Monday, May 21, 2007

Just when i thought

that i had shaken off all the worries and left it in the hands of those two in my house, i realised what a bitch that outsider is.

At first i thought that i was going to rant, but now i simply can't form the words. Tears would form in my eyes and make it seem as if there is a well of tears waiting to burst out but all that come out are two tears that will roll down my cheeks and fall onto my t-shirt.

I had thought that i had seen the worst but apparently i hadn't. I had thought that there was limit to what people would do for money but there isn't. I had thought that if i leave matters up to those to things would fall into place but clearly that isn't going to happen thanks to that bitch.

Now that i have learnt that she has been the one fueling the fire of discord in my house, i really could not think of what to do. I had thought that when i get back home today, i can start on finalising which other route am i going to be taking thanks to that rejection letter that i got.

But clearly someone out there is bent to make our lives miserable, while she is having fun. I could slap her but i know that things aren't going to change with the slap. And there is nothing else that i will do.

Goodness, i just need a break. I know i won't get that any time soon. So thats that.

There was a time when i used to think that people who slash themselves are silly but now i think i understand why do that. At least they will be able to feel a pain that is tangible than the pain and sorrow that they are going through.

Maybe i should stop wallowing in self pity as there are people out there in the world who may be worse of than me. I think i should.

Maybe i have and maybe i have tried to move on but every time i take a step forward i do not see a path, instead i see a never ending abyss.

While sunshine is guaranteed after every thunderstorm, the devastation and destruction that the storm leaves behind cannot be erased or hidden by the glare of the sunshine.

I do know that life isn't a bed of roses but the irony lies in the fact that i can't seem to get Bon Jovi's Bed of Roses out of my head.


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