to fly in school except when its towards the end of the day when there is P.E.

I am not sure about what i feel right now, althought i am not confused. It is just a feeling of plainess and nothing more. No excessive emotions with no extremes.

I learnt a certain something about a certain someone and i am not going to bring it up to the person as that has never risen as a topic before and i will not bring up this topic unless the certain someone brings it up willingly. Also please do not ask me who this someone is.

A great movie that left me traumatised and enlightened at the same time was If these walls could speak staring Demi Moore, Sissy Speck and Cher. It is about how 3 different women in three different time periods: 1950s, 1970s and 1990s deal with the issue with unplanned pregnancy, the kind of advice and support they receive from their close friends and their eventual decision which is either to carry on with the pregnancy or to undergo abortion. It is a great femenist movie that i would show my children but more than that it is a movie that would shake anyone, who think abortion is a easy option, out of their senses. While i am not anti- abortion, i am also not dead fast against abortion as there are cases when it is the only option available for the mother-to-be. Do watch it if you can get your hands on the Dvd.

Also, I am sorry to say Ms K, I do not find Shakespeare's plays filled with rich and beautiful poetry. I can tell verse from prose no doubt, however i do not find it poetic. I am open to critics who feel otherwise. Maybe my view, could be prejudiced. I do not like poetry very much although it is easy to interpret at times. I am willing to change my view the day i find my favourite poet/poem whichever comes first.

Well, i shall just leave this post here and say Tata to all, since i have nothing more to say. Thank you to all my classmates for making it easy to go through the entire day without having to skip or take the Green form.

Tata

To my Debate juniors

2006-07-25T18:59:00.000+08:00

I just want to tell my juniors aka the MJC Debate Team 06 that i am not pissed with you guys. I just couldn't see you all fall apart like that. Also, every single one of you have the potential to make it far. Do not let anything come between you guys.

To Yih Ching, Rani and Nicholas, i hope my session with you guys helped. Thanks for the tag Nicholas, but i really hope that your prep tomorrow goes well and so does the match against HCI. Like Deborah said, they are beatable, so give your best shots.

Keep me updated on the news. Have a good prep session tomorrow, take care of each other, be a team and show the HCI-ians who you guys really are. Most important: Have Fun and Take away a learning point no matter what the outcome is.

I am optimistic. Do your best and remember your seniors' motto: Debating brings out the bitch in you.

Practise, Peseverance and Prayer

2006-07-19T18:49:00.000+08:00

I am going to do exactly what my grades are right now: DOO. I am not going to be giving up and lying in the wallows. I am going to push myself and achieve my aims. Nothing is going to stop me now. The situation at home, whatever it may be is not going to hinder me. I will do what i want.

The results of the entire cohort except for those that have studied hard and well are dismall. I just want to tell all students who will be sitting for the A levels at the end of this year that these are not our A level grades and if we work hard enough, we will achieve whatever goals we have set out for ourselves.

This week has given me a feeling of moving on with a huge surge. I have no idea why, but its good. This is exactly what i am going to do. I shall not allow myself to be held back by anything.

I will push my limits till i can, after which i will let myself be. While i will hit my books with force, i will also keep in mind others who are in the "race" together.

No matter what I am going to peservere and prove myself capable of doing Law. Just like how i plowed through thousands of blogskins to find this blogskin that fits my idea of a blogskin that i would like, I will plow through the notes and all else and achieve those grades that I want to get.

I am not being over-confident but I am just keeping myself on the toes to prepare for whatever comes my way.

Practise, Persevearance and Prayer is the Way!

Incidents and Accidents

2006-07-15T19:10:00.000+08:00

I know that i will have this day imprinted in my memory forever. The MJC Debates Team 06 won both preliminary rounds and received Best Speakers in both rounds as well. I couldn't be any happier. To Yih Ching, Sharmilla, Rani and Jazmine you Girls were good, you have a long way to go and you can always improve. Nicholas, Dude you were awesome. Your speeches were great. You deserved Best Speaker in both rounds, hands down. Gosh, seeing you cry after debating with Cjc made it really hard for me to keep my composure. Yih Ching, everyday you will learn something and i am really sure you must have taken a learning point away from today. Rani, your composure is amazing, a bit more practice and brushing up will bring you up to a higher level for sure. Sharmilla, a bit more structure and stylistic speeches will bring you up to a notch higher for sure. Jazmine, you need to know which style suits you best, i personally feel a mix of aggression and composure will deliver results. Nicholas, just keep going the way you are. You are the anchor of the team, just be cool and yourself and you will never go wrong. Also you know that I will be there so if you are unsure about a point, look to your audience for reassurance and you will get it.

I am so happy that i can't help but let the tears flow now. I think its due to the songs that i am listening to: If we hold on together by Diana Ross, That's what friends are for by Stevie Wonder, Dionne Warwick and other artists, Hero by Mariah Carey and All for love by Sting, Rod Stewart and Brain Adams. You guys were amazing and can do more than just making TJ and CJ bite the dust, make another one do the same for the other competitions.

To Bernadatte from CJ, you are an amazing speaker and with a good team, your potential will shine for sure. To Rishik and Nigel, your performence left me speechless, i seriously didn't expect that. I think it could be due to my impression of you guys. But Aisha was great, her layout etc was flawless.

I am going to be getting my dear Juniors chocolates for their amazing performance. I just want to let you guys know that your Boss is always going to be there for you guys. If anything, I am here. You are cool bunch, I am really glad to have you as my juniors.

Besides today, this week has been eventful. On Tuesday, i was a tennis ball magnet or Darianne and Justin had a conspiracy against me. That P.E lesson was hilarious, Besides serving and a few volleys, the numerous number of balls across the net to the other end of the court and everyone hitting balls not from their partners, left our class screaming and shouting, picking up our stray shots and just having a jolly good time. On Wednesday, a cockroach decided to attend Mrs Chua's Physical Geog lecture and freaked the girls of my class(it includes me) out by scuttling around Vanessa's legs. I went to look for the Operations Manager: Mr Teng but he was out for lunch. The School needs to be funigated soon, This is the 3rd time, we have encountered a cockroach in the Lt, the 1st time was a Geog lecture as well but Mr Chen squashed it to stop the screaming of the all the girls in the Lt and 2nd time was during Lit lecture when someone out of their boredom noticed a huge cockroach snoozing on the walls.

This week has been filled with loads of Incidents and Accidents and usually a mixture of both. I just remembered the session i had with the Debators on Friday with the Motion: This house would distribute condoms to JC Students. Trust Nicholas to come up with it and me saying yes to it as we couldn't figure out Debbie's: This house would subsidise Viagra for the poor.

So for those of you who think debates is always about really boring topics, well i am sure you think other wise now. Oh, I lust remembered the motion that i thought of during the Debate against that was formulated like the one that we were debating: This house believes that patriotism has no Future. I came up with: This house believes that Debating has not future.

Imagine debating over this motion. I think it would be hilarious and absolutely crappy, maybe we should during the gathering that Ms K wants to have.

Who remembers Rustu of Turkey?

2006-07-10T20:38:00.000+08:00

The World cup is finally over. Italy won, Yippie for them. Poor Zidene got provoked by an Italian and decided to become a Bull and head butt that player, aint it a sad way to retire or remembered, but in my eyes he is a Great Player. I was so happy for Oliver Kahn when he toke on his position of the Goalie and helped his team to be 3rd in place. Besides Kahn, my other favourite Goalies include David Seamen and David James of Endland and Rustu of Turkey(P.s he is a Taurus as well, wohoo!!). Who can remember him? Not only was he an amazing Goalie but i loved his 2 black streaks below his eyes like a hockey player, to reflect the light off so that he can keep track of the Ball and thats what he did!!

I am feeling the heat of the A's. I hope i can stick to my plan and achieve my goals. I am just going to take a day at a time. My short-term goals are absolutely critical for me to get my long -term goals to be true.

The upcoming JCDC's has got me all fire-ry about debates again. I can feel that my juniors are much better then what we were. Infact, some of them are even better then me. So the 15th is a day off from studying. However, at the end of the day, i just want them to learn and have fun.

For some weird reason, i feel contented for the day. I have not accomplished a single thing in academic sense and it already 8.44 pm right now. I really need to get something done, if not i really deserve a slap.

Cramps oh Cramps

2006-07-07T21:59:00.000+08:00

First it was the Dust allergy, then the Cold and now the cramps. While i feel assured that nothing is wrong with the continous ongoings of the biological cycle, the cramps are something that really makes everything seem miserable. Its due to the stress of the mid-years, the one week delay and all the pressure right now that the cramps seem horrible when they are already unbearable. Seriously, i do not need no preparation for Child birth right now. Maybe its just the stress and whats meant to happen that is happening.

Just because of this, I won't be going down for the debates friendly with SAJC tomorrow. Just want to tell the team: Don't give up, Debating is a sport, take everything that comes your way in your stride and never think you are horrible at debates. You guys have a great coach from the very beginning of your JC debates, so you can improve and will. You guys know that i will be there for the JCDCs, with all the practice sessions and all - i noe that you guys are absolutely prepared to face TJ and CJ in the preliminary rounds.

For some reason, i have been feeling rather resigned these days. I just do not like the state that i am in. I think the best is to turn in early tonight. I just want to watch the stars tonight before i sleep.

G'nite to all

Learn to Serve

2006-07-05T11:23:00.000+08:00

This is what my main aim in life has always been: To learn to serve. Whats the use of being talented in your field or having the knowledge about something but never share it with others? I have never found pleasure in knowing something and not sharing it with others especially if it would be beneficial. Gossiping is something that i am not talking about here. I am also not writing this down here to make others follow my aim or something, i have just written it down to remind me of my aim.

I think this is exactly what is going to be keeping me sane throughout anything(i hope). I agree i have never been much of a study group person but that is my studying style. However that does not mean that i will never help if i am asked. If i can't help, i will tell you that i can't and refer you to someone who would know or help you find out that stuff. (Note: If you are planning of just making me do stuff for you, tough luck, i aint that gullible.)

I have no idea why i wanted to write this down. I think it is something that i feel, know about more and practice it more often in my life than anyththing else. Also, this part of me is something that i find it very hard to translate into words. Maybe, this could also be the reason why i am intersted in Civil and Family Law.

I feel that if you are genuinely interested in something, money will follow automatically. But if you are going to be a money-driven person, for sure you may achieve that status etc but satisfaction in life is something that you will be sorely missing.

I think i am just in a daze with my dust allergy irritating me. Got this table cleaned up, showed my maid the difference between her cleaning and mine. This is why i never allow my maid to clean my room except for the mopping part, i am just so particular that i will go mad is there is any dust or if anything is out of place, i prefer to do things myself and be a happy person than getting mad at others. Yes, i am a organised person but not a perfectionist. My table is always a mess during exam periods and i love the mess then but once that time is gone, i get caught up in a tidying frenzy which make my nose go into a frenzy. Darn me.

I just remebered my belting of "Tis the Season to be jolly" right outside the class that Chris Chen was invigilating for Human Geog before the exam unknowingly and his outburst that no one caught. Poor guy, it definitely wasn't a jolly season for him considering he has to mark our scripts, esp my script after that. I also recalled seeing Ms Lai looking happy as she left the LT yesterday and i remarked to Justin, Marlz and Evie that she could be on anti-depressents due to our mid year results.Yuvan's recitation of the economic advantages of hosting the world cup, prevented me from calming down before the Paper 8 exam yesterday as i was wondering what was he talking about. I remembered writing Ha Ha Ha right next to the Silas Marner context during the Paper 1 exam, i can't remember why.

The World cup is a shocker. I expected England to leave because they were just concentrating too much on Owen, Rooney and Beckham when they have players like Walcott, Lennon, Joe Cole, Gerrad to deliver the results had Sven been concentrating on them and not mourning the loss of his "Holy Trinity".

Brazil this year wasn't as good, it was the media and attention hype on them having won 2 previous world cups that covered up the loopholes in their playing. Ronaldinho wasn't performing along with his older "brother" Ronaldo. Kaka has the ability for sure but he was caught in between the unperforming duo. Soccer being a team sport requires everyone on the field to pitch in and deliver. There is definitely someone who will be the driving force but if the rest of the parts are not oiled, How in the enitre world do you expect that team to get anywhere. I hope this teaches the Brazilians not to be too lax and depend on previous victories to boost them up.

Its sad to see these two teams to leave as there are players in there who have put in all their heart and soul but cannot achieve their dreams this year.

I have been supporting Germany till date right from the beginning. Their loss is heartbreaking no doubt but the Italians deserve a chance at the finals. I have been reading up on the constant concentration and hardwork of these Italians to reach their aim. They have never exposed themselves to the Media too much unless absolute neccessary and have maintained their composure. I really admire their determination as a team. Despite the slight disagreements, which is found in every team, they have stayed together as one. They deserve the cup should they win France this Sunday, July 9th. I have no idea about France's capabilities except for Theirry Henry. I just do not want the Finals to end with a Penalty shoot out.

Oh well, my nose is feeling better now, i shall go and read my books now...toodles to all!

The Winer of The Dance

2006-07-01T13:28:00.001+08:00

This is a really interesting short film that i really liked. Go to this Keri Smith's blog to find out more about this video. Her blog is a very interesting read but you need the time for it. Here's the add: http://www.kerismith.com/blog/

http://www.current.tv/studio/vm2/vm2.swf?type=vcc&id=7090419" quality="high" flashvars="videoType=vcc&videoID=7090419" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" height="360" width="335">

What i really liked about this video is the dancing(it is freestyle and based on the perceptions of the individuals as there is no hard and fast rule that was set up by them to dance in a certain style) and the little snippets of commentary by the dancers themselves. Gosh, this is possible on in Canada and anywhere else then Singapore, try to imagine doing this in the Hot, Sweltering Sun and the Sudden onslaught of the Rain....haha

(Upadate: I am sorry, i have no idea why the video won't show, any ideas anyone? Anyway do go to Keri Smith's blog http://www.kerismith.com/blog/ to view the video. Sorry for the Prob)

"Trifles" by Susan Glaspell

2006-07-01T13:28:00.000+08:00

I was so intrigued by this play last year when Dr S took an excerpt from it for our Paper 8 lesson that i went to hunt for it. I forgot the website and managed to hunt it down again. REad the Play and enjoy, its amazing how men can be so ignorant of the little things that women can pick up on.

Trifles by Susan Glaspell:
Scene: The kitchen in the now abandoned farmhouse of John Wright, a gloomy kitchen, and left without having been put in order--unwashed pans under the sink, a loaf of bread outside the breadbox, a dish towel on the table--other signs of incompleted work. At the rear the outer door opens,and the Sheriff comes in, followed by the county Attorney and Hale. The Sheriff and Hale are men in middle life, the county Attorney is a young man; all are much bundled up and go at once to the stove. They are followed by the two women--the Sheriff's Wife first; she is a slight wiry woman, a thin nervous face. Mrs. Hale is larger and would ordinarily be called more comfortable looking, but she is disturbed now and looks fearfully about as she enters. The women have come in slowly and stand close together near the door.
COUNTY ATTORNEY (rubbing his hands). This feels good. Come up to the fire, ladies.
MRS. PETERS (after taking a step forward). I'm not--cold.
SHERIFF (unbuttoning his overcoat and stepping away from the stove as if to the beginning of official business). Now, Mr. Hale, before we move things about, you explain to Mr. Henderson just what you saw when you came here yesterday morning.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. By the way, has anything been moved? Are things just as you left them yesterday?
SHERIFF (looking about). It's just the same. When it dropped below zer0 last night, I thought I'd better send Frank out this morning to make a fire for us--no use getting pneumonia with a big case on; but I told him not to touch anything except the stove--and you know Frank.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. Somebody should have been left here yesterday.
SHERIFF. Oh--yesterday. When I had to send Frank to Morris Center for that man who went crazy--I want you to know I had my hands full yesterday. I knew you could get back from Omaha by today, and as long as I went over everything here myself-
COUNTY ATTORNEY. Well, Mr. Hale, tell just what happened when you came here yesterday morning.
HALE. Harry and I had started to town with a load of potatoes. We came along the road from my place; and as I got here, I said, "I'm going to see if I can't get John Wright to go in with me on a party telephone." I spoke to Wright about it once before, and he put me off, saying folks talked too much anyway, and all he asked was peace and quiet--I guess you know about how much he talked himself; but I thought maybe if I went to the house and talked about it before his wife, though I said to Harry that I didn't know as what his wife wanted made much difference to John--
COUNTY ATTORNEY. Let's talk about that later, Mr. Hale. I do want to talk about that, but tell now just what happened when you got to the house.
HALE. I didn't hear or see anything; I knocked at the door, and still it was all quiet inside. I knew they must be up, it was past eight o'clock. so I knocked again, and I thought I heard somebody say, "Come in." I wasn't sure, I'm not sure yet, but I opened the door--this door (indicating the door by which the two women are still standing), and there in that rocker-- (pointing to it) sat Mrs. Wright. (They all look at the rocker.)
COUNTY ATTORNEY. What--was she doing?
HALE. She was rockin' back and forth. She had her apron in her hand and was kind of--pleating it.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. And how did she--look?
HALE. Well, she looked queer.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. How do you mean--queer?
HALE. Well, as if she didn't know what she was going to do next. And kind of done up.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. How did she seem to feel about your coming?
HALE. Why, I don't think she minded--one way or other. She didn't pay much attention. I said, "How do, Mrs. Wright, it's cold, ain't it?" And she said, "Is it?"--and went on kind of pleating at her apron. Well, I was surprised; she didn't ask me to come up to the stove, or to set down, but just sat there, not even looking at me, so I said, "I want to see John." And then she--laughed. I guess you would call it a laugh. I thought of Harry and the team outside, so I said a little sharp:"Can't I see John?" "No," she says, kind o' dull like. "Ain't he home?" says I. "Yes," says she, "he's home." "Then why can't I see him?" I asked her, out of patience. "'Cause he's dead," says she. "Dead?" says I. She just nodded her head, not getting a bit excited, but rockin' back and forth. "Why--where is he?" says I, not knowing what to say. She just pointed upstairs--like that (himself pointing to the room above). I got up, with the idea of going up there. I talked from there to here--then I says, "Why, what did he die of?" "He died of a rope around his neck," says she, and just went on pleatin' at her apron. Well, I went out and called Harry. I thought I might--need help. We went upstairs, and there he was lying'--
COUNTY ATTORNEY. I think I'd rather have you go into that upstairs, where you can point in all out. Just go on now with the rest of the story.
HALE. Well, my first thought was to get that rope off. I looked...(Stops, his face twitches.)...but Harry, he went up to him, and he said, "No, he's dead all right, and we'd better not touch anything." So we went back downstairs. She was still sitting that same way. "Has anybody been notified?" I asked." "No," says she, unconcerned. "Who did this, Mrs. Wright?" said Harry. He said it business-like--and she stopped pleatin' of her apron. "I don't know," she says. "You don't know?" says Harry. "No," says she, "Weren't you sleepin' in the bed with him?" says Harry. "Yes," says she, "but I was on the inside." "Somebody slipped a rope round his neck and strangled him, and you didn't wake up?" says Harry. "I didn't wake up," she said after him. We must 'a looked as if we didn't see how that could be, for after a minute she said, "I sleep sound." Harry was going to ask her more questions, but I said maybe we ought to let her tell her story first to the coroner, or the sheriff, so Harry went fast as he could to Rivers' place, where there's a telephone.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. And what did Mrs. Wright do when she knew that you had gone for the coroner.
HALE. she moved from that chair to this over here... (Pointing to a small chair in the corner)...and just sat there with her hand held together and looking down. I got a feeling that I ought to make some conversation, so I said I had come in to see if John wanted to put in a telephone, and at that she started to laugh, and then she stopped and looked at me--scared.
(The County Attorney, who has had his notebook out, makes a note.) I dunno, maybe it wasn't scared. I wouldn't like to say it was. Soon Harry got back, and then Dr. Lloyd came, and you, Mr. Peters, and so I guess that's all I know that you don't.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. (looking around). I guess we'll go upstairs first--and then out to the barn and around there. (To the Sheriff). You're convinced that there was nothing important here--nothing that would point to any motive?
SHERIFF. Nothing here but kitchen things.
(The County Attorney, after again looking around the kitchen, opens the door of a cupboard closet. He gets up on a chair and looks on a shelf. Pulls his hand away, sticky.)
COUNTY ATTORNEY. Here's a nice mess. (The women draw nearer.)
MRS. PETERS (to the other woman). Oh, her fruit; it did freeze. (To the Lawyer). She worried about that when it turned so cold. She said the fire'd go out and her jars would break.
SHERIFF. Well, can you beat the women! Held for murder and worryin' about her preserves.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. I guess before we're through she may have something more serious than preserves to worry about.
HALE. Well, women are used to worrying over trifles. (The two women move a little closer together.)
COUNTY ATTORNEY (with the gallantry of a young politician). And yet, for all their worries, what would we do without the ladies? (The women do not unbend. He goes to the sink, takes dipperful of water form the pail and, pouring it into a basin, washes his hands. Starts to wipe them on the roller towel, turns it for a cleaner place.) Dirty towels! (Kicks his foot against the pans under the sink.) Not much of a housekeeper, would you say, ladies?
MRS. HALE (stiffly). There's a great deal of work to be done on a farm.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. To be sure. And yet... (With a little bow to her.) ...I know there are some Dickson county farmhouses which do not have such roller towels. (He gives it a pull to expose its full length again.)
MRS. HALE. Those towels get dirty awful quick. Men's hands aren't always as clean as they might be.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. Ah, loyal to your sex, I see. But you and Mrs. Wright were neighbors. I suppose you were friends, too.
MRS. HALE (shaking her head.) I've not seen much of her of late years. I've not been in this house--it's more than a year.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. And why was that? You didn't like her?
MRS. HALE. I liked her all well enough. Farmers' wives have their hands full, Mr. Henderson. And then--
COUNTY ATTORNEY. Yes--?
MRS. HALE (looking about.) It never seemed a very cheerful place.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. No--it's not cheerful. I shouldn't say she had the homemaking instinct.
MRS. HALE. Well, I don't know as Wright had, either.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. You mean that they didn't get on very well?
MRS. HALE. No, I don't mean anything. But I don't think a place'd be any cheerfuller for John Wright's being in it.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. I'd like to talk more of that a little later. I want to get the lay of things upstairs now. (He goes to the left, where three steps lead to a stair door.)
SHERIFF. I suppose anything Mrs. Peters does'll be all right. She was to take in some clothes for her, you know, and a few little things. We left in such a hurry yesterday.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. Yes, but I would like to see what you take, Mrs. Peters, and keep an eye out for anything that might be of use to us.
MRS. PETERS. Yes, Mr. Henderson. (The women listen to the men's steps on the stairs, then look about the kitchen.)
MRS. HALE. I'd hate to have men coming into my kitchen, snooping around and criticizing. (She arranges the pans under sink which the Lawyer had shoved out of place.)
MRS. PETERS. Of course it's no more than their duty.
MRS. HALE. Duty's all right, but I guess that deputy sheriff that came out to make the fire might have got a little of this on. (Gives the roller towel a pull.) Wish I'd thought of that sooner. Seems mean to talk about her for not having things slicked up when she had to come away in such a hurry.
MRS. PETERS. (who has gone to a small table in the left rear corner of the room, and lifted on end of a towel that covers a pan). She had bread set. (Stands still.)
MRS. HALE (eyes fixed on a loaf of bread beside the breadbox, which is on a low shelf at the other side of the room. Moves slowly toward it.)she was going to put this in there. (Picks up loaf, then abruptly drops it. In a manner of returning to familiar things.) It's a shame about her fruit. I wonder if it's all gone. (Gets up on the chair and looks.) I think there's some here that's all right, Mrs. Peters. Yes--here; (Holding it toward the window.) This is cherries, too. (Looking again.) I declare I believe that's the only one. (Gets down, bottle in her hand. Goes to the sink and wipes it off on the outside.) She'll feel awful bad after all her hard work in the hot weather. I remember the afternoon I put up my cherries last summer. (She puts the bottle on the big kitchen table, center of the room, front table. With a sigh, is about to sit down in the rocking chair. Before she is seated realizes what chair it is; with a slow look at it, steps back. The chair, which she has touched, rocks back and forth.)
MRS. PETERS. Well, I must get those things from the front room closet. [She goes to the door at the right, but after looking into the other room, steps back.] You coming with me, Mrs. Hale? You could help me carry them. (They go into the other room; reappear, Mrs. Peters carrying a dress and skirt, Mrs. Hale following with a pair of shoes.)
MRS. PETERS. My, it's cold in there. (She puts the cloth on the big table, and hurries to the stove.)
MRS HALE (examining the skirt). Wright was close. I think maybe that's why she kept so much to herself. She didn't even belong to the Ladies' Aid. I suppose she felt she couldn't do her part, and then you don't enjoy things when you feel shabby. She used to wear pretty clothes and be lively, when she was MInnie Foster, one of the town girls singing in the choir. But that--oh, that was thirty years ago. This all you was to take?
MRS. PETERS. She said she wanted an apron. Funny thing to want, for there isn't much to get you dirty in jail, goodness knows. But I suppose just to make her feel more natural. She said they was in the top drawer in this cupboard. Yes, here. And then her little shawl that always hung behind the door. (Opens stair door and looks.) Yes, here it is. (Quickly shuts door leading upstairs..)
MRS. HALE (abruptly moving toward her.) Mrs. Peters?
MRS. PETERS. Do you think she did it?
MRS. PETERS (in a frightened voice.) Oh, I don't know.
MRS. HALE. Well, I don't think she did. Asking for an apron and her little shawl. Worrying about her fruit.
MRS. PETERS (starts to speak, glances up, where footsteps are heard in the room above. In a low voice.) Mrs. Peters says it looks bad for her. Mr. Henderson is awful sarcastic in speech, and he'll make fun of her sayin' she didn't wake up.
MRS. HALE. Well, I guess John Wright didn't wake when they was slipping that rope under his neck.
MRS. PETERS. No, it's strange. It must have been done awful crafty and still. They say it was such a --funny way to kill a man, rigging it all up like that.
MRS. HALE. That's just what Mr. Hale said. There was a gun in the house. He says that's what he can't understand.
MRS. PETERS. Mr. Henderson said coming out that what was needed for the case was a motive; something to show anger or--sudden feeling.
MRS. HALE (who is standing by the table). Well, I don't see any signs of anger around here. (she puts her hand on the dish towel which lies on the table, stands looking down at the table, one half of which is clean, the other half messy.) It's wiped here. (Makes a move as if to finish work, then turns and looks at loaf of bread outside the breadbox. Drops towel. In that voice of coming back to familiar things. ) Wonder how they are finding things upstairs? I hope she had it a little more there. You know, it seems kind of sneaking. Locking her up in town and then coming out here and trying to get her own house to turn against her!
MRS. PETERS. But, Mrs. Hale, the law is the law.
MRS. HALE. I s'pose 'tis. (Unbuttoning her coat.) Better loosen up your things, Mrs. Peters. You won't feel them when you go out. (Mrs. Peters takes off her fur tippet, goes to hang it on hook at the back of room, stands looking at the under part of the small corner table.)
MRS. PETERS. She was piecing a quilt. (She brings the large sewing basket, and they look at the bright pieces.)
MRS. HALE. It's log cabin pattern. Pretty, isn't it? I wonder if she was goin' to quilt or just knot it? (Footsteps have been heard coming down the stairs. The Sheriff enters, followed by Hale and the County Attorney.)
SHERIFF. They wonder if she was going to quilt it or just knot it. (The men laugh, the women look abashed.)
COUNTY ATTORNEY (rubbing his hands over the stove). Frank's fire didn't do much up there, did it? Well, let's go out to the barn and get that cleared up. (The men go outside.)
MRS. HALE (resentfully). I don't know as there's anything so strange, our takin' up our time with little things while we're waiting for them to get the evidence. (She sits down at the big table, smoothing out a block with decision.) I don't see as it's anything to laugh about.
MRS. PETERS. (apologetically). Of course they've got awful important things on their minds. (Pulls up a chair and joins Mrs. Hale at the table.)
MRS. HALE (examining another block.) Mrs. Peters, look at this one. Here, this is the one she was working on, and look at the sewing! All the rest of it has been so nice and even. And look at this! It's all over the place! Why, it looks as if she didn't know what she was about! (After she has said this, they look at each other, then start to glance back at the door. After an instant Mrs. Hale has pulled at a knot and ripped the sewing.)
MRS. PETERS. Oh, what are you doing, Mrs. Hale?
MRS. HALE (mildly). Just pulling out a stitch or two that's not sewed very good. (Threading a needle). Bad sewing always made me fidgety.
MRS. PETERS. (nervously). I don't think we ought to touch things.
MRS. HALE. I'll just finish up this end. (Suddenly stopping and leaning forward.) Mrs. Peters?
MRS. PETERS. Yes, Mrs. Hale?
MRS. HALE. What do you suppose she was so nervous about?
MRS. PETERS. Oh--I don't know. I don't know as she was nervous. I sometimes sew awful queer when I'm just tired. (Mrs. Hale starts to say something looks at Mrs. Peters, then goes on sewing.) Well, I must get these things wrapped up. They may be through sooner than we think. (Putting apron and other things together.) I wonder where I can find a piece of paper, and string.
MRS. HALE. In that cupboard, maybe.
MRS. PETER. (looking in cupboard). Why, here's a birdcage. (Holds it up.) Did she have a bird, Mrs. Hale?
MRS. HALE. Why, I don't know whether she did or not--I've not been here for so long. There was a man around last year selling canaries cheap, but I don't know as she took one; maybe she did. She used to sing real pretty herself.
MRS. PETERS. (glancing around). Seems funny to think of a bird here. But she must have had one, or why should she have a cage? I wonder what happened to it?
MRS. HALE. I s'pose maybe the cat got it.
MRS. PETERS. No, she didn't have a cat. She's got that feeling some people have about cats--being afraid of them. My cat got in her room, and she was real upset and asked me to take it out.
MRS. HALE. My sister Bessie was like that. Queer, ain't it?
MRS. PETERS. (examining the cage). Why, look at this door. It's broke. One hinge is pulled apart.
MRS. HALE. (looking, too.) Looks as if someone must have been rough with it.
MRS. PETERS. Why, yes. (she brings the cage forward and puts it on the table.)
MRS. HALE. I wish if they're going to find any evidence they'd be about it. I don't like this place.
MRS. PETERS. But I'm awful glad you came with me, Mrs. Hale. It would be lonesome of me sitting here alone.
MRS. HALE. It would, wouldn't it? (Dropping her sewing). But I tell you what I do wish, Mrs. Peters. I wish I had come over sometimes she was here. I-- (Looking around the room.)--wish I had.
MRS. PETERS. But of course you were awful busy, Mrs. Hale---your house and your children.
MRS. HALE. I could've come. I stayed away because it weren't cheerful--and that's why I ought to have come. I--I've never liked this place. Maybe because it's down in a hollow, and you don't see the road. I dunno what it is, but it's a lonesome place and always was. I wish I had come over to see Minnie Foster sometimes. I can see now--(Shakes her head.)
MRS. PETERS. Well, you mustn't reproach yourself, Mrs. Hale. Somehow we just don't see how it is with other folks until--something comes up.
MRS. HALE. Not having children makes less work--but it makes a quiet house, and Wright out to work all day, and no company when he did come in. Did you know John Wright, Mrs. Peters?
MRS. PETERS. Not to know him; I've seen him in town. They say he was a good man.
MRS. HALE. Yes--good; he didn't drink, and kept his word as well as most, I guess, and paid his debts. But he was a hard man, Mrs. Peters. Just to pass the time of day with him. (Shivers.) Like a raw wind that gets to the bone. (Pauses, her eye falling on the cage.) I should think she would 'a wanted a bird. But what do you suppose went with it?
MRS. PETERS. I don't know, unless it got sick and died. (She reaches over and swings the broken door, swings it again; both women watch it.)
MRS.> HALE. She--come to think of it, she was kind of like a bird herself--real sweet and pretty, but kind of timid and--fluttery. How--she--did--change. (Silence; then as if struck by a happy thought and relieved to get back to everyday things.) Tell you what, Mrs. Peters, why don't you take the quilt in with you? It might take up her mind.
MRS. PETERS. Why, I think that's a real nice idea, Mrs. Hale. There couldn't possible be any objection to it, could there? Now, just what would I take? I wonder if her patches are in here--and her things. (They look in the sewing basket.)
MRS. HALE. Here's some red. I expect this has got sewing things in it (Brings out a fancy box.) What a pretty box. Looks like something somebody would give you. Maybe her scissors are in here. (Opens box. Suddenly puts her hand to her nose.) Why-- (Mrs. Peters bend nearer, then turns her face away.) There's something wrapped up in this piece of silk.
MRS. PETERS. Why, this isn't her scissors.
MRS. HALE (lifting the silk.) Oh, Mrs. Peters--it's-- (Mrs. Peters bend closer.)
MRS. PETERS. It's the bird.
MRS. HALE (jumping up.) But, Mrs. Peters--look at it. Its neck! Look at its neck! It's all--other side to.
MRS. PETERS. Somebody--wrung--its neck. (Their eyes meet. A look of growing comprehension of horror. Steps are heard outside. Mrs. Hale slips box under quilt pieces, and sinks into her chair. Enter Sheriff and County Attorney. Mrs. Peters rises.)
COUNTY ATTORNEY (as one turning from serious thing to little pleasantries). Well, ladies, have you decided whether she was going to quilt it or knot it?
MRS. PETERS. We think she was going to--knot it.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. Well, that's interesting, I'm sure. (Seeing the birdcage.) Has the bird flown?
MRS. HALE (putting more quilt pieces over the box.) We think the--cat got it.
COUNTY ATTORNEY (preoccupied). Is there a cat? (Mrs. Hale glances in a quick covert way at Mrs. Peters.
) MRS. PETERS. Well, not now. They're superstitious, you know. They leave.
COUNTY ATTORNEY (to Sheriff Peters, continuing an interrupted conversation.) No sign at all of anyone having come from the outside. Their own rope. Now let's go up again and go over it piece by piece. (They start upstairs.) It would have to have been someone who knew just the-- (Mrs. Peters sits down. The two women sit there not looking at one another, but as if peering into something and at the same time holding back. When they talk now, it is the manner of feeling their way over strange ground, as if afraid of what they are saying, but as if they cannot help saying it.) MRS. HALE. She liked the bird. She was going to bury it in that pretty box.
MRS. PETERS. (in a whisper). When I was a girl--my kitten--there was a boy took a hatchet, and before my eyes--and before I could get there--(Covers her face an instant.) If they hadn't held me back, I would have-- (Catches herself, looks upstairs, where steps are heard, falters weakly.)--hurt him.
MRS. HALE (with a slow look around her.) I wonder how it would seem never to have had any children around. (Pause.) No, Wright wouldn't like the bird--a thing that sang. She used to sing. He killed that, too.
MRS. PETERS (moving uneasily). We don't know who killed the bird.
MRS. HALE. I knew John Wright.
MRS. PETERS. It was an awful thing was done in this house that night, Mrs. Hale. Killing a man while he slept, slipping a rope around his neck that choked the life out of him.
MRS. HALE. His neck, Choked the life out of him. (Her hand goes out and rests on the birdcage.) MRS. PETERS (with a rising voice). We don't know who killed him. We don't know.
MRS. HALE (her own feeling not interrupted.) If there'd been years and years of nothing, then a bird to sing to you, it would be awful--still, after the bird was still.
MRS. PETERS (something within her speaking). I know what stillness is. When we homesteaded in Dakota, and my first baby died--after he was two years old, and me with no other then--
MRS. HALE (moving). How soon do you suppose they'll be through, looking for evidence?
MRS. PETERS. I know what stillness is. (Pulling herself back). The law has got to punish crime, Mrs. Hale. MRS. HALE (not as if answering that). I wish you'd seen MInnie Foster when she wore a white dress with blue ribbons and stood up there in the choir and sang. (A look around the room). Oh, I wish I'd come over here once in a while! That was a crime! That was a crime! Who's going to punish that?
MRS. Peters (looking upstairs). We mustn't--take on.
MRS. HALE. I might have known she needed help! I know how things can be--for women. I tell you, it's queer, Mrs. Peters. We live close together and we live far apart. We all go through the same things--it's all just a different kind of the same thing. (Brushes her eyes, noticing the bottle of fruit, reaches out for it.) If I was you, I wouldn't tell her her fruit was gone. Tell her it ain't. Tell her it's all right. Take this in to prove it to her. She--she may never know whether it was broke or not.
MRS. PETERS (takes the bottle, looks about for something to wrap it in; takes petticoat from the clothes brought from the other room, very nervously begins winding this around the bottle. In a false voice). My, it's a good thing the men couldn't hear us. Wouldn't they just laugh! Getting all stirred up over a little thing like a--dead canary. As if that could have anything to do with--with--wouldn't they laugh! (The men are heard coming downstairs.) MRS. HALE (under her breath). Maybe they would--maybe they wouldn't.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. No, Peters, it's all perfectly clear except a reason for doing it. But you know juries when it comes to women. If there was some definite thing. Something to show--something to make a story about--a thing that would connect up with this strange way of doing it. (The women's eyes meet for an instant. Enter Hale from outer door.)
HALE. Well, I've got the team around. Pretty cold out there.
COUNTY ATTORNEY. I'm going to stay here awhile by myself (To the Sheriff). You can send Frank out for me, can't you? I want to go over everything. I'm not satisfied that we can't do better.
SHERIFF. Do you want to see what Mrs. Peters is going to take in? (The Lawyer goes to the table, picks up the apron, laughs.) COUNTY ATTORNEY. Oh I guess they're not very dangerous things the ladies have picked up. (Moves a few things about, disturbing the quilt pieces which cover the box. Steps back.) No, Mrs. Peters doesn't need supervising. For that matter, a sheriff's wife is married to the law. Ever think of it that way, Mrs. Peters?
MRS. PETERS. Not--just that way.
SHERIFF (chuckling). Married to the law. (Moves toward the other room.) I just want you to come in here a minute, George. We ought to take a look at these windows.
COUNTY ATTORNEY (scoffingly). Oh, windows!
SHERIFF. We'll be right out, Mr. Hale. (Hale goes outside. The Sheriff follows the County Attorney into the other room. Then Mrs. Hale rises, hands tight together, looking intensely at Mrs. Peters, whose eyes take a slow turn, finally meeting Mrs. Hale's. A moment Mrs. Hale holds her, then her own eyes point the way to where the box is concealed. Suddenly Mrs. Peters throws back quilt pieces and tries to put the box in the bag she is wearing. It is too big. She opens box, starts to take the bird out, cannot touch it, goes to pieces, stands there helpless. Sound of a knob turning in the other room. Mrs. Hale snatches the box and puts it in the pocket of her big coat. Enter County Attorney and Sheriff.)
COUNTY ATTORNEY (facetiously). Well, Henry, at least we found out that she was not going to quilt it. She was going to--what is it you call it, ladies!
MRS. HALE (her hand against her pocket). We call it--knot it, Mr. Henderson.

Hope it made you see the world in a different light now. Cheers

Fate, Destiny and Choices

2006-06-30T18:54:00.000+08:00

These last couple of days has left me in a daze, due to both the mid years and whatever is going on in my life. I do believe in Fate and Destiny but i also believe that the choices we make will still lead us to the path that we are fated/destined to but the path can be varied due to the choices that we make.

Edmond in King Lear can easily just brush off his father's belief in astronomy by calling the "excellent foppery of the world" because he was an independent man that wanted to change destiny in his own hands by usurping his father's and brother's property. His plans and his opportunistic nature definetely gave him the status that he wanted but it was not for long. He was defeated by his brother and died a fatal death. His choice to become the Duke of Gloucestar was fulfilled but he died at the hands of his brother. His destiny was fixed: being killed not with the status of a Duke but a Bastard(illegitimate child, its in the dictionary).

Fate and Destiny,I believe work hand in hand, maybe it is I who cannot differentiate the two from each other. Life has been planned out for us and yes, we do not know what is in store tommorow or the very next moment. If you were meant to achieve something or lose something, it will happen. Here i do not mean incidents of losing the house keys or your handphone(s). What i refer to is the building or breaking of relationships. While a young couple may gain a new life in the form of a little baby, they may loose their parents. There are lots of such analogies. Besides the loosing and gaining may be metaphprical, like the severing of relationships between individuals or vice versa. These incidents may not be occuring in a consequtive manner but the fact that they do occur is the point that i am trying to make here.

Our choice to do something or another is a major part of our life. Choices are made by everyone-be it consciously or unconsciously, they are made- right from the day we are born till the day we pass on.

Fate , Destiny and Choices come together to bring us to where we are today. Life is full of surprises-haven't we all heard this phrase so many times that its meaning is lost at times. The surprises may not always be joyous, they may not be shocking and they may not exactly be of a sudden nature, but they are surprising.

One major component of any life is Love. Steph's blog has not only enlightened me but has made me ask a lot of questions regarding this issue.

As quoted from her blog: "As the quote goes "How much you can forgive is how much you love". I think this is very true just take parents and children for example no matter what wrong the child has commited, sins, crimes, addiction to drugs. The parents still love their child just as much. No matter how bad a child is the parents still lvoe and weep for them.

Now, this brings me to my next point will there be a point where love turns to hate? I think that it is possible, sometimes we love a person so much and we end up hating them becuase they might not love us as much as we love them, they do not know our existence, they do things that hurt us because they know we love them and hence take us for granted take chances in doing certain things that we do not like...........

We love because deep down inside we hope to be love but not everyone is as fortunate. Let me use chemistry to explain, love can form stong intramolecular hydrogen bonds that is bonds between atoms they are strong like those love in a family unit. However love cannot for intermolecular hydrogen bonds that is bonds between molecules which means to say love cannot form between people who don't know each other, people of different races, people from different countires in general strangers don't have love. Thus war happens there are different distribution of wealth, some starved to death some stuffed with food. If love is really in air then perhaps the world will be more beautiful, people will be more happy and take joy in the many little little things. We look at people in Vietnam, they are smiple, they are not rich BUT THEY ARE HAPPY and they care for each other. I doubt that lvoe will ever be in the air of the world at least not this century hopefully genes will undergo mutation and secrete proteins that code for Love!"

Her poetic way of portraying her feelings really did touch a nerve in me as I can really put myself in the situation. The first question that came up when i was reading her post was if the possibility that parents will always love their children lasts forever? Does the child's love for them remain for all their life? I find myself disagreeing due to the situation that i am in right now. I think my inability to forgive my father does reflect my lack of care and concern for him. I have come across numerous cases(real life not the incident from King Lear-which is actually a universal play that anyone and everyone can relate to) where parents have severed ties with their children and have never forgived them. The issue about the Parent's love for the child that makes them take such an incident is Very debatable. My views right now could be emotionally-linked.

Her question on the possibility of love turning to hate is very possible according to me. I completely agree with Steph's stand on that.

Finally her statement of us loving another, for our inherent need to be loved is another one that applies to me personally and many others, I believe.

You may be wondering why i sloted in the topic of Love all of a sudden. It is because Love is what i believe to be made up of the 3: Fate, Destiny and Choices. While Fate and Destiny could have planned out the final stage at which this relationship may reach, choices made by inidividuals is pertinent as the final stage could be reached in a faster or lengthier timespan.

Maybe this post is a little to self-absorbed. I am sorry. If you made it through to this point, I say that you have immense patience. Perhaps I am just emotionally at a lost.

I feel caught up in the tide of Destiny and Fate, I often find myself trying to shut myself from the world but always fail miserably life i always do. I will just carry on and pesevere for the future that has been planned in academic sense and the rest I will just leave it up to God. Maybe this situation is just meant for us(especially me) by God to test our endurance level. I hope I can come out of all this in one piece as I know I cannot expect to be unscathed at the end of it all, as I already am.

I hate Addiction and huge inflated Egos

2006-06-26T18:19:00.000+08:00

I am just so fed up that i could slap my dad till his mouth swells and he can't get a single thing into his mouth let alone swallow it. Thanks to his addiction or should i say his love for alcohol, he is becoming a complete ******(add whatever you want here). I still do not understand how someone can be so darn angry and foster those feelings inside. The anger is not a result of others its a product of his denial to accept reality and face the truth. He finds everything and everyone against him. What makes me even more pissed is the fact that he is giving up everything for this stupid inanimate thing which gets him on a 'high'. His humungous ego gets inflated everytime he drinks and starts to hallucinate about being able to face the world no matter what.

I just do not understand 2 things: Addiction and Ego(especially the male one, no doubt there are some women with huge ego as well). This two things are the root of all problems. Tell me it is money and i will laugh my head off. I know loads of freaking rich people who are absolute humble beings living simplistic lives. They find no need of going after the famous DAS(Drugs, Alcohol and Sex).

If money is the root of all evil why isn't Bill Gates(who is clearly the richest guy in the world) more threatening than all the terrorist networks in the world. If you want to say it is an insignificant minority, go ahead and think whatever you want to, i ain't going to stop you.

If you say money is still the root of all evil, why is alcohol and drug abuse/dependancy higher in Poorer regions/ ELDCs than in EMDCs? Why do patriachal soceities exist in ELDCs and not in EMDCs? Why is prostituition rates and spread of STDs higher in ELDCs than in EMDCs.

If the Rich and Famous are caught red handed in the act of DAS or either one of them, don't you think it will give loads of media companies a huge cash inflow as the world clearly likes Gossip, when they make huge cover stories day after day, following these poor people and all those that knew them, like leeches to a blood clot. I am not saying that I am against the Media or Gossiping as its human nature to want to know about the downfalls of those at the top of the Corporate, Entertainment and all the other industries in the worlds.

The reason why i can't stand Egos are because once you stop nursing them, flattering them and do not deliver what they want, the person with the huge ego will think nothing but about himself and start lamenting about the hurt that he has suffered, yada yada. If you are a person who are fantastic in that field and have been credited for it, some amount of Ego is acceptable because you are good in that area, there is no two ways about that. If you have the talent/flair that others do not have, even with that huge ego/arrogance, people who need your talent/flair/whatever will come and even beg because they clearly need you.

However, if a person is just an average person with nothing special, but with a Humungous ego that needs constant flattery etc , My Question is what is that Ego about? If a person thinks that he deserves his Ego on the account of being one of the Male Sex, i say rubbish. I am not being a femenist here or anything. I just believe that no one should have the right of over powering another just because he has a huge ego or is of the male sex. Maybe I am a bit femenist here.

If these people continue to live on the basis that their ego is continuously inflated by others, I am sorry to inform that the day when they realise that they are not needed or of no importance to others, that will be their worst day. These people will get so depressed that their will to live will be completely demolished.

Ego and Addiction are inanimate things that not only ruin the particular person's lives but also those that love them. The unfortunate thing is that when these people are addicted to something or have a huge ego, these people are blinded by them. These addicts or Egoistic people cannot see others that are being hurt by their doings, all they see is their own selfish interests and "needs".

Today, DAS is becoming more common by the day. It is rampant everywhere. Egoistic people are becoming more egoistic by the day. Once someone is caught in the tangled web of either one of them, there is no turning back unless the will and determination to really change for the better.

I just want to say that teenagers being the easiest to be manipulated due to their multiple insecurities, please beware of addiction. Do not get drawn into these lures. I am sure there are loads who are willing to talk to you and care about you, please turn to them instead of splurging money on your addictions for that momentary high which does not remain untill it kills you. There are loads of way to conquer your anger, get out of your depression and become your normal self again. Nothing is impossible if you have the will and determination to stay away from being addicted.

For those who are in relationships or will be, i just have this to say, Love is blind so please be careful about your future. Sometimes your heart may show you the right way but do take heed of what your conscience has to say, Do not try a relationship to work if it is not working especially due to another who is either unwilling to give up/caught up in their little fantasy world of addiction or ego because they will be married to these inanimate things.

Denise, this is why i always agree with your posts.

If you want to try something, do take a second to consider about the amount of hurt that others who care about your existence will undergo forever. With the help of another, anything is possible. Please do not ruin you life especially if another does not bother about you. Move on and start again if you have to, you never know what is behind the bend on the road unless you take it. Most importantly, take responsibility of your actions and do not live in Self-denial.

Acknowledgement

2006-06-18T15:55:00.000+08:00

I had promised myself that i would stick to going through all the power point presentations only but i just had to loose my mood and feel sad. Gosh, all this is taking a toll on me. I really feel horrible and torn.

My revision is really pathetic, i really do hope that my brain will be able to absorb and understand everything next week, if not i am a goner for mid-years.

I feel horrible for trying to be ignorant of a family member's activites. It really sucks when i can't wish him on a special day that is set aside for all people like him. What makes it worse, is the stuff i recall that makes me dislike him even more. Its amazing how it doesn't hurt anymore, when i think about all that happened, because it seems like i have stopped caring about him. I feel that i should forgive him, but i know i can't. I hate this feeling, i swear. All this is making life miserable for me.

Yea it may seem there are no fights going on, the cold war seems better, but the fact that it is a war shows that there will be dire consequences for both at the end of the day. I think i am just confused. All i want to say here is Happy Fathers' Day to that person even though i didn't say it out loud to him, as his relation to him is still a fact and i still acknowledge that relation.

Please ignore this post if you do not understand what i am talking about.

I think i am going bonkers

2006-06-16T18:10:00.000+08:00

Ok i am mad, no maybe crazy. That i am, no doubt. I think i have just lost it. I have come up with weird songs these days( on milk and franz ferdinand's do u wanna). I think i am just going nuts from the realisation that i have just a week to go before the mid years start.

I am at a really horrible stage. I seriously wonder sometimes why i do what i do, like blogging right now. But then again, it could be that my brain just can't take no more of my notes. I really need a break, a break from studying. I can't wait for after the A's. Actually who can't wait for the A's to be over, to have given your best shot and yippie thats the end. I am really going bonkers.

Now i understand the phrase of running before your mid years and doing the last sprint towards the Prelims and the final dash to the A's. Gosh, i wish for something. I am getting restless again. I am at a lost at times,sometimes i wonder what i am going all this for. I do know that i have a fixed career set in my mind that i really want to accomplish. But the question remains if i will be able to get there and if i can really make a difference like i really want to.

Sometimes these days, i have no idea of what is going on. Sometimes i wonder if this is what education aims to achieve. Will students remember what they learned at this age, considering many do not stick to what they have leant. Will they apply what they have learnt, in the future besides their job, if they do stick to that line of study. Then again, there is nothing else i can do but to go with the flow and achieve what i want to achieve, give my best shot and maintain my sanity at the end of the day. I really do hope at this time next year i will be happy and satisfied and not the reverse. I know i can make this come true but right now i need a break-just for tonight.

I want to watch all of Oprah's movies

2006-06-14T17:11:00.000+08:00

Ok, i shan't repeat my title, but i really want to watch all the movies that she starred in, has produced, i want to get her 20th anniversary dvd collection and gosh do i wish i can get to a status like hers. She is my idol.

Oh and do you know that she is 52 years old, gosh i used to think she was in her 40s. Nevermind about that. Gosh she is such an inspiration for me, ( i do not think i can ever right don't why she is my hero unless i have all the free time to spare right now, "my love is more ponderous than my tongue", so i shall let Cordellia from King Lear to do my job for now.)

Gosh what can i do, except to study.

Weird Craving

2006-06-13T17:32:00.000+08:00

I just got the weirdest craving that got so intense that i had to go make some cereal with sugar. I mean its really weird, i have never liked cereal with sugar, i always scolded my mum for adding suger to her cereal instead of honey, which is my favourite. I mean cravings are usually associated with pregnant women, and there is no way i am pregnant. The thought of it just makes we want to laugh. My mum just brushed me of with this: " it shows that you finally got down to studying". Actually it makes sense, i was doing the Econs Tys which requires calculations. Come to think of it, after all my Math tuitions during sec 4, the tutor was a real math questions driver (which payed off, A2 for both E an A math, yippie). I can still remember clearly that after all my tuitions i would be one hungry person and will upset the whole kitchen if i can't satisfy my hunger and usually hunted for food with sugar.

See this is how Math can make a person go nuts. Thats is the exact reason why i did not choose the option of 4 subjects. Gosh this was freaky. Actually, i did have a measely lunch so the craving could be justified and i haven't had cereal in more than 2 weeks since holidays began as cereal is my morning energy booster. Oh well, i am fine now. It was one freaky thing that can happen, i think my mum needs to stock up during the mid-year examinations on all my usual junk.

Scorpian Prowler

2006-06-12T19:32:00.000+08:00

I haven't worn by blades in more than 6 months but they were as smooth always, even on all those bumby surfaces, they seemed to glide over them. They were a wonderful gift that i had asked for and received from Royal Sporting House where the best roller blades are stored for leisure bladers like me.

I am absolutely exhausted from the non-stop skating. I went to get a new route for myself, but i can't stand those grills over those huge drains on the pavements, i just can't stand the look of them especially those rusty kinds which threaten to fall right down with a little bit of pressure. Especially when skating, i can't stand the irritating bumby ride over them so i have to get my pace right to skip them.

Its amazing how it can also be quite mentally exhaustive. The need to look out for those small stones or twigs that jam your blades and results in a nasty fall, ( i have had 2 nasty falls resulting in horrible knee scabs, i think my knees are the most bruised area since young) and to look far ahead for pedastrians, crazy drivers and the traffic lights.

Whats really sad about skating is the lack of company as i hardly know any who skate, especially those living around me. Most i know, own bikes and do not know how to skate. Even then, many do not like to head out to bike for leisure, its weird i tell you. I have never gone skating at Pasir Ris beach, i think i should ask Marlz during the study break and others from our class for a ride at the beach. Untill now, i have frequented East Coast with my grls, however carrying my skates there and back is quite a hassle.

I guess i will have to postpone all that till after A's now and find try to find another route to that park whose name i can't rember. After the A's at least i will be able to visit that ranch-like thing that has been set up at Pasir Ris and their horses. Maybe i should take a couple more lessons in India this time round on mares - they are tougher to ride coz not only are they much taller than male horses but they are quite temperamental as well. Oh well, lets see how it turns out, its better not to dream too much and be dissapointed.

Do what you want

2006-06-12T12:59:00.000+08:00

Just want to say this. I am not the kind of person to chase after others regarding unimportant stuff. If i have given u loads of missed calls, i think the onus is on you to call me back. If i learn about something and clearly all of you knew it but me, forgive me for my ignorance, forgive me for telling you assuming that you didn't know, forgive me for not asking about things that i do not know. You may seem in you own world, your blog might be dormant and you may not reply to my messages, you may stop chatting with me half way through online,so I let you be because i (forgive me again) assume that you are busy, i do not feel the need to chat with you like my other friends and there is no need for me to see your reply to my byes and most importantly i respect your privacy and away/busy status, however your interaction with others and your tags on others blog seem to prove otherwise, i may be wrong, so clarify if you feel so.

I am fine with whatever you propose, i never kick up a fuss or anything (keep this in mind), so once you have decided how to contact the person concerned and regarding all of the details, do let me know. If you need my contribution, I am only a call away, if i do not pick up my handphone, i am sure you have my house number. I will never deny helping out or anything. I am serious about the alumni. I often do not venture to ask or discuss about the alumni online assuming the following above once again and due to your curt answers. I am not the kind to butt in and keep meddling once my service is not needed. Whether its voluntary or not, I do not care. I am not pissed here or anything, if you would like to insist otherwise go ahead, i shan't stop you. I am just stating why i do not bother. If i am in the wrong, i will accept. I may seem blunt here because i am being blunt. Clearly, i had to write all this down because you obviously do not know me well enough. You do not know that I am a person that gives other space if they seem to hint at the want to stay away etc, I respect your decisions. I hate to see the way this is all going, once a team and now individualistic thanks to the team lineups of the two competitions, despite all my efforts to prevent this. But i guess its my fault for not making myself clear i guess.

I do know that i do give a 1st impression of do not mess with me but i think this last year ++ should have thought you more than judging me by that 1st impression especially when i feel that my actions have proven otherwise. I do not feel missunderstood right now, I feel that I have simply wasted everything right now, especially all the dedication and the need to bother about others. Sometimes I am amazed, when I see how easy it is for others to forget all the good done to them by others. Maybe i did it all wrong, maybe all that i did wasn't even worth it. Yea sure, its nearing the time of A levels right now and its time to be selfish and start not bothering about others, but hey i am not that kind of person. Maybe i should learn not to bother if others aren't bothered. Perhaps its easy for you guys to erase all memories but you know what, it aint easy for me after all the fury i had to face, all the missunderstand and having to clear it all out thanks to all your misconceptions which weren't even due to me.

Gosh, i hate what i am thinking and feeling right now. I am sorry if i hurt your feelings, but you know what i think its time to think about others as well(as clearly emplified by your blogs), especially myself. I am sorry, I think you ought to know me well enough by now that all my apologies are sincere.

Tongue Twisters that trick tongues

2006-06-08T22:39:00.000+08:00

I just realised while chatting with Wan Wen that i have always been interested in tongue twisters since the 1st one i learnt and memorised from Pets textbook in primary school, its still my favourite twister till date. Presenting Betty Botter:

Betty Botter had some butter,"But," she said, "this butter's bitter. If I bake this bitter butter,it would make my batter bitter. But a bit of better butter--that would make my batter better". So she bought a bit of butter,better than her bitter butter,and she baked it in her batter,and the batter was not bitter. So 'twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter.

Fanna, the new Hindi Movie had a really cool song about tongue twisters, have to go hunt for the lyrics.

In response to Wan Wen's suggestion on my tag board to hire playmates, i asked her where is such a thing possible. Instead she suggested fishing fishes out of the sea and my response: Yuck those slimy, slithery things that stink. Then i realised that i had just created a wonderful tongue twister with the last 5 words. I also created the title of tongue twisters that trick tongues.

Here are a couple more, that are reallu hilarious and keep getting my tongue ties and twisted, from a website i found: http://www.geocities.com/Athens/8136/tonguetwisters.html

1) A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.

2) She sells sea shells by the sea shore. The shells she sells are surely seashells.So if she sells shells on the seashore, I'm sure she sells seashore shells.

3) Mr. See owned a saw. And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See,Which made Soar sore. Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw,See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw. But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw!

4) How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? He would chuck, he would, as much as he could,and chuck as much wood as a woodchuck would if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

5) A tree toad loved a she-toad Who lived up in a tree. He was a two-toed tree toad But a three-toed toad was she. The two-toed tree toad tried to win The three-toed she-toad's heart, For the two-toed tree toad loved the ground That the three-toed tree toad trod. But the two-toed tree toad tried in vain. He couldn't please her whim. From her tree toad bower With her three-toed power The she-toad vetoed him.

6) Silly Sally swiftly shooed seven silly sheep. The seven silly sheep Silly Sally shooed shilly-shallied south. These sheep shouldn't sleep in a shack; sheep should sleep in a shed.

7) You've no need to light a night-light On a light night like tonight, For a night-light's light's a slight light, And tonight's a night that's light. When a night's light, like tonight's light, It is really not quite right To light night-lights with their slight lights On a light night like tonight.

8) Of all the felt I ever felt, I never felt a piece of felt which felt as fine as that felt felt, when first I felt that felt hat's felt.

9) If one doctor doctors another doctor, does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does he doctor the doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?

10) Can you imagine an imaginary menagerie managerimagining managing an imaginary menagerie?

11) Once upon a barren moor There dwelt a bear, also a boar. The bear could not bear the boar. The boar thought the bear a bore. At last the bear could bear no more Of that boar that bored him on the moor, And so one morn he bored the boar--That boar will bore the bear no more.

I have always had loads of fun with tongue twisters, not only are they good conversation starters but it is a good way to pass time as well. I have always been taught during the speech and drama sessions(i really enjoyed them and can still remember how i stapled my finger while trying to make my cat mask for the musical play we did Cats, those white ladies were really amazing) that i had at CHIJ KC primary and during debates as well, tongue twisters are easy as long as you make sense out of them. The easiest are the ones whose meanings are obvious. Oh and do not take them too seriously, it takes time to get tongue twisters right, so have fun with them and have a good laugh if you can record what you end up saying the 1st time round and if you repeat over and over again, it becomes a jumble. Best to do it with a friend or in a group and if you can time for how long you can make sense of what you are saying without jumbling it up. Enjoy ya'll...

What makes a Blog interesting

2006-06-08T18:04:00.000+08:00

While was surfing through blogs today, i remembered that i hadn't gone to a person's blog for about 2 months now and decided to venture there. The blogger, a tj debator, was tagged by an anonymous tagger who claimed that his blog wasn't as interesting as before. What intrigues me, is the fact that i happen to agree with anonymous. I have read that particular blogger's entries from the past year and have seen a great difference in his blogging ways-perhaps this is the exact reason why i have not visited that person's blog. This is where i find myself agreeing with mr/ms/mrs anon here: the lack of opinion. The reason why i read blogs is not really to learn about other's daily activites or juicy pieces of gossip or find out who is washing their dirty laundry in public. The actual reason is for me to read other's opinion regarding a issue or whatever there is. I mean i am not interested in reading about another's private life to say the truth. By reading my classmates blog i get to view the same situation during which i was present, through another's perspective. By reading blogs, i also find that i learn about others who tend to be rather introverted-by this i refer to their character.

You may think, that i am not entitled to say all these things especially about opinions etc considering i may not actually be following what i preach. Well, to that i say that my blog is a true reflection of who i am. I clearly remember that i wrote in 2nd post, this blog is not my personal diary, it is a place where i write about things that i feel can be shared with others:not necessarily the whole world but at least those i do know personally and others who may chance upon my blog.

Yea sure, my blog when compared to others would be pretty uninspiring or whatever but i stand by whatever i have up here. My blog is about who i am, so i would be living in self denial if i refuse to accept what i posted on this blog. I accept that i am not as well-versed in writing down my thoughts as others, however i think that i am happy with who i am write now as i do know that i can improve if i want to,especially when i do not plan on pursuing a literary career. Till today, i have never found myself regreting about whatever i have posted up here. I do not mind others putting their rants up,however, i do not feel that others are justified to face my wrath, anger or whatever i have against others(if you feel otherwise, i urge u to read those posts again, they are about what i think, although i could be wrong) because i am the kind that will either tell the person what i feel or hold my silence forever unless that person instigates me again.

Besides, sometimes a person's blog may go downhill simply because of the lack of inspiration, i guess. There is no way anyone can expect a person who is obliged to put his/her nose to the books and literally study in a sweatshop like condition in order to be free of the education system and still be able to come up with brilliant ideas to blog/publish about unless that is their full-time job. I have heard this countless of times from my parents: sometimes you have to give up your leisure/play/whatever else in order to excell, however in my case i simply cannot stick to that advice. I am pretty sure that many students after spending hours trying to grasp a concept or memorising some terminology/or spending hours in school due to school related activities, feel drained and cannot think about a single issuebut that of sleeping.

However, what really makes me sad is to see a person lose themselves in the pursuit of something. If a person changes for the better yet still retains his/her character, i say brilliant but if a person changes and looses his orginal personality(reminds me of Frankenstein) i say this person needs a break because he no longer has a mind to formulate his own opinions and tends to just live by on the details of his activites which everyone, present during those activities, would know. This is where is ask, how can that person actually stand out from the rest without his opinion. Yes, there are times when 2 or more people have the same opinion, however the fact is that while their opinion is the same, at least they do have a opinion compared to none at all.

I do know that loads of people think that having an opinion can negative or can get one into trouble however i really do think otherwise. I have found that by learning a person's opinion has actually made me think otherwise of a person in a good way. I have always stood by my stand of everyone having their own opinion and are entitled to it, that is where blogs come in: to be able to voice your opinions without being asked to and without being reprimanded for it.

I may sound blunt but that is really who i am: blunt and straight to the point unless i have a motive behind doing otherwise. I have never meant to hurt anyone through the presence of my blog. If i have i apologize. If i have made you feel anything but good about anything, i say i am sorry and i suggest that you do not read my blog. I say be yourself and do what you believe in, take in the views of others especially those close to your heart. If you do not consider me a close friend or anything along that line, i say do not take to mind what i have to say. I do accept that i often talk nonsensical and ramble on, i could possibly be doing so right now. So this is where i leave this matter to be-in your hands.

Restless

2006-06-07T20:04:00.000+08:00

Hearing my mum curse the lady who cut my hair is hilarious, direct translation is "I'll go whack her on her head with this pan. " With the arrival of the holidays and being able to spend more time at home which translates into spending more time with my mum also translates into more time for me to irritate her in a good way. Its actually quite hard to actually write down what i would be telling her as it is mostly in guju. This is exactly what amazes me at times, how i can just associate speaking with my mum with guju, considering the lack of MT for more than 7-8 months now. Teasing my mum and irritatin her into making stuff for me is something without which i cannot say that it is a holiday.

I have no idea but i have been feeling absolutely extra restless today which results in me not being able to sit down and concentrate on a single topic. I have started blog hopping again and came across a couple of interesting things: American Indian blogs, more food blogs, JKhoo's blog on how Fabio speaks and pronounces(i can actually imagine Fabio speaking in that manner). What seems to make this restless feeling worse is the guilty conscious which in reality is supposed to get me back at my desk. The lack of updates on my classmates blogs, the offline status of most of my classmates except for Evelyn, the heat and the summer rain which makes me even more restless, the urge to cook up something, the urge to watch TV etc is just making me restless. I think i have mentioned restless a couple of times now, so i think it is pretty obvious that i am indeed very restless. Gosh, i have no idea what is wrong with me. I haven't accomplised much for any topic. I guess the consolation is that i do know the stuff well for the topic which i started with.

I think i can cut myself some slack and slack of for tonight and get back to plan(there is no plan/timetable...haha besides just revising) tomorrow morning. I think i should go roller blading and swimming to work all the extra energy off. Thats a good idea...lets see if i actually stick to it...haha

Oh i just realised that i have taken to blogging at this time between 8-9pm. I have no idea why but i get this feeling that there is a reason for doing so. Could be coincidence, i could be thinking about it cause i am restless, there could be a reason behind my blogging at these times or maybe it could be a mixture of all three, i haven't got the slightest inclination.

Weird happenings

2006-06-05T20:28:00.000+08:00

Today was the day when i had to go down to Orchard Rd with my mum and her best friend. The day started out with visiting the High Indian Commision aka the Indian Embassy for my aunt who had to get her visas done.

This is where all the weird things start. Since it was not specified on the website or even when my aunt collected the forms that there was a need for a photocopy of the front page of the Passport. Since there was no service for photocopying at the embassy itself, i had to run down to takashimaya from grange road and back. What surprised me was the amount of time i needed to run to and fro:8 mins flat, considering the lack of exercise etc.

The next weird thing that happened was my mother pressing me to get stuff for myself when she is always the one who is always complaining that i spend on unnecessary stuff when all my cupboards are full and i never get out of my usual clothes. I liked a pink and white Pocillini hand bag and my aunt treated me to it. Gosh, its always fun going shopping with Females older then you who try to relive their youth by getting nice things for their daughters/friend's daughters or just out of the kindness of their heart, or maybe its a mixture of both and i think in my case it was the 2nd reason being the dominant want and the 1st reason being a subtle unconscious one.

When i was completely exhausted at the Singapore Airline's office at Paragon and my mum who always wanted to speak to her friend's son who is the same age as me who is in Melbourne who did one of those fast train programmes and is in Uni now(forgive me for all the who's and long windedness, i guess i am just tired), decided to call him up. Now this is where the weird part comes in. He inquires about me and asks to speak to me !! I ask why ? Ok, i do know he is a guy that has a nice nature etc, yada yada. We have never exactly been on talking terms not in a bad way but because we have never found any time i guess. Does he still remember what i told him through my mother who told his mother who told him what i said when he was leaving? That was actually how a large part of our conversations took place. Gosh maybe he is just being nice and is deciding to be nice. Oh and if you ever come to my blog, just wanna say thanks for inquiring, its a nice feeling and i am sorry for not asking about how you are and how's life there. Your voice isn't as deep as it used to be, its nice to hear that you lost some weight and i hope that you get to have a couple of bars of chocolate at Melbourne and do not get some ailment related to the lack of chocs. Well i can't wait to chat with you once you are back from Melbourne which will most probably be next year and when you get time off NS.

The final and most weirdest thing that happened, is the lady at the hair salon that always cuts my hair did somthing weird and left me with hair thats just below the length of my earlobes but above my shoulders. It looks alrite right now. I am not to enthusiastic about it. Actually, come to think of it, this is how i always feel after any haircut. I really need time to get used to my new look which is really a look that i have never had. I hope it grows fast go that i can get it layered either after the A's in Singapore or India.

I am really exhausted now, i am happy with my gift of a new handbag, i guess i will be using it during the hols after A's. Its a nice simple bag. It suits me. Whats really great about shopping is the company actually more than the act of shopping for me as shopping is not retail theraphy for me. It makes me hungry and tired which makes me sleep which is actually not a good thing considering that i will tell my mother to go to sleep when she comes to wake me up at 10 tomorrow morning and i will start my actual revision and mugging late. Well i think i will add a little more slacking to my slacking done today more before I eat and hit the sack smiling while thinking about all the wonderful but weird happenings of today.

Irritations

2006-05-31T22:53:00.000+08:00

For the last couple of days i have been getting really irritated at people for being absolutely immature in the most serious situations ans simply making them worse. I am not saying that being immature/being kiddish is bad but seriously there is a time and situation for eveything. There is no need for anyone to think about where a situation is right and what manner of behaviours is a perfect match for that situation.

I just do not understand people who try to pick serious fights over little things and being absolutely hyper un-trusting(another word that i just came up with and have no idea if it exists) about every little thing that a person does. Ok i do understand that gaining back trust on someone for whom you have lost it is somthing really tough, i have gone through that, but just because of that person(s) i do not feel that anyone can be justified in starting to doubt every little existence on this planet. I may seem exaggerating but seriously these are people who do exist and i am not making them up to kill time, or when pretending to read my notes.

What irritates me even more is the attitude and behaviour of the group of race that you belong to. I think its completely irrational on the way these people segregate and are prejudiced against their fellow kind. I know that you must be thinking that prejudice is found within any race anywhere in the world, but seriously you would have never face a worse community before. No matter how much i try to stop myself from thinking negatively about these people, it never works. In layman terms, its severe bitching which has transgressed from a hobby to a full time job for many of these people. Whats much more interesting is how the men can actually be on par in this accupation despite already having a official fulltime occupation.

Just thinking about these two issues makes me feel like laughing even though the situation is serious. It is simply amazing as to how the mind of human beings work. I think i should go include psychology on my ever-growing list of what to read after my A's.

I think i am just going to be talking about a few random things now:
1) Fanna is a great movie not because of the story line or the songs or the director or the producer but because of the Lead actress : Kajol who made a wonderful comeback after being arried.

2) Being a Geographer, i would be inclined to support Amir Khan's views regarding providing the villagers with accomodations in place of what they loose due to the building of the Narmada Dam, which is desperately needed for the thousands of Gujaratis who have been living in drought and famine for years. While there are both sides to this issue in a geographical point of view, I do not want to enter into the debate as it involves political aspects much more than geographical.

3) Recently(last couple of months) i have been feeling rather good about being an Indian, please do not ask why, its just a feeling.

4) I feel like trying out a couple of new recipes during the june holidays to work of the stress that is bound to arrive in full force when i seriously start mugging.

5) I find this extra week of lessons completely useless. I am not absorbing anything from any of the lectures, I am not reading up for any of the lectures and I have not been revising, so whats the point of having this extra week i ask the wonderful school administration? Consultations would have been much productive.

6) I have discovered that Debates is something that i have truely and sincerely enjoyed. I can't wait to go down and support the new team in all their friendlies as well as the JCDC.

7) I am tired now so i shall go to bed and enter slumberland.

Ok that wasn't supposed to be a point but who really cares. All i know is that my brain is likely to go even more berzerk if i continue...so good nite and sweet dreamz to all...

The Final Soccer Match: MJ vs VJ

2006-05-25T21:58:00.000+08:00

I guess there have been loads of people beside the soccer team and me who have been looking forward to this day. School and lessons were the same as always with slight variations as to who gets to the Econs lecture theatre earlier and who is teasing who about what. The only lesson that i remember anything about today is the last lesson before we were dismissed to watch the soccer match: Geography. Mrs Chua's ex-students came back and when evelyn and her ventured out to chit-chat, I sneaked up and closed the front door and looked it and closed the curtains of the geog room. Wan Wen's Ipod was then utilised and music was blasting from the speakers and a picture taking session that had begun from taking pictures on the field with the soccer players of our class. When Mrs Chua finally decided to venture back, she threatened us and we meekly let her in and pleased her with our knowledge of knowing the kinds of winds and their directions.

I apologise to all JC1 councillors from now if i offend anyone of you, however it seems to be proven now on a daily basis the ineffieciency of the Jc1 councillors, in other words they are horrible at their job (this could be a generalisation as i do not know anyone from the new council personally and the possibility of improvement is there) as there was absolutely no co-ordination in anything, the cheers had to be led by the ex-council and they could not appeal to the general crowd.

When our class was finally allowed to make our way to the porch to get onto our bus, I passed down the message to rush for the bus like how we always do for Econs lecture however this time round we will be running as a class. The minute it was confirmed that all of us were on the same bus, Andy took off as promised with me following closely behind (Andy was supposed to make way for me as i was holding the plac cards that have very high wind resistance and take up a lot of space when running) followed by the rest of the class. Our sprint took over 3 other classes that were let off much earlier than us and we managed to grab the back seats and other premium seats due to the choice available to all of us. The bus ride like last year was filled with our class as the main producer of most sound on the bus, due to the continuous "rehersing" of cheers, the passing around of plac cards for the enitre class to write their little messages for the Soccer players and the creation of the new tactic as the get the best seats.

Upon arrival at the stadium and the discovery of where the enterance is, the secret mission of taking over almost half of the classes earlier began with Andy who was in the lead but got caught up behind. I remembered seeing this relatively tall malay guy in a white polo tee and black track pants at whom i looked when he continued to look at me and smiled when i had absolutely no response. So i just dismissed as that guy as cross-eyed or dazed from soccer practice until i heard Andy's shriek "oii its Fandi Ahmad". Due to my absolute ignorance of the S-league and all and how Fandi looks now, i had not recognised the guy, this ignorance will once again be repeated towards the end of the match.

With this incident left behind and the main priority of getting good seats came back to us, the whole class, being the epitomy of kiasuism, rushed up the stairs and took ages till we decided to get the 3rd row right behing the team.

The match kicked off on a great start with MJ being in possesion for quite a fair bit which resulted in Zul scoring a goal. However the refree was no doubt biased in a lot of ways and was the worst when he sent of J Khoo( number 2) of the pitch with a red card for absolutely no darn reason and awarded VJ with a penalty which for thank god was saved.

Right when MJ was winning 2-1 with 4 more minutes to go, the tables turned around as the Victorians tried tricks on both accounts by creating a whole lot of confusion right in front of the goalpost so that the Mjc soccer guys were helplessly trying to figure out where the ball was. Its not like the goalkeeper can't save, as proven otherwise on loads of countless incidents, and the entire blame cannot be put on a single person.

However i will say one thing: This years team wasn't as untied as last year especially this years J1s who seem as if the are living of the glory of last year's team. Whats worse is the fact that soccer being a team sport requires need everyone's effort to the max which seemed to be lacking at times on Thursday. Call me biased but from what i have seen for a couple of matches before the final, the midfielders often had to dribble the ball from their side to the goal post which they often cannot thanks to the horrible guys who constantly tag them. It was really obvious as to the lack of cohesiveness in the team that resulted in the score difference.

At the end of the match, i felt tears rolling down my face and heard myself screaming and cheering for the team especially when they bowed to us. It was great to see the support of the whole school being there, despite the result. Despite everything, i still feel that the team had tried its level best which was definitely a couple of notches higher than Vj's stooping to dirty tricks to win.

Once the tears stopped just as abrubtly as they had started, i was wondering as to how to pass the plac cards to the guys and decided the pass them to the new female soccer coach/2nd coach: Anderson who said something about not being around and called this other guy who i guessed was brazilian and a friend of Fabio's, so when this guy, who actually looks quite good came up to me, i just told him: could you please pass this to Adher and anand. And when he seemed a lil confused i just told him to pass to the players and they will know whose his whose and said thanks and turned around. Once i turned around, i heard this whole outburst beginning from Vanessa, Radiah and Nursilla who burst out asking me what i was asking this national soccer player about etc. Marilyn's response was the classic one: Aneesha! what was you motive huh? Couldn't you go talk to that Ah Pek (refering to Anderson) huh? With all this noise and the identity of this guy being mysterious or rather unknown to me, i was simply dazed. I have forgotten then exact name of this player, will edit this post when i get the name of Nurc or Rad, however i think it was pronounced as Igma, if i am not mistaken(update: name is Egmar Goncalves and position forward). So ignorance of the Singapore National Team etc was proven on Thursday, however, i could have gotten those cards signed by him, if he was indeed that great a player for the soccer guys.

Oh well, life is an interesting thing as anyone can testify to, filled with unexpected occurences and sudden twists in reality that makes everything seem like a horrible dream. Thanks to Ms Lai, who is Da Woman, today(friday) is a public holiday and the beginning of the June holidays that require much to be done. Well i guess i will say my Good nite now and head off to bed and fall asleep watching the stars and the moon....Gd nite and Sweet Dreamz to all....

A wonderful CCA

2006-05-24T18:22:00.000+08:00

Thank you to all in the ELDDS exco for making our CCA fun and all the more cool. I will definitely be missing all fo you cool and funky people as well as the rest of the Drama people. To my dear Debator Grls, thanks for making a great team, enduring all of my crazy antics, having tonnes of fun and spending loads of hilarious times together.

I can't but help blog about what Steph and I did today thanks to my "adventerous" streak. For those who have been to my place would notice this huge block of land next to my block that is a huge green plateu covered with thick grass. Since Steph took 58 with me to come over, I decided to walk over the plateu as i finally have company. Thanks to the thick and deep grass into which we seemed to keep sinking down and upsetting the poor lil grass insects it took us ages to get across the "vast plain" as shown in the picture below.

While we were foraging through the huge space, we came across a slight depression that i name a "hole" and freaked Steph out who was afraid of falling into that "hole". I jumped the 1st time to show Steph how to jump across it, but i had simply scared Steph too much and jumped right back to save my dear steph by going off our track to get to flat land. So we finally made it across after much laughing and exclamations from Steph declaring me Crazy and Mad which i gladly accepted as i had just proved. Our final obstacle in order to get down onto mainland was going down a slope on which Steph decide to duck walk down. Well here is an example of how she did it.

Steph i am really sorry for bringing you across and taking your photo. However i still maintain that you look really adventerous while going down that slope, considering i couldn't duck walk down and had to simply walk down the slope.

Upon reaching the mainland, it seemed as if we had accompolished a great feat and were happily rejoicing our victory in the middle of the pavement....actually it was me, who was doing to crazy victory dance that is choreographed at the spur of the moment.

Well besides all my crazy antics, Steph and I had a really good talk about the future of our plans and devised a secret plan that will be revealed to 2 others in time to come.

In all today, is a great day that promises a tomorrow that will be jusy as great. So once again, thank you to all those in ELDDS and adious to all....tataz.

Something about my blog that my readers should know

2006-05-23T20:59:00.000+08:00

First and Last thing, alot of the things that i put down on my blog or my feelings towards others are mostly for those that often do not know of my blog and do not read blogs. If you ever feel that i am targetting you, it would do both of us good if you clear it out with me before jumping to your own conclusions about me being an absolute bitch. If you feel that the things that i put down about others are qualities that you have and feel upset about them, i am truely very sorry to one and all. If you do feel otherwise, being a debator and all, i welcome all other viewpoints but at the end of the day if i feel that i can change my view i will however being a Taurus let me just warn you that its going to be one hell of a jobm but do not be put off by that. There is my tagboard and my email that you contact me through but please do not be anonymous but put down your name.

My blog's fonts seem to have some kind of double vision when i downloaded the Updated version of Microsoft Interent Explorer version 7. So I have narrowed my choices to 3 blogskins after going through 3000+ blogskins on blogskins.com. I hope the new look of my blog suits it.

Now that CCA has officialy ended for me, I have started feeling the pressure of my academics, its a comfortable level of pressure right now because i do know that once i have set my mind to somthing, nothing will be able to divert my mind. My blogging may come to a standstill at times because i do not plan on boring my readers with details on Geography and Economics.

To the Drama people, i just want to tell you that even though i am a debator and all i still feel what you guys have gone through. Its a huge disappoint no doubt but i guess this is somthing that we will be facing along every other step in this life.

So till my next post, i wish all a wonderful summer.....

Its official

2006-05-20T14:57:00.000+08:00

Well thursday was the day that i have been looking forward to for quite sometime. The drama folks had SYF on that day( to all drama peeps, just wanna tell you that your performance is really great, from the script to the costumes to the props and most importantly the actors themselves ) and there was Eldds elections held on the same day. Made a suggestion thanks to Steph about only having the Debaters to vote for debate head and nothing else coz this year there has been no interection what so ever between the drama and debate groups. Last year, Eldds really did live up to its name as both sides knew each other or maybe it could just be the fact that i knew everyone from Drama and Debates. Congrats to Nich for making into the position of Debate Head and all the best cause you seriously need it.

So its final, the J2s have stepped down from CCA officially and it really does feel good. Can't wait for the Alumni proposal to be crafted up and handed in. The need to personalise our eldds t-shirts is something quite pertinent but that means going all the way till Plaza Singapura to get the stuff from Spotlight.

Besides CCA there has been the behaviour of couple of people that have been very irksome. All i want to say to those is that if you feel you are being put at a disadvantage or being unfairly treated, just wait till you enter the working world or even earlier get into University. Seriously Nothing in this world ever seems fair, actually nothing is fair. Sometimes you just have to accept things the way they are and seriously start moving on, because you can take this experience, learn from it and perform better in the future in other situations.

I may seem harsh but i have always stood by this principle: somtimes you do have to take the bitter medicine to get better so in other words you may have to lose,fall, be ostracised and even ridiculed and face the criticism or music to become a better person. I may seem like a horrible friend but I am not called a friend if i simply keep praising you or supporting you even if you are doing the wrong things. I would rather see you fall than see you crushed because one can pick themselves up or have others to help them up and move on but how in the entire world do you expect me to help you when i can no longer do it if you are crushed. I will always be there to help you up from the fall and even help you prevent it, if you are really sincere in changing.

Besides all the gloom, A great piece of news is the fact that the MJC soccer guys have beaten JJC 1-o at the semis on Thursday, which i couldn't go thanks to the elections, and have secured themselves a place in the Finals against VJC for the 2nd time. The school admninstration and PE department has been absolutely generous in providing transport to Jalan Besar Stadium(as the National Stadium is being renovated) for both the J1s and J2s. It was completly unexpected especially for allowing the J2s to go down but then, my class was already scheming on Friday on how to persuade Mrs Logan, Mrs Chua and our PE teachers into letting us off after the Compass period. I guess till 7.30 pm on Thursday, the Soccer guys can train and get a great team put together while the rest of us can give them our full support and pray for them to bring back the Championship title again.

The beginning of a new phase

2006-05-15T19:13:00.000+08:00

It is amazing how 12 years of friendship can allow us to just open up and talk about anything and everything. To my dear sis, i just want to tell you that you are the only one who is constant through all that has happened to me. Thank you for everything, sometimes i feel that i do not thank you enough. Even though we do not get to chat as much as we used to, i guess its the times that have gone that allows us to savour the trust that is ever present. Thank you for sunday, not only did you give me a wonderful birthday present through your company but also made me realise a whole lot more. Cafe Iguana is a great place to be, Margaritas are better than Cocktails, Happy hours are indeed very happy and joyful and finally we have a whole lot of stuff to accompalish the next time we head down there. Thank you for knowing what is in my mind and being able to relate, seriously some of the best memories that i have are shared with you. I promise that no matter what happens in the future, no matter what path we take in the future, no matter who we meet in the future nothing will come between us.

To all those dear friends that sent me the wonderful messages on my birthday, i sincerely thank you. For those who do know me well, know that i treasure messages and all things simple more than stuff that is extravagent. Thanks Sis again for treating me and giving me my favourite chocolates, thanks to Van, Evie, Wan wen, NurC, Rad and the others who chipped in for the huge bar of dark choc and those pretty earrings. Dear Sinz, thanks a bunch for the wonderful post and do not apologise for being a day late, your wishes are good enough.

To my fellow MJC Debator Grls, thanks for all the hilarious times we have shared over the last year and half. Can't wait to get the Debate Alumni started. I am really taking away a whole lot of experiences from debating. To my coaches: David Gabriel and Deborah Nga thank you for all the coaching and faith in me. To the J1 debators, all i have to say is All the best as Debating does bring out the Bitch in you, as you learnt from last Sat at the Acjc intercollegiates.

To my parents, all i have is thank you for everything till now. I guess from now on you do know that I can definitely stand on my own feet as i have my priorites right and i just do hope that you can learn to let go cause I am definitely growing up and away and you guys aren't exactly growing any younger.

To all the teachers that have taught me in my last 12 years of formal education, i would just like to tell you that you have definitely no wasted any effort on me. Thank you for all the effort that you have put into my education. Teachers no matter how they are personally, you will always have a special place in my life as you helped mould me. Although my appreciation may not be obvious at times, i do appreciate for all that you do.

With the arrival and passing of my 18th birthday, I have learnt that i have to rely on myself if i want to get what i want to achieve as there are always going to obstacles no matter what. I do know that i have the will in myself to move on and carry on as the situations that i have gone through over the past year has taught me more than what i would have learnt without them. I have realised that life isn't fair and although my nature to be selfless at times prevents me from going up the ladder as fast as others, i do have confidence in myself to get where i want to get.

I have taught myself to look out for the silver lining of the dark clouds during every thunderstorm to move on and not to give up. I do not plan to go back on what i have started because i will disspointing a whole lot of people along the way beside myself. I plan on carrying out what i had planned mentally and actually put my words into actions and prove to all those sceptics out there that i can make it.

Yea sure with my 18th birthday i can get my license to drive, drink and go clubbing, but below all the hype i truely feel that it is the beginning of a new phase in my life as i will be leaving quite a few things behind and moving on.

Lets get loud

2006-05-11T22:42:00.000+08:00

Considering the different kinds of music that i have in library, I just realised that recently that i have been listening to loads of latin music(Shakira and J Lo) and those have a cool and chill out feeling(Jack Johnson, Gavin Degraw etc) to them. It could be due to the increasing temperatures and the need to unwind. I think i have been pressurising myself these days to concentrate but i can't keep up with myself and my targets. I guess i am just going to have to take my own advice to take everything slow, after all Sunday is going to be here soon and i am pretty sure i can start a new from then.

Debates has gotten me into a rotten mood but i have decided that i am just going to enjoy the ride since i have already been chosen for the team. Its hectic no doubt, but there aint nothing that i can anyway. No matter how and what i think once again i have nothing but to do but get down to Acjc.

I have been doing lots of reflecting these days and I have discovered that I have not changed much and in the aspects that i changed, i changed for the better and i guess i can just keep doing that. Life has been getting tougher these days, situations are such that easily make us teenagers retaliate and all i can say to others especially those older is to let us have some breathing space, as i am pretty sure that no one will like the consequences of whatever happens.

With that i would like to wish all Buddhists a Happy Vesak Day and to the rest: Have a nice long weekend....

Its getting really hot coz its Summer

2006-05-10T16:32:00.000+08:00

Its been getting hotter by the day for the last week, with a occasional breeze. The sun is harsh and i need to start bringing my shades everywhere now. The sky this morning at 6.40 was a nice bright orange n i wanted to get a snapshot of it but i was in the kitchen while my phone was in my bedroom. The days seem a little longer although they aint as long as those in New Zealand. So this is the beginning of summer in Singapore when it is actualy mid-spring in most temperate countries. Despite all the heat, i just love Summer. Just beacause i am in J2 right now and my As are the most important things right now, i aint engaging in all things related to summer but just wait till next year. Summer is going to be the time when i will be slacking, chilling out and just having all the fun Summer time brings.

School has been mildly hectic, the tutorials, the class tests or quizzes and the impending revision has been putting quite a bit of pressure on me. While i am glad that i have been completing all my tutorials and have not had to resort to copying franticly in the morning, i feel that i am really falling behind on my revision plan as i planned on getting started in 2nd week of May but now everything is put on hold thanks to another debate competition: ACJC debates, that i have to participate in with Jashan, Nicholas, Yih Ching and Jasmine. I guess i will have to really carefully plan out my Vesak day as i have to finish reading and getting my concepts right for International Trade, decide the timings for the debate meeting( i am still deciding on whether we should have it or not) and get everything ready for saturday that will be completely spent at Acjc and sunday is completely booked with the plans that have been confirmed.

The situations that loads of people have been going through has made me realise and appreciate what i have and what i don't. I am thankful for everything especially to all those people that i know. Be it friends or family, i have truely learnt to appreciate one and all. On the whole, i feel happy and satisfied. It could be my nature, the way i am and the way others are.

Lisa was telling me that my blog is completely filled with my soccer craze, well Lisa just wait till the World Cup begins, you will just not only be updated on the matches but you will find me gushing about the players as well. I think i will try out Anime either after the A's or when i am truely sick and tired or studying, depending on which one comes first, but i will try watching some. I just can't wait for the World Cup to kick off. Well Grl, don't be disspointed about just getting to read about soccer, when the floorball season kicks off i will try to come down and support you guys and even if i can't i will definitely be updating the masses on how great floorball is and the number of shots you scored. I think its a great sport considering i love Ice hockey and almost joined Inline hockey last year.

That reminds me, The MJC soccer guys have made it into the Semi finals after the draw against RJC on monday. The game was full of shocks. Both teams were defensive although Rjc tried to get a bit to get some shots in order to qualify for the Semis. I felt kinda sad for the Rjc guys when they huddled on the field after the match for a prep talk but i felt really bad for Adher and Zul who had loads of shots on target but couldn't break through the 'great wall of china' that was constructed as both of them were tagged by 2 players each.

This post is a jumble of things that is currently running through my mind right now. Although everything is a jumble right now, its amazing how everything falls into place when it happens unconsciously. Well i guess that will happen pretty soon after a nice cool shower and start analysing Silas Marner.

I feel good

2006-05-05T22:42:00.000+08:00

Thursday was a great day that made me feel librated. Makes me sound like i was enslaved or something, i think i was by the thoughts of having to undergo Physical training till August and absolutely stressful debate trainings, but now they are a thing of the past. On thursday, I could proudly proclaim that i got a silver(thanks to standing broad jump) for Napfa even though i did relatively well for 2.4 km with a timing of 15.22 mins( i noe i am not fast, come on i walked twice, position 13, feel good) but with the passing through of all my 5 stations, it was celebration time. Actually i was already cheering and jumping crazy right after i got my mark for standing broad jump.

What made the day was the Soccer match. It was against Acjc (the one that was postponed due very heavy rainfall early on) and The MJC soccer guys trashed Acjc with a score of 5-2 with all the 5 goals scored by Zul(number 33). It was a pity that the 4th student council was kinda really pathetic and had no idea how to keep the cheers going. Their voices were really irritating till i happily lashed out at one of them. It was great of Fabian to take over from the incapable hands of the j1s and kept the cheers going on and growing on.

The feeling right after th match was crazy, i was absolutely high. Had debate trainings right after that at 7 pm, the debate (consisting of j1s entirely) was absolutely crappy despite all the info that we guys fed them. Ended up with some homework, which we j2s aren't going to be doing coz we simply have too much on our hands. Sorry about that Deborah. Even though i was really tired, had a slight throbbing headache that kept throbbing at slightly increasing intensities and reached home really late, I felt absolutely happy.

On the whole, i feel more motivated especially in the Academic sense. I want to get that msg 1.9 for Mr Chris Chen and Mrs Chua( i do not want her to cry even if the paper is absolutely disgusting). To Marlz, if it helps read my post on escapism and remember that i am always there for you no matter what. This applies to all my friends. To the rest i wish you a Good nite and sweet dreamz.....

05A202's Corny pickup lines

2006-05-04T11:28:00.000+08:00

I finally came up with my very own pickup line, was cracking my brain and for some reason it formulated itself this morning, i feel proud of it thanks to the Approval of Marlina and the sudden hug that almost threw me of balance from dear Lisa, Marilyn's amazement at such a sweet line. Well i think i will blog about the lines that have been created so far before i finally publicise mine.

Marlz:
1)Refree i need a red card, because he just tackled my heart(used on Adher)
2)Do you have a dictionary? I need to find a word to describe my feelings for you(used on Adher as well)
3) do you have a thermometer because i have the hots for you.
4) Is your freezer working? Coz my heart just melted.
(sorry marlz i cant seem to remember the rest)

Wan Wen: I must sue you for assault because you really knocked me out.

Lisa: (dunno if it is a original) Are your parents artists? coz they created a masterpiece.

Can't seem to remember Radiah's exactly.

Mine: Even if there is a blackout, there will always be electricity-between us.

I think mine is really sweet and Marlz called me queen of cheesiness but i really doubt this title. Anyway to all you readers, These pickup lines are created by the brain power of these girls and are no meant for any one to claim their ownership over them except for the creators. If you should ever come to a time when you really need to use them, please ask the creators politely. Thack you...heehee

Escapism - what is it?

2006-05-03T22:02:00.000+08:00

I am really fed up with people resorting to alcohol as a mean to escapism. I can't stand the sight of their faces when i learn that they resort to alcohol to "get over their problems", but what these people actually do is to try and shove it into a corner of their mind instead of meeting it head on and getting over it for once and over. Do not get me wrong, i am not saying that life is without problems, i do accept that there are many situations to which there are no solutions what so ever, i do know what it feels like to be stressed up and under constant pressure. What i say to this is to STOP BROODING over the matter, let the past be and move on, forgive yourself and others if you have to. You may say that its easier said than done, but what i say to this is if you are determined and are willing to make a change and prove otherwise, anything is possible no matter how impossible it is. Escapism is somthing that i consider pure rubbish and nonsensical, there is nothing in this world you can escape till you die. What is it that you are trying to escape from? By escaping something, can someone please tell me if the situation that follows is better or worse. Its usually much worse. By getting yourself drunk or through whatever other means you are trying to escape, all you are trying to do is to put that matter away so that you can have a good night's sleep. But have you ever thought if others have a good sleep or not. Maybe you are just so caught up with yourself that you can't even think about anyone or anything else. You tell others that they are weak but what the hell are you if you are trying to escape? Seriously do not point fingers at others if you yourself aint perfect which you know you are not. Stop being so selfish, have you ever wondered about the sacrifices others make and what you would end up like if not for those who bother and care for you. But no all you think is about yourself and how these people are out only to get you and cause harm to you. Well let me tell you somthing those that those people you think you must be good and kind to are actually the ones that are out to get you and can't wait to see you fall flat on yourself. Just for your information, you are the first person i have decided to give up on because you are simply hopeless.

To my dear readers, it is not meant for anyone of you. It is meant for someone who doesn't even read this. I just needed to get this chip off me, please do not take offence at this.

On a much lighter note, this week is corny pickup line week which was started out by Marlina. I still have to come up with one. Ewis's are simply too sexual, Radiah's and Wanwen's are really cool, Lisa's was hilarious but cool as well. Adher's response to them all were bashful, typical him and classic. I can't wait to come up with one.

A great workout

2006-05-01T14:11:00.000+08:00

Yesterday i got this horrible urge to go to the gym and swim. So i headed down to our dear family club, Singapore Swimming club and hit the gym. Did my usual 2.5 run, crunches, leg extensions etc with weights that i kept changing and other stuff that i cant remember. The pool was amazing, the water wasn't hot from the blistering sun( i swam at 2 pm)instead it was just nice, the temperature is pretty hard to describe in words and i wish i had a thermometer then. Anyway those 10 laps were easy and it was great to enter the sauna after the swim as u do not feel heat that is able to melt you but a nice temperature that is soothing for muscles that haven't been exercised in a long time. I realised Snapple's Pink Lemonade is a good drink after a workout as it quenches the thirst and keeps you from getting hungry as i had lunch at 5 pm.

I just hope this worklout will be able to get me a silver for my Napfa, especially the standing broad jump and shuttle run. Any tips anyone?

I think this post has absolutely no structure what so ever as all my thoughts are in a jumble, my feelings are pretty much jumbly as well: kinda angry, happy, sad. I just hope i end up fine by tomorrow....

Before the Rain

2006-04-29T10:48:00.000+08:00

The Photos which i promised, they really look amazing. Its sublime and very gothic atmosphere. The wind was amazing and try to see if you can see the leaves caught in movement for one of them. Handphone pictures are too good to be true although a good digi cam would be nicer :> hope you like them.... Oh and do move ur cursor over the pictures, i love the way they switch around, its fun to do it or maybe its just me....hehe

Adher; You da MAN

2006-04-27T20:26:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, thursday, was another one of those fantastic days when everything seems to be going like what we would like it to be. I am still smiling from all the fun, it was a beautiful day.

It started off with me receiving an sms from Mr Low our paper 8 tutor who could not make it for lesson as he was on MC. Once this news was known to the early morning crowd( those that are at the GO benches before the morning assembly either doing homework-copying- or slacking or catching up on sleep) Evie called up Ms Lim Pei Wen and managed to shift our econs tutorial up which left us with 4 free periods straight. Thanks to the breaks, the early morning crowd decided to go for class breakfast at Macs in Elias Mall. After a hearty breakfast ( i was completly filled with the ice milo), we started work on the plac-cards for both Adher and Anand. Once Ewis drew out the words, Evie and I started work on Anand's first till we realised that we might use up the black marker and since i was doing the outlining i had to switch to Adher's and started working. All together the boards took up 4 hours. Adher's card was feared to turn out inferior but the opposite was true as i promised that i would make his the best. The continous outlining made my brain go quite numb due to the horrible paint fumes. Despite all the hand, shoulder and back ache-Adher's card is Evie's and mine pride and joy. Thanks to all those that helped us in a way or another which accounts to the whole class. Its sad the Anand's card the reads: Anand Seek 'n' Destroy had a horrible surface which prevents the silver marker from flowing well although i did manage to make the outlines bold-er which helps although it still looks like a mess from near. Adher's card is classic, its yellow with the words: Adher You DA MAN. The card looks simply amazing and Adher has requested for it once all the matches are played ( oh he told me yesterday online that he has still kept the one that we made for him last year....am so touched coz last year as well i helped out with the outlining and ended up with cramped hands, well i do not care about the cramps as he is a wonderful guy and soccer player!) Marlina, if you do have a digi cam, could you please take photos of both the cards and put them up on your blog? thanks so that i can have a picture as well.

So the entire school day was spent on the cards for me as i was really picky on making the outlines bigger and perfect. I will only feel satisfied once i have amended Anand's one and my job is over. Although i will be fiercely protective over them.

Once school was over, i rushed around the staffroom till the porch like a crazy women and got to Tpjc by the buses that Ms Lai decided to provide for the supporters. The 1st half was sluggish and it was tough to keep up with Number 9 from Tpjc who was really good and was much bigger than J khoo( number 3). The 2nd half, with Fabian on the drum, the cheers picked up and so did the Match, i cant exactly remember who scored the 1st 2 goals although it is the same guy but the 3rd goal is the most important as it was dear Adher who scored it. What made the goal even more memorable is that Adher came zooming towards us as I shot his card right up as I saw his shot zoom in the air over the goal line. Adher's goal allowed us to win 3-2 despite the biased referee that was blind to all the fouls tpjc was committing and awarding a yellow card for no darn reason when it was actually that dumb tp player that decided to slide in between an MJ player's legs. Once again it shows that the MJC soccer team is definitely above the notch as they can still win despite horrible conditions: referee and plasticine like field.

Today wasn't exactly that great although there are a few events that would be hilarious: Me saying to Nicholas "you made me sticky" (which sounds really wrong) when he poured water on my hand-sticky coz it was hot n humid which doesnt allow for fast evaporation. The 2nd is Jashan's facial expression in the toilet when she fantasised momentarily about her crush who was not in school and prevented her from having her daily dose of eye candy. Sin Yi said some hilarious things as well but i can't seem to recall them although i do remember what Dr S said to Mr max cheong "eh stop showing off and go back to your position" and about Mr Naresh; "make sure the paramedics are ready and running when Mr Naresh runs". Dr S is simply hilarious all the time, Mr Chris Chen is able to catch us off guard by being able to tell that it was Nickelback's song that was being played and proclaimed that Nickelback's Photograph is one of his fvourite songs. Oh and Nicholas happily made loads of blunders while being the emcee for Colosseum( the new and more class-ier name for Sports day) like saying the new record for 4x400m( ot is it 100m?) event timing was 3.53 seconds instead of 3.53 minutes(trying to imagine those guys to run their laps in under a second is hilarious and those guys must be on more than steriods or have superpowers).

In all this week was amazing and the walk home from the busstop was cool as the wind was blowing in full force as it was about to rain and i waited for ages trying to get good shots of the sky and lightening and managed to take two really cool ones. Its amazing to see how the colours and shades of the sky can be so different yet so similar and sublime. Since i cant seem to post them know, i shall post them tomorrow...Gd nite to all

Rain, books and sweet slumber

2006-04-26T20:45:00.000+08:00

I love to watch the rain fall, I love getting wet in the rain although I haven't been able to do so as I am usually caught in the rain in my school uniform and I cannot afford to get my shoes wet as I do no want another Nike experience where my shoe strings broke (don't ask how) and it took an entire weekend for them to dry up as I realised the my soles have began to detach themselves and the 2nd reason is the I had recently washed my Adidas pair and I do not want to have a grey looking pair instead of a nice white and blue one.

Despite all this, I love watching the raindrops fall and splatter, I love the way the trees and all other vegetation respond to the rain by turning into wonderful shades of green, the calls of birds that are getting wet, the way the rain runs off the leaves and drips onto others, the way there is silence despite the constant pattering of raindrops and thunder. While I do not like a continuous downpour of rain like that during a monsoon season, I find that a sudden downpour accompanied with lightening and thunder seems to keep the balance in the natural world, it reminds us human beings who often think that we are in control of everything that Nature is still supreme. Although I am often frightened by loud thunders, it is amazing to see and hear how lightening and thunder work in tandem. I do know that there is a scientific and geographical explanation behind everything but sometimes it really does good to the mind to appreciate what nature has to offer in today's increasingly urbanised societies. The way the sky changes its colours and shades even if they are subtle makes everything seem beautiful, the way clouds change in shape, size and how the sun peeks out after a heavy downpour makes everything seem like the first day the earth was created.

I am not against development but I feel that sometimes many people forget to appreciate the little acts of nature in our own country that is often the same in other countries that are known for their scenic beauties. While I love looking through National Geographic's pictures on lands far away from home, I feel that even the Nature in Singapore isn't that horrible, as it may seem. Just like how models are made to look better by the way the angle/light is when that shot is taken, the angle/light of that particular area also helps to make the shot of a natural sight more exotic than it may seem (photographers are known to stay up and wait till wee hours to get the perfect shot.

When the rain comes, one of the few things that go along perfectly is a sweet slumber, which I had the pleasure of since I am let off early due to the absence of CCA. A nice lunch followed by a short catnap leaves not just me but anyone refreshed, I am sure Lisa can testify to this.

What makes the rain even more blissful is a wonderful book to read. Due to the ever-increasing piles of homework and readings and the amount of revision that I have to get started on, I always have to restrain myself whenever I go to the library. However I have made up my mind. This decision will allow me to continue being a good student and allow me to read the books that I want to read. I shall borrow no more than 2 books a week and I will read during the breaks in school and study/mug like crazy at home. I really hope that i can stick to my plan considering how books and I are.

Well this is another one of my long posts and it is a break from my usual ramblings of debate and the soccer matches. I feel good and motivated to carry on with my readings and revision so that I can achieve my aims for the Mid years. Hope you have a sweet slumber tonight.....

Blogger is back on track...

2006-04-25T19:20:00.000+08:00

It was really worrying yesterday when for some weird reason no blog on blogger.com couldn't be updated, i didn't know that at first and i thought that there is a problem with my blog itself.

Anyway here is the update on the soccer match: the whole match (the entire match!!) was cancelled 3 minutes before the game was over as it was raining too much and there was lightening. Its really sad and i wonder how the players must be feeling as the MJ soccer guys were winning 5-1 with a hat trick scored by Zul(number 33) and 1 by Adher(35, he is Marlina and Marilyn's sweetheart, my hero and the others are his fans). Its time that we really get a banner kinda thing done for him, i think the national team coach is crazy to let him go. Besides that, Mr Chris Chen was fuming about the lack of dignity and self-respect that the RJC coach and teacher-incharge had as instead of conceding to the match, they want a rematch. It will most probably be on homegrounds and i have a feeling that i will be part of those that are going to bash the RJC side up if they try anything funny. Marlina suggested baking rock cakes but Vanessa told her not to waste flour on those people, instead we shall go hunt for actual rocks. I think a couple of us tomorrow who do not have CCA will be heading down to Popular tomorrow to purchase those cards and pens to design cards for Adher.

By the Way to all u debators, I will be making an announcement during morning assembly on Thursday regarding the debate competition on Sat. Saturday was simply jolly good time and we all had a blast. I just cant wait for the Debate Alumni to be started and runninng and all the future competitions that our juniors will be participating in.

How pathetic fallacy represents my feelings right now

2006-04-24T16:42:00.001+08:00

I feel horrible right now, i was caught at a horrible crossroad on whether i should head down to support the soccer guys against rjc today or whether i should stay and go home to study for the econs essay test and the Gothic context text tomorrow. Lisa succeded in makingme guilty and my legs just carried me in the opposite direction from where the meeting point was.

To accompany my feelings the rain that seemed like it was slowing down, increased in its intensity and started pouring. I truely feel horrible and i think i will be able to pull myself together by the time i hit the books.

The feeling that makes it me dread tomorrow is that of flunking both my tests despite my heading home to study. By the way, lisa thanks for everything right from stopping myself feeling guilty over what happened over the weekend to making me feel guilty on not going for the match and studying instead. So with that, I will continue improving in whatever i set my mind to and right now its to relax and then hit the books, thanks grl for everything and lurve ya..... ;), well pathetic fallacy is indeed true as i am feeling better now and the rainfall has become lighter.

The incredibles & it feels good to fall down and hit the ground

2006-04-23T14:05:00.000+08:00

Watching The incredibles again has made me feel much much better and i have realised that no matter what i do not have the right to walk out on anybody if they tell me what they feel even though it has really broken me up from inside out. I have no idea if i am still going to be going down for debate trainings etc but from what i know that its a month more till we step down. The Debator Grls: every single one of them have been great friends but i guess somethings that are meant to happen will happen and no matter how strongly i feel about leaving something i guess i will have to complete the job that i was appointed even though i really sucked at it. I guess i am going to have to learn to be selfish and let others be, even though its easier said then done. If anyone tells me to shut up i will and go on and live my own life. So i am sorry to everyone, please do not bother about me, i guess i am a stubborn taurean but if something does happen that i do not like i will simply accept it and move on as i always do. I am sorry for hurting every single person who read my previous posts, i know i was a complete bitch but i guess i have too much on my mind right now to brood over this.

Sorry Sin Yi and Steph and to all those that were relieve that i wont be going down for debates and burst your bubble. Apparently i aint allowed to leave right now at this instance. Sorry

Besides all this i think i am really grateful for this instance as it humbled and humiliated me as well so that i do not remain on cloud number 9 for too long. I am fine right now, just myself and thanks to all that has happened, i aint that broken and the wound will heal with the passing of time. Thank you.....