Wednesday, August 09, 2006

It hurts, Love really hurts

Why does the one person( that is related by blood-relation) that cares genuinly about me stay so far away that it hurts to make him waste money to talk to me. He is my grand-uncle and is 58 yet he can still understand what i am going through and constantly gives me the strength to carry on with what i want to pursue. Unlike others, he makes me put my priorities first before his or his own niece's(my mother). The fact that he cares so much makes me have my faith going in human kind.

It really hurts to learn that the person you care for doesn't care much for you but him/herself. I am have been permenantly wounded, maybe time might not even be able to remove these scars left inside me. Maybe i may forgive them in the future. I think i have already forgiven them partially.

I am not asking for money or materialistic things, all i am asking for is peace in the house. All i need to know is that there is someone that cares and loves me enough that will not let me go no matter what. I do have that one person, my best friend:Heena however i need a familial tie to keep me going on for the next three months. Maybe person will realise , or may have already realised that if i am willing to give up all my dreams for their happiness, they cannot simply be too selfish and make me take such a step.

It was over the last 2 days that i learnt what the phrase: Love hurts, really means. As much as i know about the wonderful feeling of being loved and loving someone else, i had never experienced this till yesterday. Its a learning point no doubt. I am only thankful that i am sensible enough not to be in a relationship right now.

I doubt i will be shedding tears like i did during the econs lecture yesterday. I think i can control my emotions much better than that.

I have no other way to go but forward from here on. As much as the past is filled with countless incidents that can hinder me if i choose, i have to move forward.

Human life isn't cheap and neither is it for simply wasting away. This has been a huge wake-up call for me. Life is tough, there is no doubt about it. It has always been tough, so i shall continue being the tough that gets going as the phrase goes: When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

My apologies to Mr Horn (no idea bout the spelling) about what i said when i got off the bus yesterday with the rest of my class as 1) i wasn't in the best of moods, if u did read the above u would understand and 2) i had no inclination that it was you and i always can't stand outsiders butting in as well. I am really sorry and i hope my apology is accepted.

To Evie, thanks grl for those few words yesterday. You can understand what i am going through coz you are going through the same thing as well. I just want to tell you that under such cases we are just going to have to depend on ourselves and no one else. Thanks for all the pictures yesterday, the fun and the laughter.

To my dearest sis Heena, thanks for the chat yesterday. It was such a relief to talk to you yesterday. Thank you for everything. Just wanted to wish you all the best for your upcoming tests. Grl, go and ace them all and remember our dream. We shall have it come true and live as we wish then. Take care and love ya loads. We shall meet up during Diwali if we can't meet up earlier.

With that i shall leave this post here and start anew again.


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