Friday, January 20, 2006


I absolutely adore this week. The running about around in school to be punctual for lessons and having plain ole fun with my dear class is the main highlight of this week. Bullying the guys; having little tete a tetes with Marilyn, Marlz and Lisa; cutting out "tree trunks and branches" from thick cardboards with Koala King and Marlz while Ewis and Justin were absolutely horrible spectators as they would unnerve me when i am perfectly unnerved despite the cutter flying my way and threatening to cut me as i am able to control the inanimate thing from causing any harm to me or them as they were simply holding on the boards to aid me in cutting out the boards; perfecting our "chocolate" painting skills with the class and catering to the whims and fancies of "princess ewis"; arm wrestling with the iron woman of our class and dear evie till both my arms ache till they are numb; checking out Sungei Rd with Mrs L, Joostin, Marilyn, Lisa and Fuad (the car trip to and fro were highly entertaining as fuad was squashed behind with Marilyn, Lisa and Me as the three of us refuse to accomodate any of our "space, while Joostin was an automobile primitive who banged the doors and frantically looked around to find the lever to move the front passenger seat infront); Behaving absolutely crazily in class while decorating the board and finally creating a master piece in a short span of time(creative juices flow during time constraints). I believe that life after JC will be of much lower intensity (will be reaching home from Uni considerably much earlier than the late hours that i have been coming home this week) but i will not be able to find such times again and that is for sure.

Despite all this i feel dissapointed due to 2 parties, the first is a group that i thought i had a lot of faith in and the 2nd is a family member. What has happened has really left me doubting my faith in others and even more so in myself and my abilities. I always acknowledged the fact that i was kind of disliked by the person-in-charge but this was made up by the thought that i had that i had a great group of mates who understood me well enough and would be by my side. However, i am convinced that this has changed after what i was accused for this week. I use the word accused because it was the opinion of one which was kind of reinforced by the others and the accusation was completely off-course and unfounded at the end of the day. I have truly wished good for everyone and this applies to my "enemies" as i do not think i will benefit anything, ANYTHING from wishing ill about another. I am dissapointed NOT hurt or jealous as i feel as if i have been let down my every single one of them who have missunderstood me and thought that i would be jealous of a fellow one. I thought that they would know me much better than that. When i said i was horrible at my job, i was told that it was utter rubbish as i was the only one who would talk to the TIC. I think it is really disheartening to know that i was only valued for that. I do admit that i like to be efficient when it comes to work that has a deadline and do complete things a little earlier beforehand. If this has offended or hurt anyone i am truly sorry, as i had good intentions for everyone and not just my self. Saying this has actually made me realised that i often think too much about others and am too nice to others that i have forgotten about myself and actually ignored myself entirely and placed others before me. I do NOT blame anyone of you but myself for this as it is my fault. As for the 2nd party all i have to say is that you have made me loose my faith and hope in my current home and i really do hope that what David has always been talking about the hoffman's process doesn't hold true for me. The wounds that i have cannot be healed by your feeble explanations as i feel completely disattached from you and your "other half".

I think all i have to say in the end is that i pray that i do not have to go through any more dissapointments which will completely eradicate my faith in this human world. The reason why i have put this down is beacuse it has tormented me for a week and i hope that by putting this down i will be able to forget what has happened and go on with my Life. To the above party concerned please do not raise this topic anymore, what is done cannot be undone. Everything from the beginning has come as a surprise to me. Finally I am sorry, I am just sorry...i have nothing more to say but I am Sorry.


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