Messages from Dr S and Mr Low

I was asked my Dr S and Mr Low to thank the entire class for the gift boxes they got. Please help me pass the message to those that do not have blogs. Ms K didn't reply and i haven't msged her to ask her.

Below is Dr S's message that i got last night:
Please tell your class i said a big Thank You for the gifts especially for the Cards! They brought tears to my eyes! I shall sleep with the mutilated kitty tonight!

Followed by Mr Low's messged at i got this morning at 6.56 am (seems like he is an early riser):
Hi Aneesha, do thank your class for the many wonderful., wonderful thoughts tucked away in that bright green box! I truly appreciate that. :)

Sorry for the extremely late posting.

Such a nice productive day it was

As much as the title makes me sound like one happy factory worker, I am actually a classic Singaporean Student that is being unnerved by the upcoming Prelims and subsequent A levels.

Despite today being the 1st official day of the study break, I felt great entering school at 10.30pm today without any fear of offering an explanation to get a late form. I couldn’t help but laugh secretly in my brain at the J1s for their day filled with lessons.

The consultation proved well, the lecture was productive followed by the enthusiastic discussion spearheaded by Vanessa that did result in some ambiguous decision being made.

In all, I feel happy which explains my silly, happy grin I had plastered on my face in the canteen today while waiting for Geog Lecture to begin.

A random addition that is unrelated to the main reason for blogging right now:
The airport is a fascinating place that provides loads of opportunities to catch glimpses of eye-candies. I specify that it is plural and not singular. The pilots, the soldiers, the locals, the tourists to Singapore and those that are waiting for a transfer flight are a great source of eye-candy. Also, the ride back home was great.

This allows me to take a great sigh and be a contented woman for the night.

P.S: Is it me or do I sound absolutely uncanny? I feel I sound a bit like Vanessa and Wan Wen in this post. Also the last line is really corny-as if I have never had contented nights before. Oh and please do not read too much into that last line. Ha ha.

Nitey Nite then

The Summer Dresses designer- Marc Jacobs

I am completely in love with Marc Jacobs designs especially his dresses.

Not only are they easy to wear, they can be modified as per the whims and fancies of the person who wears it. The material he uses most of the time is Chiffon and Silk(its a different form that is cooling). It just so happens that these two materials are my absolute favourite along with cotton being the third.

Also his signature patent and rubber sandals are a great comfort. They are compatable with heals that allows the ladies to walk around for hours without their heels aching and still look amazing. (sorry, i find it quite a hassle to upload pictures, so do Google or go to Oprah's website to have a look at his collections.)

His formal dresses are simply breathtaking. He has a unique style that makes the clothes suit those that wear them rather than the cutomers suiting the clothes.

Being a person who believes in making clothes suit the person rather than the inverse, Marc Jacobs is definately on my list for places to get clothes from once i start earning and receiving my own paycheck.

Besides dresses, he designs for Men, designs accesories, handbags as well as other things that i can't recall.

Just can't wait to go shopping there, in the near future - i hope.

Counting my blessings? Perhaps

I have never asked my parents for a reason when they visit their friends or distant relatives in the hospital. It is because they know it is very hard for me to get over the experience of seeing someone in such a vulnerable situation. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and not know how to react.

This is exactly what happened to me today. The convulsing and the sound is still ringing in my head and the image is still vivid. Just like how i could not face my maternal grandfather 4 months after his operation and despite the fact that he looked much better than his internal and external hemorrages that he had sufffered, i was too stunned to be able to help or even have a reaction.

What i remember after the incident was me telling Wan Wen that its amazing how someone can be so tough yet so vulnerable. I was also quite numb to what was going on but i could not help rolling my eyes after every single shot that the photographer took of Evie, Tricia, Lisa, Wan Wen and me. All i could think of was how i am putting on fake smiles while others were standing around or being of somehelp. Also, the geog tutorial that followed had a silence that unnerved me and Mr Chen as well. It wasn't a silence that was eerie, rather it was a silence that was fit after the 'commotion' and something that i didn't want to end.

The sms did calm my nerves although i can't help having that image come to my mind when i am not doing any work. It is not like i do know him well or i emphatise with him, it is just my nerves that respond to such situations. I think it is a horrid thing to say that i am sad or symphatise him because i know that i do not feel that. I just do not know what to feel for him or for others or for myself.

This is the reason why i refused to continue with Science especially Biology after sec 4. I just cannot look at something/someone in the same light after whatever happens.

I know that as much as i try to place this incident at the end of my brain, it will always remind me of its presence. I feel that all i can do is to keep in mind that i may have to face situations where i may not have the help of anyone. I will have to slowly but surely make myself harder to such incidents. Whether i succeed or not, i do not know as only time can tell me that.

I will be fine without a doubt, i am not depressed. I am just troubled. I am thankful for life and its fruits both the rotten ones and the juicy ones. I have never counted my blessings before although i am thankful for them. I have learnt alot from what life and God have put forward infront of me and will continue without a doubt.

Why all the differences?

Today's Gothic lecture was interesting and very informative. The questions that i am left with is what is the point of contention between the Jews, Muslims and the Christians? Are they so different that armed conflicts result so easily? With thousands being killed, even more being homeless and the rest left at a disadvantage and scorn from others not involved. There is so many simlarities between the three religions so why pick a fight over the minute details? It is not like they have different routes, they all come from the same source.

I have always been interested in the world religions and all the minor ones as well. This is because i feel that somewhere at the crux of all these religions, there is some similarity that can resolve all the religious conflicts in the world. It is because of this interest, I plan to read up about all the religions thoroughly after my A levels.

I am just interested in knowing about all religions. Please do not think that i am siding any religion except for that i practice and also even then, i am open to discussion.

Differences were also higlighted by my dear hilarious class when we had to make the video for our CT. It was crappy to such a point that it was hilarious to act it out. I hope we can get it from the council, it would be cool to have it as a reminder of how crazy the class can get and that includes me.

All i can wish for is that the video doesn't turn out horrible and embaress the class or Mrs Logan - although i doubt it would. I have faith in our creativity, our tweety bird steps and the Egyptian walk like that Dari and I did for fun.

Bored and Restless

This weekend has been bad, i can't focus. I feel like doing something but do not feel like actually doing something like studying. The pressure is mounting but i am closing one eye to it now. I can't stand myself right now.

Well i am glad that there is only one more week of school. I think its the school that is making me restless. At least when Study Break starts i will be able to work on my own time schedule-not written out. It would be great to blade in the hot afternoon, without sun block and come back all the more dark, followed by a great cool shower, study for a bit more, have dinner and then work on something random before snoozing off. Gosh, the ironic thing is that i will not be following this every single day as my head creates a new timetable for every single day, working around planned events.

I feel guilty for not having done any productive studying this weekend. Gosh i just can't wait for school to end. I am absolutely sure that its the school that is taking a toll on me and making me go all the more bonkers than usual.

I think a cold shower is in place for right now - to cool down the energy i have in me. Ugh, the heat.

A poem by Guri Mehta

I found this poem on Guri Mehta's blog. I enjoy reading her blog as its inspiring because it makes me appreciate the little things in life and take into consideration things other than what is on the face value. Her blog address is http://www.gurimehta.blogspot.com/. Below is the poem that she had put up.

Is it true
when you’re blue,
and you yelp
for help,
it is you
you are calling, who
can help.

Only you,
And no one new
knows the valleys
and the vistas
of your heart, like
the night
knows the sun
is right --
around the corner.

Have patience
my friend,
For there is a light
Deep within your night
That knows exactly,
how to chase
away the darkness.

Morning dew will wash
away the melancholy
that
has entered your spirit
as a visitor,
and settled in
as the smug master.

I have mentioned in one of my earlier posts that i do not like poems much. Its true, i do not like the poems that we get for Paper 8. I like poems that are simple. Actually i like things to be simple. However, in real life there is only so much that we can do to keep things simple, especially relationships. Maybe they are meant to be complicated or they become complicateddue to our efforts to simplify them. I have absolutely no idea as to which one holds truth. Do you?

Hated something and Then it grew on you later...

Have you ever hated something( i specify something and not someone ) and then it grew in you to such an extent that now when its all worn out, you cannot convince yourself to throw it away? I have that feeling right now. Its a t-shirt of mine, its plain blue- a unique shade of blue that i have never found a match for today, with a tight orange v-neck and a few tinges of orange in on the short sleeves with a small purple rose at the bottom-front and a larger version at the back that is encircled in orange with a french phrase above it. I wore it to school twice during orientation last year and remember asking Fuad to translate but he wasn't sure. I couldn't stand this t-shirt of mine about 3 years back - mostly due to its baggy-ness, its weird colour combination of blue, orange and purple and the difficulty to match it with a bottom. Back then i wanted my tops and bottoms to match (not same colour but in my own sense of matching- do not ask how i can't even remember it now) but now it just matters that i have matching earrings, rings that i can mix n match with my clothes.

Now that I can fit into it much better, i am beginning to appreciate it. I love my loose clothes as much as my others so its size isn't a matter. Its just its light faded look that makes me value it more. It isn't worn out yet and i still consider it on the same level as my bright orange Olive Oyl t-shirt. Actually its kind of hard to describe how i grew to like it so much.

Oh well, i think i need to get a hobby besides simply blogging and reading blogs. This Study break wasn't spent as well as i wanted it to be. Its ok, i just need my drive to get studying again. But i shall not procrastinate under any circumstances.

'Nite all.

I've never been to me by Charlene

Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do
But, I wish someone had talked to meLike I wanna talk to you.....

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away
'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived million lies....

Oh, I've been to Niece and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me

[spoken]
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love......

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free
Hey lady......
I've been to paradise, (I've been to paradise)
But I've never been to me

----------------------------------------------
I heard this song ages ago on Class 95 FM and didn't get the title down. I think its a really beautiful and peaceful song with lyrics that ring true to the heart. Actually this song was meant to be sung from a male perspective but a singer wasn't available then. Below is the male version.
----------------------------------------------

Hey mister, hey mister
I just want a dime
'Cause I need a cup of coffee and a moment of your time
I can tell your raising hell the way I used to do
But I wish someone woulda' talked to me
Like I wanna talk to you

I've been to Georgia and California Anywhere I could run
I stole a woman in Tennessee and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces
Because I had to be freeI've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Thanks mister, thanks mister
But please don't walk away
'Cause I have this need to tell you
Why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part of an old mans heart
On the day before he dies

I've been to China & Asia Minor
On any ship that would sail
I made some noise with some good old boys
We wrecked a southern jail

I've seen the best men crawl and some teardrops fall
There ain't nothing I ain't seen
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

I've even been to marriage
Where children cry for someone they couldn't find
Never knowing that I was searching
For things I left behind

I thought my heart could wait
but I learned too late
Only love can make people free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

------------------------------------------------
This song was recorded in 1976 and that explains the the lyrics. This song is being played on my list repeatedly. Its not like that i can relate to it but i feel that it is so true that i think it can change the woment think. I actually feel that the Female version has more of an impact on ladies from any era than the male version (no personal bias). Although i could be wrong and if the male version is re-recorded today it may prove to be a hit. It would be amazing to have Faith Hill and Tim McGraw sing a duet with both the lyrics mashed together.

A poem left on my tagboard

Best Friends.
An unspoken love -
Stronger than romance
Lasting forever
Developed silently
Devoted and well-kept
(With) A soft smile on a bad mood

A short and simple poem that left me feeling much better along with a message: heys sis...dats really sho shweet of u to mention bout me !!! gal dere's always ups n downs in life but nvr gif up hope. make da best out of da worst situations k u r strong i noe it.

Afterall, Heena is my best friend and knows me inside-out without a doubt. Hey that rhymes. Thanks dear Sis, for making my day as i saw this in the morning. Thanks for everything again. Will definitely have this poem in my heart forever and will be the bond that keeps us going for years to come.

It hurts, Love really hurts

Why does the one person( that is related by blood-relation) that cares genuinly about me stay so far away that it hurts to make him waste money to talk to me. He is my grand-uncle and is 58 yet he can still understand what i am going through and constantly gives me the strength to carry on with what i want to pursue. Unlike others, he makes me put my priorities first before his or his own niece's(my mother). The fact that he cares so much makes me have my faith going in human kind.

It really hurts to learn that the person you care for doesn't care much for you but him/herself. I am have been permenantly wounded, maybe time might not even be able to remove these scars left inside me. Maybe i may forgive them in the future. I think i have already forgiven them partially.

I am not asking for money or materialistic things, all i am asking for is peace in the house. All i need to know is that there is someone that cares and loves me enough that will not let me go no matter what. I do have that one person, my best friend:Heena however i need a familial tie to keep me going on for the next three months. Maybe person will realise , or may have already realised that if i am willing to give up all my dreams for their happiness, they cannot simply be too selfish and make me take such a step.

It was over the last 2 days that i learnt what the phrase: Love hurts, really means. As much as i know about the wonderful feeling of being loved and loving someone else, i had never experienced this till yesterday. Its a learning point no doubt. I am only thankful that i am sensible enough not to be in a relationship right now.

I doubt i will be shedding tears like i did during the econs lecture yesterday. I think i can control my emotions much better than that.

I have no other way to go but forward from here on. As much as the past is filled with countless incidents that can hinder me if i choose, i have to move forward.

Human life isn't cheap and neither is it for simply wasting away. This has been a huge wake-up call for me. Life is tough, there is no doubt about it. It has always been tough, so i shall continue being the tough that gets going as the phrase goes: When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

My apologies to Mr Horn (no idea bout the spelling) about what i said when i got off the bus yesterday with the rest of my class as 1) i wasn't in the best of moods, if u did read the above u would understand and 2) i had no inclination that it was you and i always can't stand outsiders butting in as well. I am really sorry and i hope my apology is accepted.

To Evie, thanks grl for those few words yesterday. You can understand what i am going through coz you are going through the same thing as well. I just want to tell you that under such cases we are just going to have to depend on ourselves and no one else. Thanks for all the pictures yesterday, the fun and the laughter.

To my dearest sis Heena, thanks for the chat yesterday. It was such a relief to talk to you yesterday. Thank you for everything. Just wanted to wish you all the best for your upcoming tests. Grl, go and ace them all and remember our dream. We shall have it come true and live as we wish then. Take care and love ya loads. We shall meet up during Diwali if we can't meet up earlier.

With that i shall leave this post here and start anew again.

Crazy, Crazy Me

I just went berzerk today after lunch. I did crazy and silly things. Not right after lunch, i need my lunch to be digested first. (OK, i am still feeling rather crappy, so bear with my antics if you are preparing to continue reading the post.)

It was right before the double Literature lecture, when our class was leaving the library. I saw Wan Wen's pencil box and decided to hide it but considering i couldn't hide it, i placed it in the top shelf of that "bag-place" and moved it even higher because Wan Wen said that she could reach it. Although i returned it to her soon after (5 seconds hadn't even passed), my guilt conscious just made me feel horrible. Thats why i am going to be apologising once again: I am sorry Wan Wen, i am really, really sorry.

After the double lit lecture with the last one making me almost drift off, i went crazy again. I did a silly jig-like move to Evie's and Marlina's rendition of the Ninja Turtles' theme song. It was 'performed' right before Mr Chris Chen and he got a shock and commented throughout the entire lesson later. Actually i wante to know what the theme song was like so that i could continue teasing Justin about is Caribee-branded backpack that makes it look like he has a Ninja Turtle shell.

Mr Chen's lesson was cool as usual with him plotting a curve to prove Dr. S's theory about every novel that can plotted as a curve. His graph was drawn with the y-axis as violence and the x-axis as sex and drew three curves, under which you slot in a book. Gosh, that lesson was fun, in addition to my 'smoking' skills to bluff my way through an answer with some knowledge which turned out to be right. It was a fluke, so do not try to emulate that during an exam.

P.E was the last session of netball that we will be playing for this year. It was funny and loads of fun.

I am just smiling from the day went today especially with my mum's random comment on me being a good girl when i was young. Do not try to analyse this post, its filled with random stuff and will in turn fill your brain with random stuff. Also, do not try to organise my random stuff, just go have a nice good night's sleep.

Sleep tight ya'll.